General Downton

      In honor of last night's premiere of the first episode of the final season of Downton Abbey, today's blog will be done as if General Hospital took place in 1920s England.  Enjoy!   

       HAUNTED STAR

             LULU:  Dear Johnny, I do not wish to engage in extramarital relations, even as my own husband carried on with my loose cousin. 
             JOHNNY:  Dear Lesley Lu, it disappoints me greatly that you should be so considerate of your corrupt husband's feelings.  He is most unworthy of your love.  
              LULU:  I cannot allow him to discover that I have been carrying on with a man on the run from the law.   We must cease this tomfoolery at once! 

      
         NINA/FRANCO/KIKI'S APARTMENT

             FRANCO:  My passion for you, fair Nina, has overcome me.  We must consummate our relationship. 
              NINA:  I fear the consequences of carrying on in such a manner.   If I only had a confidante to mediate this most embarrassing and awkward position I find myself in.   Someone of brilliant russet hair and considerable girth who prepares meals for the upstairs aristocracy.  
              FRANCO:  I expect our relationship to be one that encompasses all aspects of romantic entanglements, fair Nina.  'Tis the beginning of a brand new year, Nina.  We shall commence 1925 with the fullest expresssion of our love for each other. 
             NINA:  Yet I fear I will not perform adequately. 
             FRANCO:  Such fear is unfounded, my dearest!   Come now, Nina.  


          THE FLOATING RIB

           SPINELLI:  Fair Samantha, I have witnessed the most thrilling of moments between you and your once and future romantic companion. 
           SAM:  Oh, my dear Mr. Spinelli!   I fear you have witnessed but a mirage!   The estimable Mr. Morgan and I were merely engaging in a game of billiards.  
           ELLIE:  My true love Damien, it is my estimation that Samantha is right.   She and Mr. Morgan were merely involved in a friendly sporting match.   You will have to excuse my Damien.  His enthusiasm knows no containment. 

           
         LIZ'S HOUSE

         JAKE:  Father, for I have seen such horrors!   I am so afraid of what lurks in the wilderness!  
         JASON:  Fear not, my child.  Your imagination is merely overactive.    All will be well, Master Jake. 
         LIZ:  Your father is right, my little boy.   Mr. Morgan, you have no obligation to stay. 
         JAKE:  But Father MUST stay, Mother!   Only he can quell the monsters in my imagination!  
         JASON:  Dear Elizabeth, will you please inform me as to what has transpired?  
         LIZ:  I was putting the children to bed and I heard a most frightful scream from young Jake.   He thought he saw an apparition peering through the window.   It gave him a dreadful fright.  
         JAKE:  Will you spend the night here, Father, should these monsters return while I am sleeping? 
         JASON:  I shall not leave you, young lad. 


        PIER 54

         DANTE:  Young brother, what, may I ask, are you doing in this most nefarious place?  
         MORGAN:  I am in need of fresh air, Dante.   The medication I am on to quell the demons in my mind are making me feel most unpleasant.   Yet you are also at this dark, dangerous pier.  Why is that? 
         DANTE:  I plan on attending the soiree aboard the Haunted Star. 
         MORGAN:  For what purpose?   Your estranged wife is also aboard.  Have you come to antagonize her? 
      

         KIKI:  Morgan, I must ask, what is causing you to behave so strangely?   Are you not taking your prescribed medication to quell the demons of your mind? 
         MORGAN:  Blast this dreadful medication!   It makes me feel most odd!  
         KIKI:  But you must continue to take your tablets, my dear friend, or your demons will overtake you. 
         MORGAN:  Why must you sound exactly like my mother?   Every last person in this godforsaken place wants me to take my blasted medication!  
         KIKI:  Morgan, you mustn't be so obstinate!   You must continue your course of treatment or those demons shall continue to haunt you!  
         MORGAN:  Very well.  I shall make a resolution in this new year to take my blasted medication on schedule.  


          FRANCO/NINA/KIKI'S APARTMENT

         FRANCO:  Nina, my true love, we have succeeded in consummating our wildest passions!  
         NINA:  I fear we did not consummate our passions correctly.  We must attempt to consummate them anew!  

          
         HAUNTED STAR

        DANTE:  Lesley Lu, may I ask what your are doing alone in this dark, desolate cabin?
        LULU:  Dante, may I ask what you are doing aboard this vessel?  
        DANTE:  Perhaps I was mistaken when I thought that our marriage was not beyond reconciliation?   When your brother was tossed from a balcony and taken to hospital, you were most grateful for my support, were you not?   
        LULU:  That does not change the fact that you had relations with my depraved cousin!
        DANTE:  Are you carrying on with a male companion?   To whom do these celebratory spectacles belong?  
        LULU:  You must leave AT ONCE!  NEVER TO RETURN!