I Can't Marry You

    Tracy nixes Luke's do-over proposal.  Lulu confronts Valerie about kissing Dante.  Maxie returns from Portland and she and Nathan have a steamy "vertical encounter" in the shower.  Sonny waxes Shakespearean when he confronts Julian about his shipment being hit.  Sam advises caution to her mother about her dad's mobularity, or supposed lack thereof.  Jordan gives Dante an earful about sleeping with Valerie.

     HAUNTED STAR

      TRACY:  I forgive you, Luke, for running off with Laura to save your sons.
       LUKE:  Awesome!   Does that mean you'll take this rock back and marry me?
       TRACY:  Not so fast.  You and your dark, tortured side put me through HELL and Paul Hornsby makes me laugh. 
        LUKE:  He should make you laugh.  Hornsby's a clown.  I, on the other hand, am a skilled comedian.  C'mon, Tracy.  Let's get hitched again.  All the cool kids are doing it.
        TRACY:  You're not completely healed from your boat-bombing, ear-biting, arm-tattooing psychosis yet.
        LUKE:  I've got release papers that say otherwise.
        TRACY:  I can't be part of the Spencer Male Angst anymore.  I want fun times in the sack and Paul can give me that.  You are becoming Luke 2.0 and you need time to make that transition.
         LUKE:  Fine, I gotta fight my demons on my own time and keep you the hell away from them.
         TRACY:  Now you're getting it.  It doesn't mean I won't miss you.
         LUKE:  I'm gonna miss you too, Spanky.   Remember when we went all Weekend at Bernie's with Anthony Z's corpse?
         TRACY:  Or when I rescued you from Cassadine Island after Helena nuked you?
         LUKE:  Good times, Spanky.  Good times.

       PCPD

       LULU:  Okay, Valerie.  Time to 'fess up.
       VALERIE:  This never would have happened if you didn't LIE to Dante and take off with Dillon to Canada.
        LULU:  Look, Val, I lied to Dante, but I did it to save my brother's life.  He was going to DIE if I got any cops involved and--newsflash, cuz--Dante IS A COP!
        VALERIE:  Look, Lulu, I'm not after your hubby, but what was he supposed to think when you LIED TO HIM and took off with another man?   Have you never watched a soap opera, EVER?
         LULU:  He wouldn't have even been suspicious if you didn't blab to him that you heard me and Dillon talking in the hallway.  We were having a PRIVATE CONVERSATION!
         VALERIE: I was just trying to help a friend, Lulu.
          LULU:  By kissing him.  Was Dante choking on your cooking and you were giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

          MAXIE'S APARTMENT

         NATHAN:  Surprise, Maxie!   I've been busting my ass at the station so I can have time off to welcome you home the sexy-cop way.
         MAXIE:  You're so sweet!  But don't kiss me yet.  I'm covered in the snot of my fellow passengers.   Middle row seats totally suck.  I need to take a shower.
        NATHAN:  What a coincidence.  So do I.  Let's have shower sex!

         SONNY'S HOUSE

       SONNY:  Who goes there? 
       JULIAN:  It's me, Sonny.  Your prison wife.  You rang.
       SONNY:   Et tu, Julian?  Was it thee who hitteth my shipment? 
       JULIAN:  What the Stratford-upon-Avon has gotten into you, Corinthos?
       SONNY:   'Tis my muse, The Bard himself.   Wherefore the slings and arrows on my shipment?
       JULIAN:  Don't look at me.  I'm clean.  I bid the mob farewell when I reunited with the fair Alexis.  Damn, this Shakespeare stuff is contagious!  
       SONNY:  If it not be you, than who hath wrought such a brutal assault?
       JULIAN:  I know not.  Perhaps you shall inquire upon Julius Caesar. 

         METROCOURT

      SAM:  Workaholic much, Mom?
      ALEXIS:  Role play foreplay with your father is cutting into my time on the ELQ case.
      SAM:  Say no more!  Are you sure Dad has left the mob?   I mean, it was awfully easy for him to up and quit.
      ALEXIS:  You see, that's where it helps being his own boss.  When Flukey-Luke was running the show, he couldn't quit without my house blowing up and his son being shot.  Now that Luke is de-Fluked and he lost his baby son, Julian felt de-mobbification was the best move.
       SAM:  We'll see about that.

         PCPD

     JORDAN:  Dante, I'm going give you a heads up here.  Your father is going DOWN and you are going to help me make that happen by bringing his ass in here for questioning.
    DANTE:  Yeah, good luck with that.   He'll just get my uncle Ric to slap the department with a harassment suit.   Been there, done that. 
    JORDAN:  Fine.  We have to build a case against him PRONTO.   By the way, what were you THINKING, sleeping with Valerie?    Yeah, she told me ALL ABOUT IT. 
    DANTE:  It was a mistake, Commish.  It won't happen again.  Valerie and I are cool about the whole thing. 
    JORDAN:  Don't be so sure about that.
    VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY:  Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure if I were you.  Wait 'til I cause Val to toss her cookies all over the PCPD every morning.  Corinthos super-sperm never miss their mark.