Art, Sex, and Money

      Paul and Ava's sordid relationship boils down to those three things, in their own words, as they do the deed in the presence of a provocative painting.  Valerie (correctly) accuses Lulu and Johnny of setting her up.  Johnny takes issue with his legal representation.  Dante becomes even more disenchanted with Lulu.  Olivia mouths off to Mayor Lomax.  Anna is none too thrilled with Robert's advice about how to take down Paul.  Andre Maddox is impressed by Jordan's handling of the Johnny-Valerie situation.

        OUTSIDE CABIN

         VALERIE:  Hey CUZ, thanks for saving my life AFTER being the reason I was in that death trap in the first place!
          LULU:  Passive-aggressive much, Valerie?
         VALERIE:  Let's see...wanted fugitive targets RANDOM cadet just for funzies, then makes said cadet drive him out to the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE to an abandoned shack, ties her to a chair, puts a candle at the edge of a table and TAKES OFF FOR PARTS UNKNOWN?   Then, said cadet's cousin who hates her guts JUST HAPPENS to show up at said abandoned shack just in time to save her from ROASTING OVER AN OPEN FIRE?!? 
          LULU:  That's the thanks I get for SAVING YOUR SORRY LIFE, you hubby-stealing SLUT!
          VALERIE:  Listen, SHREW-LU, you're lucky I'm not a real cop or your ass would be on its way to the SLAMMER for harboring a fugitive, among other things.


       PCPD

      NATHAN:  Look who I found.
      JORDAN:  If it isn't the man of the hour.  Tell me Mr. Zacchara, where's Valerie?
      JOHNNY:  Where's my lawyer?
      SCOTT:  I have to represent HIM???
      JOHNNY:  No way in HELL is Sonic The Hedgehog repping me!
      JORDAN:  Just tell me where my cadet is and save me the trouble of having to interrogate all your nearest and dearest, like Ms. Jones over there.
      MAXIE:  Me?  I turned his ass in!
      JOHNNY:  Yeah, she kinda did.   Don't worry, Maxie.  I still love ya and your little girl too!
   

      METROCOURT

       AVA:  Which way to baby yoga?
       OLIVIA:  Sorry, Ava, but no Crypt Babies allowed.
       AVA:  That's discrimination!
       OLIVIA:  It's my hotel.
       AVA:  Try and stop my little Avery from her Downward Dog.  I dare ya.

       PAUL:  Thank you for meeting me here, Janice.
       MAYOR LOMAX:  Anytime, Paul Hornsby, anytime.  How do you like my new look?
       PAUL:  It's like you're a completely different person.

       ANNA:  Crooked D.A. at three o'clock
       ROBERT:  Said crooked D.A. is checking you out.
       ANNA:  EW!   Make me lose my appetite, why don't you!

    
        OUTSIDE CABIN

         LULU:  TRAMP!
         VALERIE:  PRIMA DONNA BITCH!  (slaps Lulu)
         LULU: (slaps Valerie back) WORST. COUSIN. EVER.
         VALERIE:  LOOK IN THE MIRROR!   (catfight breaks out)
         DANTE:  Itchy!  Scratchy!   Do I need to throw a bucket of water on the two of you?
         LULU:  YOUR MISTRESS tried to choke me!
         VALERIE:  YOUR WIFE tried to kill me! 
         LULU:  I saved her sorry LIFE! 
         DANTE:  Lulu, you are DEAD TO ME!   Valerie, tell me your side of the story. 
         LULU:  Boo hoo!
         VALERIE:  You know that guy who fixed my car?  How was I supposed to know he was a wanted fugitive???   When he heard the BOLO on my scanner, he freaked and stashed me in this cabin and put a candle on the table where it could EASILY BE KNOCKED OVER!   After all, candles are handy plot devices in this town and plot device candles are all the easier to knock over and start a RAGING FIRE!   Lulu knew EXACTLY where to find me because Zacchara texted her, you know, BEING IN CAHOOTS AND ALL.   So she pulled me out of the burning cabin and thinks she's a hero now when she's PART OF THE REASON I WAS ON THE VERGE OF ROASTING LIKE A MARSHMALLOW IN THE FIRST PLACE.


         METROCOURT

         PAUL:  How's my smokin' hot special agent doing today?  Dining with the ex, I see.
         ROBERT:  Hello, Hornsby.
         PAUL:  (faking an Aussie accent) Crikey!  It's Crocodile Dundee, SuperSpy! 
         ANNA:  Save the flattery, Paul.   Say, have you heard from Kyle Sloane lately? 

         MAYOR LOMAX:  Did you just try to flash me, Ms. Falconeri? 
         OLIVIA:  When a kid's gotta eat, a kid's gotta eat!
         MAYOR LOMAX:   Indecent exposure much?
         OLIVIA:  It's MY restaurant and MY boob and MY infant son is crying out in hunger. 
         LEO:  (translated from Baby) Mean mayor lady won't let me eat!   I'm HANGRY, Mayor!  HANGRY! 
         MAYOR LOMAX:  Security!
         OLIVIA:  A lot of good my breast milk is going to do sitting in the slammer. 

        
          PAUL'S ROOM

        AVA:  I brought you something.   (gives giant NSFW painting to Paul)
        PAUL:  Now THAT'S some painting! 
        AVA:  It's so SENSUAL!  So RAW!
        PAUL:  You sexy painting you!   Come on, Mobster Mama!   Let's have a menage-et-trois.  You, me, and that hot piece of art! 
        PAINTING:  Thanks, but no thanks. 
        AVA:  You're in luck!  Using gun-running coin to buy aphrodisiac artwork is really turning me on.
        PAINTING:  Cover me, please!  I feel like such a voyeur! 

        
         PCPD

       DR. MADDOX: Well done, Commissioner Ashford!  I totally forgive you for letting Date #3 completely slip your mind. 
       JORDAN:  I'm sorry, Andre.  We're going to have to take a raincheck on Date #3, but I'm loving that Power Elephant.  There's some seriously good karma flowing from that thing. 
       DR. MADDOX:  If you like it that much, I should have brought you two of them.  

     
       ANNA'S HOUSE

       ROBERT:  Ol' Hornsby's got it bad for ya, Anner!  We can use that to our advantage.
       ANNA:  Ew, NO!   I have to take a shower now!
       ROBERT:  C'mon, Anner!  You handle Hornsby and I'll handle Cahlos and Sabriner.  
       ANNA:  It's Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos,Robert.  You have to roll the R for at least 10 seconds.
       ROBERT:  You say Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos, I say CAH-los.  Potato PoTAH-to.  
       DR. MADDOX:  We have to stop running into each other like this, Ms. Devane.
       ROBERT:  G'day mate!   You and Anner have met?