Ava Vs. Nina

    The two volatile troublemakers were a few cop restraints away from an all-out catfight at the PCPD, each accusing the other of murdering Silas Clay.   Meanwhile, Franco keeps the farcical courtroom scene rolling by repeatedly confessing to murdering the good doctor, all in a desperate attempt to protect his main squeeze, Nina.   A livid Morgan tells Kiki that Ava screwed him over big-time.  Sonny tells Carly that Ava and Denise are one and the same.  Dillon fakes Lulu out by telling her that Valerie's in the family way.  But is it really a fakeout?   The bun in Val's oven might beg to differ!   At the PCPD, Valerie tells Dante she's seeking new living arrangements.  

    COURTHOUSE

    FRANCO:  I did it.  I killed Silas Clay.   I call Franco Baldwin to the stand.  Franco, did you kill Silas Clay?   Funny you should ask.  Yes, I did. 
    SCOTT:  Will you shut your ever-loving trap, son?  
    FRANCO:  If you would remember your lines, Pops, I wouldn't have to say them for you. 
    JUDGE CHUA:  Mr. Baldwin, do I look like a ringmaster to you?  
    RIC:   Here's an idea.  Why don't we arrest the whole cast of crazy characters, starting with my whackjob wife.  Throw in a little so-called reformed serial killer and a mobstress-turned-fake-beautician and you have all three rings.   Seriously, when has a day in court been this entertaining?
    JUDGE CHUA:  Fine.  I'm outta here. I've got a lunch date with Judge Judy. 

   MORGAN:  How could Ava do this to me and my...um...girlfriend? 
   KIKI:  Who cares?  Mom's alive and I'm going down to the police station to see her.  
   MORGAN:  Aren't you pissed that she lied to you?   I mean, I know you're only her daughter, but I was her LOVER...way back when. 
   KIKI:  Now that I know which end of your body you think with, I'm out of here. 

    HAUNTED STAR

      DILLON:  Hey Lulu, I did what you wanted me to do.  I knocked Valerie up. 
      LULU:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?  
      DILLON:  PSYCH!   
      VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY:  Psych right back atcha!  I'm for REAL, brother.  Might as well get used to it.  
      LULU:  If I didn't have unresolved, latent feelings for you and your hot, sexy, screenwriting skillz, I would so kill you right now. 
      DILLON:  Saved by my irresistible knack for steamy dialogue.   What do you say we do a read-through?   If you want, you can read for Declan and I can be Marjorie?  

     PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM

     DANTE:  Planning on interrogating someone?   You know that's not part of your job description, don't you? 
     VALERIE:  Just looking for my next home.  That castle Lulu's brother lives in was too creepy and with Hayden Barnes coming back, it was about to turn back into a den of iniquity, so I packed up and moved the hell out of there.   I'm crashing at Carly's until I find a place of my own, but living in a ten-year-old's room isn't the ideal situation either.  
     DANTE:  That's gotta be awkward.  
    VALERIE:  Speaking of awkward...
     DANTE:  Not the "we had sex and I'm tormented by what I did to Lulu" talk again.  
   
    Q MANSION

      PAUL:  Yeah, so I gave Dillon a half million bucks to help him shoot his movie.  
      TRACY:  How many banks did you rob to get that kind of money to throw around? 
      PAUL:  I happen to be a halfway decent businessman, Tracy.  Besides, I missed over two decades of the kid's life.  It was the least I could do. 
      TRACY:  Paul, would you mind giving ME a half million?  
      PAUL:  Very funny, but there are some times in our lives where we all have pain.  We all have sorrow.  But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.  Lean on me, Tracy.  When you're not strong.  I'll be your friend.  I'll help you carry on. 
      TRACY:  When am I not STRONG?   I'm Tracy Angelica Freakin' Quartermaine!   
      PAUL:  When did you add Freakin' to your name?   Has it been that long since we've been in touch?   All kidding aside, we can lean on each other.   Just not in bed. 
      TRACY:  That we can agree on. 

     PCPD

     DANTE:  Well if it isn't the bitch who murdered my cousin! 
     VALERIE:  OMG, she murdered your COUSIN?   I'm so sorry, Dante!  
     AVA:  Maybe I murdered Connie Falconeri, but I didn't murder Silas Clay.  That was all Nina. 
     NINA:  A-VA!   I knew it was you behind that Denise De Mooooooooooccio getup.  You lying skank.  YOU. LYING. SKANK! 
     AVA:  I didn't murder Silas, you baby-stealing whackjob.  That was ALL. YOU.  NI-NA!
     NINA:  A-VA!
     AVA:  NI-NA!
     COP:  Take it easy, ladies!   I have a taser and I know how to use it.
     DANTE:  I'll take the cousin-killer.  You take the sister-stealer.  
   
     SONNY & CARLY'S

     SONNY: You'll never guess what I found out.  Denise DiMuccio and Ava Jerome are One. And. The. Same. 
      CARLY:  Isn't that what you've been saying all along? 
      SONNY:  Yeah, but without that second DNA test, nobody would believe me. 
      CARLY:  Wait a minute!  What second DNA test? 
      SONNY:  The one that proved that Denise was Ava.  You see, Silas rescued Ava from the bridge, then diagnosed her with cancer.   The only way he could save her was for Avery to donate bone marrow so Silas took Avery, sucked some marrow out of her bones, and gave it to Ava.   Avery's bone marrow changed the DNA in her blood, but it didn't change the DNA from spit or hair or whatever.
      CARLY:  Mad props to whoever got that second DNA sample.  
      MORGAN:  Yeah, so Ava's alive and she lied to me.  I'm super pissed, man!  
      CARLY & SONNY:  We're here for you, Morgan.  

     PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM

     KIKI:  So, Mom, did you kill my dad or what?  
     AVA:  Why would I kill the man who saved my life?   What kind of example does that set for my two daughters?   It was Silas's crazy ex-wife Nina who killed him.  
     KIKI:  I'm so glad you're alive, Mom!   Even if you've been lying to us for months.   Morgan's acting really weird, by the way.  He's going off the deep end about you being alive. 

     PCPD JAIL

     NINA:  I didn't do it, Jay. 
     NATHAN:  Sorry, Nina.  Everybody kinda thinks you did.  Even that catatonic friend of yours, Heidi.  
     FRANCO:  Don't worry, Nina.   Franco's here and he's gonna find a way to fix this.  
     NINA:  Franco, you are the wind beneath my wings.