Brad's Secret Wife...

   ...is Rosalie!  That came out of left field!  If being secretly married to Brad was Rosalie's BIG HUGE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET that everyone from Nina to Nikolas to Helena held over her head, then color me underwhelmed. 

      Danny meets Li'l Jake for the first time and the two boys play with --what else?-- toy motorcycles.  Jake tells Carly about proposing to Liz.  Upon hearing that Hayden's coming back to live at Wyndemere, Valerie packs her bags and moves out.  Lulu tells Dante about working with Dillon.   Nathan keeps his promise to Dante when Maxie brings up her apology to Valerie.   Hayden is released from the hospital. 

      LIZ'S HOUSE

        LI'L JAKE:  Hi Danny.  I guess you're my little brother.  I have another little brother too, and a big brother.  And two dads.  Dad Lucky is fighting the bad guys in his head and Dad Jason died.  I only have one mom, though.  My family is really complicated.
        DANNY:  Wanna play with my little motorcycle?
        LI'L JAKE:  COOL!  I love motorcycles.
        DANNY:  Me too!  
        SAM:  Aren't they cute?   They are definitely Jason's boys.  I miss Jason so much!  I wish he was alive to see his boys playing motorcycles together.   He would be so proud. 
        LIZ:  Yeah, he would be.
        LIZ'S CONSCIENCE:  Well DUH!  Of COURSE he would be if he KNEW HE WAS JASON! 

     SONNY'S HOUSE

     JAKE:  Check this out (shows Carly the engagement ring he got for Liz)
     CARLY:  It's beautiful, but I'm spoken for.  I'm marrying Sonny.  Again.  For the fifth time.
     JAKE:  It's not for YOU, it's for Uhlizabeth.
     CARLY:  You still don't know who you are.  Should you be getting engaged when you could already be married?   Case in point: My brother Lucas.  He just found out his fiance is married and it broke his heart. 
     JAKE:  Yeah, well I may never know who I was before I became a speed bump for an SUV, so there's no point in waiting anymore.  I love Uhlizabeth and she loves me.   Besides, I already proposed and she said yes.  I was kinda expecting a little more excitement from my best friend.  
   CARLY:  We're besties?  Like for real?   Then, CONGRATULATIONS!   You picked an awesome best fr--I mean fiancee. 
   SONNY:  Am I interruptin' somethin' here?  
   CARLY:  I was just congratulating my friend on getting engaged to Elizabeth.
   JAKE:  I gotta go.  Got a ring to present.
   SONNY:  Still hanging out with Danger Boy? 
   CARLY:  Jake is my FRIEND.  My BEST FRIEND. 
   SONNY:  Well, just be careful that bestie doesn't get you shot or blown up.
   CARLY:  I'm marrying a mobster.  I know a thing or two about dodging stray bullets.

    DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT

    LULU:  I'm going into business with Dillon. 
    DANTE:  That's totally cool with me.  I trust you, Lulu, just like you trust me working with Valerie.
    LULU:  Yay for mutual trust!  But I'm still worried about you doing dangerous cop stuff. 
    DANTE:  What cop's wife doesn't?  
    LULU:  Can you at least give me some peace of mind and wrap yourself in bubble wrap? 

   WYNDEMERE

    DILLON:  So what made you decide to pack up and leave Castle Greyskull?   Wi-fi hard to come by in your remote wing? 
    VALERIE:  Two words:  Hayden Barnes.  Nikolas is moving her back into Wyndemere and, if it's anything like last time, I couldn't walk two feet without hearing them engaging in The Little French Death somewhere in this castle.  Besides, I have a job and I can pay for my own place.
    DILLON:  Fair point.  This place may be creepy, but damn, it would make a killer movie set.  If I hadn't already booked the Haunted Star...
   VALERIE:  You're shooting your movie on the Haunted Star?  With Lulu?
    DILLON:  She's not going to be in it, but yeah, she agreed to let me shoot there.  So, what do you think of being my leading lady?  Off-screen that is (kisses Valerie)
    NIKOLAS:  Welcome home, Hayden.  This is Valerie.   She lives here too.
    DILLON:  Not anymore.  In case you didn't notice the packed bags, Valerie's moving out.
    NIKOLAS:  I can fix the Wi-Fi, you know.
    VALERIE: Thanks for putting me up, Nikolas, but the commute is kind of a killer when you have to take a boat to work.
    DILLON:  That and you're a thief who spits on my cousin Emily's memory.
    HAYDEN:  (to herself) OMG, I just remembered something!  I smashed a priceless Russian vase in this room.

    HOSPITAL

    BRAD:  Just hear me out, Lucas.  It was a marriage of convenience.  There was no love whatsoever.  We didn't even have sex. 
   LUCAS:  Who is he?
   BRAD:  Who said it was a he?   I have a WIFE!
   ROSALIE:  Can someone explain this deductible thing to--OMG, Brad?
   BRAD:  And here she is.
   LUCAS:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? 

   LIZ'S HOUSE

   JAKE:  Let me try this again, Uhlizabeth.  (kneels with ring)  Will you marry me? 
   LIZ:  Who did you rob to pay for THAT ring? 
   JAKE:  I'm working for the Quartermaines, Uhlizabeth.  I don't have to rob anyone to pay for a lovely ring for my beautiful fiancee. 
   LIZ:  Of course I'll marry you. 
   LIZ'S CONSCIENCE:  Girlfriend, you'd better be ready when it all hits the fan 'cuz it's gonna go FLYIN' right into your face.

   DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT

   OLIVIA:  Mama's home!  Make room for cannolis!