Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

   Johnny Z's back and at Lulu's service.  Jason tells Sam to get lost, but isn't ready to dismiss what she has to say about Liz.  Nathan urges Dante to stop seeing Valerie while Bobbie cautions Valerie about what could happen if she keeps seeing Dante.   Patrick is pissed when Sam can't let go of Liz's lying to Jason.  Nikolas and Hayden are still not sure they can trust each other. 

     HAUNTED STAR

         LULU:  Maxie, which Christmas decorations make the best murder weapons?
         MAXIE:  Well, there's strangulation by Christmas lights, bludgeoning by giant candy cane, or being an adult and not taking revenge at all. 
         LULU:  Since when are YOU an adult? 
         MAXIE: Ha ha.  Remember how you have a kid named Rocco?   As far as I know, Judge Walters is still on the bench.  Just sayin'

      
       LIZ'S HOUSE

        SAM:  Jason, your so-called fiancee is lying to you.  She knew for MONTHS that you were Jason and she must have conveniently forgotten to tell you.
        JASON:  Sam, I'm going to give you two choices.  Number one, you be nice to Elizabeth and you can stay.  Number two, you GET THE HELL OUT!!! 
        SAM:  ExcayUSE me for trying to rescue you from your LYING BITCH of a fiancee. 
        JASON:  Get in line.  It starts behind Carly. 

     
       KELLY'S

        BOBBIE:  Valerie!  Long time, no see. Even though we are living in the same house. 
        VALERIE:  Yeah, I've been kinda busy banging my cousin's hubby.
        BOBBIE:  So I've heard.  Join the club.   Carly and I are charter members. 
        VALERIE:  So you're totally okay with me  sexing up Dante?  Sah-WEET!
        BOBBIE:  Well, it would be better if the woman whose husband you were shagging wasn't my other niece, but who am I to talk?   Wanna have some French food and expensive wine?
         VALERIE:  Thanks, but no thanks, Aunt Bobbie.  I've got a date to eat french fries with Dante.

    
        PCPD

         NATHAN:   Gotta go.  Meeting Maxie at Kelly's.  Even fashionistas have to eat.
         DANTE:  Maybe I'll see you there.  Double date with me and Valerie?
         NATHAN:   Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?   Bad idea, partner.  BAD IDEA!   Maxie will go into vigilante mood, tell Lulu, who will tell Jordan and you and Val could be standing in the unemployment line. 
          DANTE:  Yeah, I forgot.  No one in this town knows how to mind their own damn business.

      
         PATRICK & SAM'S HOUSE

          EMMA:  Daddy, are you going to give Sam another ring pop tonight? 
          PATRICK:  It all depends on if she's done divorcing Danny's daddy, sweetheart.
          EMMA:  But you ARE going to get married, right?
          PATRICK:  I consulted my Magic 8 Ball and all signs point to yes.
          EMMA:  Sam's the COOLEST! 

       
       WYNDEMERE

          HAYDEN:  I had another one of those dreams, Nikolas.  You know, those dreams when you are trying to kill me.
          THE TRUTH:  Gee, I wonder why...
          NIKOLAS:  Ever consider therapy, Hayden?
          HAYDEN:  Why don't you trust me, Nikolas?
          NIKOLAS:  Because my ex, Britt, conspired with a nine year old to scare the crap out of me, that's why.  Oh, and she stole my sister's embryo.
          HAYDEN:  Sounds like a real peach.   My ex-hubby was a real son of a bitch, so yeah, I have trust issues too.
          NIKOLAS:  I miss our Petit Mort.
          HAYDEN:  Relationships are about way more than Petit Mort, Nikolas.  I still don't trust you not to strangle me in my sleep.   


         HAUNTED STAR

         JOHNNY:  I'm baaaaaaaack!
         LULU:  Correct me if I'm wrong, Johnny, but aren't you still a fugitive?
         JOHNNY:  Fugitive shmugitive!   It's not like anyone's gonna go after me for shooting Julian  Jerome on your psycho dad's orders.   I hear you and Dante are on the rocks. 
          LULU:  He slept with my skank of a cousin. 
          JOHNNY:   Anything I can do to help? 
          LULU:   I want my cousin Valerie out of the picture.   Can you make her disappear?
          JOHNNY:  So you're offing family members now, Lulu?  Is Diabolical Daddy starting to rub
off on you? 
       

           LIZ'S HOUSE

         LIZ: Do you believe Sam, Jason?   Do you think I'm a lying bitch?   Should I invest in flame-proof pants?
         JASON:  Let me get back to you on that.

     
          PATRICK'S HOUSE

          PATRICK:  So, are you divorced from Jason yet?
          SAM:  Working on it.  You know lawyers.
          PATRICK:  Weren't you going to stay and bug your mother until she got it done? 
          SAM:  I had other priorities.  Like rattling Elizabeth's chains.   She TOTALLY knew Jason was Jason and didn't bother to tell him. 
          PATRICK:  We're OVER! 
          SAM:  Overreact much? 
       
         
           KELLY'S

           VALERIE:  I am still so into you, Dante.  Please tell me you won't dump me to get back together with ShrewLu
            DANTE:  I love our booty calls, Valerie, but we have to keep it on the down low.   There are peeps who want to bust us for fraternization. 
            VALERIE:  Ooooh, a secret romance!   That's hot!  

          
            PCPD

            MAXIE:  Surprise!   I miss you, Nathan.   It's so hard to have sex when you're so busy being a cop and I'm so busy being a fashionista. 
            NATHAN:  We're just going to have to make time.  The interrogation room is free...

        
           SAM & PATRICK'S HOUSE

           JASON:  Sorry for being all anger boy on you earlier, Sam.   I'm ready to hear you out now.
           SAM:  Elizabeth knew you were Jason before Carly told you.   She knew for MONTHS. 
           THE TRUTH:  Aaaah, freedom!