Meet The Truth

     There's a new character on General Hilarity.  He or she (the jury's out on this character's gender) is not portrayed by any actor on the show (you know, budget cuts and all) but plays a central role in many key storylines.  Allow me to introduce The Truth.   The Truth is not just the truth that Liz kept Jason's identity hidden from him.   The Truth represents other truths in Port Chuckles as well, such as Carrrrrrrrrlos being alive and carrying Sabrrrrrrrrrrrrina's baby, Sloane being dead, Paul Hornsby being crooked, Nina being set up by Julian, Nikolas having Hayden shot and Ava helping Paul traffic guns.   The Truth is all-knowing and torments the people who are trying to keep The Truth hidden.


    LIZ'S HOUSE

    SAM:  Liar, liar, PANTS ON FIRE!   (takes a match out of her leather jacket, lights it, and torches Liz's pants)
    LIZ:  What are you?  PSYCHO?   You LITERALLY lit my pants on fire!
    SAM:  Stop, drop, and ROLL in the lies you have been telling Jason since--I don't know--the moment he woke up from having his face re-arranged?
    THE TRUTH:  Preach it, sister!
    LIZ:  (rolling on the floor to put out the flames) You're just jealous because Jason picked ME instead of you.   Helena was right.  You really are a guttersnipe.
    SAM:  Helena was right about YOU too, little miss Innocent Flower.
    GHOST HELENA:  My my!  Such posthumous praise for my unmatched powers of perception.   Or is posthumous a trifle premature a term, considering that I am, after all, a Cassadine.
    LIZ:  Jason loves me.  Deal with it and get the H-E-double hockey sticks out of my house!
    SAM:  I'm SO telling Jason on you.   Kiss your cozy little web of lies goodbye...and buy some fireproof pants.

 
  OUTSIDE KELLY'S

    CARLY:  You can't marry Elizabeth, Jason.   She's setting a trap and you're the mouse.
    JASON:  If you want to be my friend, stop comparing me to rodents.
    CARLY:  I'm totes serious, Jason!   You're supposed to be a gun-totin' MOB GOON, not some Mike Brady wannabe.
    THE TRUTH:  Go Carly!  Go Carly!  Go go go Carly!
    JASON:  What if I don't WANNA be a mob goon?  What if I want to get a perm, wear bellbottoms, design houses with only one bathroom for nine people, and give REALLY GROOVY dad lectures to Greg, Peter, and Bobby--I mean Cameron, Jake and Aiden?
    CARLY:  What's next?  Elizabeth wearing a blond mullet?
    JASON:  Okay, so I have to draw the line somewhere, but it's NONEOFYADAMNBIZNESS if I want to marry Elizabeth!
   CARLY:  It IS TOO my business.  EVERYTHING IN THIS TOWN is my business.  Especially if it involves ANY OTHER WOMAN and you, Sonny, and Michael.  And sometimes Morgan, but Kiki's alright, even if she did run me off the road and almost kill me.


   GALLERY

     JULIAN:  Hey sis, what did one stripey painting say to the other?
     AVA:  Since when do ex-mobsters make dad jokes?
     JULIAN:  Since I AM a dad.  Do Sam, Lucas, and Leo sound familiar to you?
     AVA:  Very funny, Julian.  I've been a little...preoccupied lately...with my new squeeze.  Well, he's sort of a squeeze.  More like a firm embrace.
     JULIAN:  (in a sing-songy voice) Ava has a boyfriend!
     AVA:  He's not a boyfriend.   Yet.   Just a friend with lots of benefits.
     JULIAN:  I'll bet.

 
     HOSPITAL

      SONNY:  So, doc, when will I get out of this GODDAMN wheelchair and start walkin' again?
      PATRICK:  About that...  Nothing doing with your spinal cord, Sonny.   Ever heard of the concept of patience?   Why do you think that's what we call you people we treat in this hospital?  
      SONNY:   SCREW YOU, non-miracle-working quack job!
      PATRICK:  I'm done here.   (leaves)

   
     GALLERY

      SONNY:  THIS is cozy.  What is this?  A warm family gathering of my enemies, among all these stripey paintings?   By the way, Raj called.   He says you've been running assault rifles through this gallery.  A little macabre for modern art, don't you think?
      JULIAN:  So THAT's your secret boyfriend.  Raj.  Hey, I have no prejudice against Southeast Asians.   No need to keep Raj from me.
      AVA:  I don't know anyone named Raj.   Much less someone named Raj who runs guns.
      SONNY:  PFFFFFFFFFFT!    You and Raj are thick as thieves, AVA and my precious daughter is in the middle of your gun-running operation.
      AVA:  PFFFFFFFFFFT right back atcha, Sonny!   You don't scare me.  What's the worst you can do to me?  Roll over me?
      JULIAN:  Why are you associating yourself with Raj the Gunrunner, sis?
      THE TRUTH:  Let's see...she's running military-grade weapons for our stand-up D.A. and her latest booty call, Paul Hornsby?

   
       SLOANE'S APARTMENT

       PAUL:  Hey sad-looking landlord, did you see anyone break into this place?   Someone like--you know--a thin brunette with a British accent who won't return my texts?  
      SAD LANDLORD:  No, but there was a man.  I don't know what he looked like.  All I saw was his, how you say, back side?   What about the bum who lives here? He skip out on rent for three months!
      PAUL:   What did said back side look like?   Never mind.  You go get yourself a sammich and I'll do a little piddling around here.  Who knows?  I may just leave some spare change around to cover that deadbeat's rent.
      THE TRUTH:  Well, you got the "dead" part right.  Are you REALLY inquiring into the state of Mac Scorpio's butt, D.A. Hornsby?  Really? 

   
      PIER 54

         ANNA:  Funny thing happened when I dialed the number I found in Sloane's apartment.   Someone answered.
         MAC:  Don't keep me in suspense, Anna.  Who was it?
         ANNA:  Three guesses.
         MAC:  Donald Trump.
         ANNA:  You're hilarious, Mac.  Try again.
         MAC:  Santa Claus.
         ANNA:  Are you even trying?
         MAC:  The WSB?  Robert?
         ANNA:  It was Paul Hornsby.   Our "upstanding" D.A. is revisiting the skeletons in his closet and adding to his collection by the day.
         MAC:  I want in.
         ANNA:  Are you sure?
         MAC:  I'm bored to tears running The Rib.  I want to be your adventure buddy.

     
     HOSPITAL

     EPIPHANY:  'Fess up, Drake, Jr.  What's eatin' you?
     PATRICK:  It's Sam.  She's in love with me.  But she's also still stuck on Jason.
     EPIPHANY:   How stuck on Jason?   Like band-aid stuck or Krazy Glue stuck?
     PATRICK:  Probably somewhere in-between.
     EPIPHANY:  Remember how you were about to walk down the aisle to marry Sabrina and Robin just waltzed right into that church and back into your life?
     PATRICK:  Yeah, and I ended up dumping Sabrina and Robin ended up dumping me and Emma for unfreezing Jason, then ran off to save the entire continent of Africa.
     EPIPHANY:  You have a point.
     THE TRUTH:  Africa my ass!  She's being held captive by a "dead" woman's goons.  
  
     LIZ'S HOUSE

   SAM: Lying bitch!
   LIZ:  Jealous shrew!
   JASON:  Is there a reality TV show filming here that I don't know about?   
   THE TRUTH:  Buckle your seatbelt, Jason ol' boy!   I'm a-comin' and I'm gonna BLOW YOUR MIND!