Matching Sweaters

    Olivia buys herself, Julian, & Leo matching Christmas sweaters, much to Alexis's chagrin.  Johnny chats Valerie up as he fixes her car.   Dante asks Sonny about an arms dealer, but is vague when it comes to his personal life.  Laura advises Lulu against doing something crazy, but is it too late?   Nina is impressed with Dillon's photography skills.  After being chewed out by Carly, Liz finds sympathy from an unlikely source. 

       SOMEWHERE ALONG RTE 31 BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE ALL CAR STUFF HAPPENS

      JOHNNY:  So, you're a cop and I'm standing outside of YOUR car.  Isn't that hilarious?   
      VALERIE:  I'm not a cop yet.  Just a cadet with a broken down car. 
      JOHNNY:  Maybe I can fix it.  I'm a pretty handy guy.   The name's Greg.
      VALERIE:   I'm Valerie and I'm late to shooting practice.  
      JOHNNY:  Late for playing with guns?   We can't have that!   Lemme take a look-see.  

    
       THE FLOATING RIB

        OLIVIA:  Lookee here, Julian!   I got Leo his very first Ugly Christmas Sweater!   Isn't it hideously cute? 
         JULIAN:  Gotta start that Ugly Christmas Sweater tradition sometime, I guess.
        OLIVIA:  But wait!  There's MORE!   I bought YOU a MATCHING Ugly Christmas Sweater!   and one for me too!
         JULIAN:  (feigning enthusiasm) Yippee! 
         ALEXIS:  Is this really necessary?  

     
       SONNY'S HOUSE

       CARLY:  Why hasn't Jason called back yet?   He was SUPPOSED to throw me a YOU WERE RIGHT party!  
       SONNY:  Hover much, Carly?   
       CARLY:  But Jason NEEDS ME!  He was just LIED TO FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS by his simpering yet manipulative fiancee and he needs some good ol' Carly love. 
       SONNY:  What am I, Carly?  Chopped liver?  
       CARLY:  Come on, Sonny.  We can't have our famous CarSaSon menage a trois without Jason.  Then it's a boring old menage a deux. 

      
       METROCOURT

         LAURA:  Now Lulu, don't go doing anything crazy out of your anger at Dante.  I know you've got your father's vengeful blood running through your veins.  
        LULU:  Dante Schmante!  I'm focusing MY righteous indignation on my SLUT COUSIN VALERIE! 
        LAURA:  But it takes two to tango, Lulu.  Dante is the one who cheated, not Valerie. 
        LULU:  Valerie lured him into her child of a single mother web and SEDUCED him away from me!  

     
       CRIMSON OFFICE

      NINA:  OMG, Dillon, you are a TOTES AWESOME photographer!  
      DILLON:  Thanks.   I think. 
      MAXIE:  These pix of you will TOTALLY save Crimson, Nina.  
      NINA:  Yeah they will!  
      FRANCO:   Don't mind me.  I'm just the editor-in-chief's famous--okay, INfamous--artist boyfriend. 
     

       HOSPITAL

      CARLY:  What gave YOU the nerve to show your face in public you LYING MANIPULATIVE BITCH IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING?  
      LIZ:  Give it a rest, Carly. 
      CARLY:  You LIED to MY JASON for SEVEN MONTHS!   You kept him from his wife and his little boy just so you could have him ALL TO YOURSELF!   
      LIZ:  You WON, Carly.  Jason left me AND he left my THREE LITTLE BOYS without a man THEY came to know as their dad. 
      CARLY:  Too bad.  So sad.  IT'S ALL YOUR STUPID FAULT!!!  

   
     SOMEWHERE ALONG RTE 31

        JOHNNY:  You're really into this whole being a cop thing, aren't you? 
        VALERIE:  I relish the thought of nailing a perp.  
        JOHNNY:  How about the adrenaline rush of chasing down fugitives?  
        VALERIE:  Bring 'em on!  
        JOHNNY:   (tinkering with Valerie's car) If I connect the green wire to the orange wire and the blue wire to the red wire...fire her up. 
        VALERIE:  You totally fixed my car!  Thanks Greg.  If I weren't lusting after my cousin's hubby, I'd so be stalking you instead. 

       
     SONNY'S HOUSE

        DANTE:  Dad, do you know of this arms dealer on the Port Chuckles' Most Wanted list?  
        SONNY:  I don't deal in guns, son.  
        DANTE:  Ever thought of just getting the hell out of the mob?  
        SONNY:  Have you ever TRIED to get out of da bizness, Dante?  No can do.  Let's change the subject.  What's up with you? 
        DANTE:  Besides picking up the pieces of my shattered marriage while Lulu gives me the icy glare she could only have learned while she was being frozen by Stavros Cassadine?    Nothing much.   

     
      CRIMSON OFFICE

       FRANCO:  I was just saying that Julian might have hired you to purposely tank the magazine, that's all. 
       NINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAT?  
       FRANCO:  Julian's a big meanie.  
       NINA:  You know what Maxie and I are going to do, Franco?  We're going to make this magazine into a RAGING SUCCESS just to spite him.  

     
       FLOATING RIB

       ALEXIS:  Olivia, we need to talk boundaries.   Two's company.  Three's a crowd. 
       OLIVIA:  So you're saying I'm not welcome in my own baby daddy's life?  
       ALEXIS:  Well...maybe if you'd just send an "impending Ugly Christmas Sweater" text so we'd know to seek cover.  
        OLIVIA:  Does that mean I can't come over for Christmas?  Leo wants to see his daddy and Julian said I could.  

     
        HOSPITAL

       LIZ:  I HATE EVERYTHING!  
       FRANCO:  Know the feeling.   Maybe you need some art therapy.   Grab a paintbrush and let it all out on this canvas. 
        LIZ:  I can't believe I'm getting sympathy from a serial killer.  
        FRANCO:  EX-serial killer.  My serial killer tumor was removed and now I'm just a slightly off-kilter, but loving, fatherly guy and a skilled art therapist.  Just ask Liesl Obrecht.  
        LIZ:  A ringing endorsement.  
        FRANCO:  Come on now!  I'm a pariah, you're a pariah and we pariahs gotta stick together and form a Port Chuckles Pariah support group.   If you don't like the pariah thing, we can just call it a People Carly Hates group instead. 

      
       FLOATING RIB

      DANTE:  Why so glum, Val?
      VALERIE:  My car broke down, I missed shooting practice and the instructor ripped me a new one.  How was your day?  
      DANTE:  Well, I tried to get my dad to 'fess up to knowing Raj the gunrunner, so guns were a common theme for us today.   I guess it goes with the territory, being cops. 
      VALERIE:  Or cadets.  
      DANTE:  Those too.  How did you get here if your car broke down. 
      VALERIE:  Some nice guy named Greg fixed it for me.  He just randomly appeared on the side of the road.  
       DANTE:  I don't know a Greg and I know everyone in this town.  

   
       METROCOURT

        LULU (on the phone with Johnny):  So, Johnny, how did it go terrorizing Valerie. 
        JOHNNY:  The terrorizing can wait.  All I did today was fix her car and learn her weak points. 
        LULU:  You FIXED her car?  In what way?  
        JOHNNY:  Relax.  I didn't tamper with the brakes or anything.  As far as she's concerned, I'm this nice guy named Greg who randomly shows up when someone needs their car fixed.   Now I can plan Phase 2. 
         LULU:  Care to elaborate on Phase 2. 
         JOHNNY:  Trust me.  You don't wanna know. 

   
        CRIMSON OFFICE

        NINA:  Dillon, you're hired as Crimson's official photographer.  We're going to make Crimson the awesomest magazine EVER! 
        DILLON:  Okay.  
        MAXIE:  That's the spirit!