Fish Odor Syndrome

     Good one, Dr. O!   Liesl scares the cop off by telling him Franco has Trimethylaminuria, or "Fish Odor Syndrome" which cracked me up because that was a diagnosis for a very unfortunate patient on the British series Doc Martin.  Meanwhile, Nina plays checkers and hashes out her Franco-Liesl dilemma with a catatonic patient at Shadybrook.   Ghost Silas taunts Ava in a way that rivals Ghost Carrrrrrrrlos taunting Anna.  And he breaks out into song, but not on the actual show.  Only here, on General Hilarity do ghosts sing.  

   Morgan tries to comfort Kiki before the memorial.   Jordan crashes a bonding session between TJ, Sonny, & Carly and Sonny gives her information on who he thinks hijacked his "shipment".   Scott learns that Ric has taken his place as D.A.   Alexis accompanies Julian when Jordan calls him in for questioning. 

      PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM

       FRANCO: (over phone) Yeah, so I know who killed Silas.  It was Ava Jerome.
       NINA:  Ava killed Silas?   Why would Ava kill Silas?
       FRANCO:  Because she and Morgan Corinthos were going at it like two very horny bunny rabbits.
       NINA:  That SKANKETY SKANK SKANK!   Listen, fellow crazy people at Shadybrook!  Ava Jerome is a SKANKY MC SKANKFACE!   So, Franco, did you turn her SKANKY ass in?
       FRANCO:  Not exactly.
       NINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAAT?   But you know she did it and she can get both of us off the hook. 
       FRANCO:  You see, here's the thing.  Ava has a picture of you holding the knife over Silas's dead body.   That could be a problem.  But I've got your Auntie Liesl on it, so don't fret my lovely, innocent Nina who I believe in one thousand percent.
      NINA:  Auntie Liesl hates me.
      FRANCO:  But she LOVES me, so she wouldn't do anything to screw ME over now, would she.

     OUTSIDE CHAPEL

      KIKI:  Why did Franco kill my dad?  I still can't figure it out. 
      MORGAN:  Hello?  Because. He's. Franco.  Case closed. 
      KIKI:  He had no motive, Morgan.
      MORGAN:  Since when does a serial killer need a motive? 
      KIKI:  I want to know exactly what happened and WHY my dad was murdered.   I need ANSWERS, Morgan.  He was about to tell me something before someone, possibly Franco, BRUTALLY STABBED HIM IN THE BACK AND WATCHED THE LIFE DRAIN OUT OF HIM!
      MORGAN:  Yeah, maybe he wanted one of those "My Daughter Partied In The Hamptons But All I Got Was This T-Shirt" souvenirs. 
      KIKI: I'm glad you find my dad's murder so hilarious. 
    
     INSIDE CHAPEL

     AVA:  Oh, Silas.  Poor Silas.
     GHOST SILAS:  Cut the crapola, Ava.  If ever I was sorry I saved someone's life...
     AVA:  But Silas, I LOVED you! 
     GHOST SILAS:  PFFFFFFFFFFT!    What says "I love you" like banging your daughter's horndog boyfriend.  Congratulations, Mother of the Year! 
     AVA:  I love Kiki and nothing you can say will change that! 
     GHOST SILAS:  You love her so much you're pretending to be her aunt and sexing up her boyfriend.   I was going to sing this little ditty I wrote on my way to the Pearly Gates to Morgan but I think I'll sing it to you instead:

You ain't nothin' but a horn dog

 Lyin' all the time!

You ain't nothin' but a horn dog

 Lyin' all the time

You ain't nothin' but a coward and you ain't no friend of mine. 

You screwed over Kiki

By sleepin' with her man. 

You screwed over Kiki

By sleepin' with her man.  

You're the world's worst mother and you ain't much as an aunt.  

     

     SONNY AND CARLY'S HOUSE

       TJ:  Hey, congrats on getting married for the 10,000th time.  I admire your determination.  

       SONNY:  Thanks, TJ.   You're comin' to the wedding, by the way.   

       TJ:  You sure I won't be in the way?  

       CARLY:  You're family and you're the kind that doesn't murder people and then going around not denying you murdered them.  

       JORDAN:  Over my dead body!   

       TJ:  Nice choice of words, MOM!   

       SONNY:  I have a little something for you, Commish.   

       JORDAN:  I have to say I'm a little disappointed.  I was hoping for your head on a silver platter.  

       SONNY:  Why have one head when you can have two?  These are the thugs who messed with my shipment.   

        JORDAN:  Ah, yes.  Your "shipment".  So should I charge these so-called thugs with coffee tampering?   

        SONNY:  Follow the trail straight to Julian Jerome.   You want someone's head on a platter, you've got it.  

      JULIAN'S APARTMENT

      ALEXIS:  What to we have here?   A gift basket courtesy of the father of one of my children.   Perfect!  I could use some croissants and coffee and since you don't do carbs, I'll just help myself.  

      JULIAN:  What's Sonny doing sending me gift baskets.  He's not my prison wife anymore.  

      ALEXIS:  He knows I can't resist the dark roasted.   

      JULIAN:  Yeah, that's it.  

      ALEXIS:  Looks like some Russian mobster bit the dust.  Does Serge ring a bell to you? 

      JULIAN:  Back when I was a mobster, I did some business with him.  

      ALEXIS: Nice to hear you referring to your mobster days in the past tense.  It makes sleeping with you that much easier.  

      RIC'S OFFICE

     LIESL OBRECHT:  I must see ze D.A. RIGHT NOW!  

     MRS. SHIPLEY:  Who are you?   

     LIESL OBRECHT:  I am ze Chief of Staff at General Hospital.   Open ze door NOW!  

     MRS. SHIPLEY:  Is he expecting you?  

     LIESL OBRECHT:  Get on viss you, Husfrau!  Hello, Mr. Baldwin.  I am hear to speak viss you about your son.  

     RIC:  Who's son might that be?  

     LIESL OBRECHT:  Mr. Lansing?   Vat are you doing here?   Vere is Scott Baldwin?   

     RIC:  Being Daddy to his wayward son, who I will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.  

     PCPD INTERROTATION ROOM

     SCOTT:  You're looking at your new attorney.   

     FRANCO:  You can do that?  D.A. must not mean what it used to.  

     SCOTT:  PFFFFFFT!    I quit.   They were trying to railroad you and I couldn't let that happen to MY SON!   

     FRANCO:  Did you take all your prized possessions with you, like, I don't know, a flash drive with a most fascinating recording on it?   

     SCOTT:  What do you care?   I'm here to keep YOU out of The Big House.  So how is it that you had the murder weapon in your possession?   

     FRANCO:  A careless butcher left his knife in my bag.  It happens.  

     SCOTT:  Nice try, but that knife was proven by forensics to be the knife used to kill Silas Clay.   

     FRANCO:  I was gonna give it to you.  Really, I was.  But I had to get the raspberry jelly off of it first.  

    SHADYBROOK

    NINA:  So, Heidi, should I trust Auntie Liesl because Franco trusts her?   Just between you and me, Liesl thinks I'm a few grapes short of a fruit basket.   

    HEIDI:  (to herself) And you, lady, are like nails on a chalkboard.  

    NINA:  I win!   You lose!  Good game, Heidi.   Let's play again.   

    HEIDI:  (to herself) Let's not.   You annoy me.  

    NINA:  I just don't trust Liesl.  She has it in for me.  Why my boyfriend likes her, I don't know.  But Franco believes in me, Heidi.  He really does.  

    HEIDI:  Do you not see my blank stare?  GO AWAY!   

    JORDAN'S OFFICE

   JORDAN:  Recognize these people?  

   JULIAN:  I used to work with them.  What's the deal here?  

   JORDAN:  Used to?  Are you sure it's all in the past?  

   JULIAN:  How many times do I have to tell you, my mobbing days are over.  

   ALEXIS:  He's right.  I wouldn't let him in my bed if they weren't.   

   PCPD

   LIESL OBRECHT:  Step AWAY from my patient, sir.  He has ze Fish Odor Syndrome.  And a touch of leprosy.  

   FRANCO:  So I'm a leper who smells like dead fish?  Thanks a lot, Liesl.  

   LIESL OBRECHT:  I am doing zis to help you.  Sadly, ve have a problem viss ze D.A.  Your fozzer is no longer working in zat capacity.   Ze new D.A. is Ric Lansing.  

   FRANCO:  The slimeball who is married to Nina?  Say it ain't so, Liesl!   

   JULIAN'S APARTMENT

   NINA:  We meet again, AVA!