Jason's Fake Birthday

      That was one delicious-looking cake for a birthday that's not really a birthday.   Carly wants to surprise Jason by celebrating the day he became Jason Morgan back in the 1990s, but Sam's not buying into the idea.   While Sonny tells his sons to stand by their women, Dante tells Lulu their marriage is too broken to fix.   Nikolas declares his love for Hayden, who's got all the guilt feels for what she and Tracy are trying to do to ELQ. 

        METROCOURT

       CARLY:  Do you know what today is?   It's Jason's birthday! 
       SAM:  I believe I know when my husband's birthday is, Carly. 
       CARLY:  Okay, it's not his REAL birthday, but it is the day he woke up from being smashed into a tree by loser AJ and became Jason Morgan.
        SAM:  So you want to give Jason a fake birthday party?
        CARLY:  Not a fake party, just a fake birthday.   The party's for real.  What do you think?
        SAM:  Um, NO!

    
       LIZ'S HOUSE

        LIZ:  You think I did it, didn't you?  You think I stalked my own son AND MYSELF! 
       JASON:  Sam is the Teller of Truths, Elizabeth.   You, on the other hand are the Teller of Lies.
       LIZ:  But...but...I just told ONE BIG LIE for SEVEN MONTHS.  It's not like all my lies last that long. 
       JASON:  You should really invest in flame-retardant pants. 


      SONNY'S GYM

      SONNY:  You boys need to stand by your women.   Michael, you gotta go find Sabrina and get her away from that Rivera creep.  Dante, you gotta get your ass back together with Lulu.
      DANTE:  But Lulu almost had Valerie KILLED!   Her OWN COUSIN!   If it weren't for Zacchara taking the rap for her, she'd be on her way to P-Ville for about 15 years right now. 
      SONNY:  Lulu screwed the pooch big-time, son, but she ain't got nothin' on all the times me and Carly screwed up.   Do I need to make a list of all those times, Dante? 
      DANTE:  Look, I screwed up first by banging Cousin Val, but at least I didn't try to have somebody killed!  
      MICHAEL:  Look, Dad, you got a point, but Sabs is gone.  She and Carrrrrrrrrrlos could be holed up in Timbuktu for all I know. 

   
      MAXIE'S APARTMENT

      LULU:  Mom, I've made a ginormous mess and almost killed my cousin!   Whatever am I going to do? 
      LAURA:  You almost had Valerie KILLED?    OMG, Lulu, you are OUT OF CONTROL!  
      LULU:  But I did save her from a burning building...AFTER my plan with Johnny went awry and he tied her to a chair and she knocked over a candle. 
      LAURA:  You're going to have to repent really hard for this one, Lulu. 
      LULU:  Dante will NEVER forgive me!   I'm DEAD TO HIM!   And once you're dead to a Corinthos...it's not like being just plain dead.  You can come back from that in this town. 

     
       WYNDEMERE

      NIKOLAS:  Hayden, I think I love you, but what am I so afraid of? 
      HAYDEN:  I don't know about you, but I'm afraid I can't be sure of a love there is no cure for.
      NIKOLAS:  But isn't that what life is made of, Hayden?   Taking a chance on love?   I mean, if you change your mind, I'm the first in line.
      HAYDEN:  Honey, I know you're still free, but do you really want to take a chance on me? 
      NIKOLAS:  You know, it's a beautiful night and I'm looking for something dumb to do, so baby, I think I want to marry you. 
      HAYDEN:  I really need some shots of Patron right now.

    
       LIZ'S HOUSE

      JAKE:  Why did Daddy leave me again? 
      LIZ:  He didn't leave you, Jake.  He left me. 
      JAKE:  I want my daddy!  When he's not here, I feel like drawing pictures of blood and guns and knives and bombs.
      LIZ:  I have a better idea, Jake.  Why don't you trade in those crayons for some watercolors and paint the wind? 


         MAXIE'S APARTMENT

      LULU:  Dante!  Did you change your mind?   Am I still DEAD TO YOU or am I undead?
      DANTE:  Look, Lulu, we both came in like a wrecking ball and obliterated our marriage.   I slept with Valerie.  You sicced a dangerous mobster fugitive on her.   We blew it all to smithereens, Lulu.  There's nothing left. 
      LULU:  But we can gather up all those smithereens and glue them together with Krazy Glue! 
      DANTE:  Ever seen something that's shattered that's glued back together and looks anything REMOTELY like it's supposed to?   Our marriage is WAY beyond Krazy Glue. 
      LULU:  But...But...


         METROCOURT
  
       CARLY:  Happy Birthday, Jason!  SURPRISE!  I even got you a cake!
       JASON:  I may not remember much, but I KNOW I was born in a month that is not January. 
       CARLY:  But you're SPECIAL, Jason.  You have more than one birthday.   Sure, there's the anniversary of the day you were pulled out of your mother's hoo-ha, but there's also the day you woke up as Jason Morgan. 
       JASON:  I think I just lost my appetite.
       CARLY:  The point is, YOU. ARE. JASON. MORGAN.   You were born January 22, 1996.  Get used to it.
       JASON:  That makes me 20, Carly.  Not even old enough to order a beer.
       CARLY:  Fine, reject your fake birthday.   But you can still eat the cake if you want. 
       SAM:  Don't feel pressured to remember stuff like fake birthdays, Jason.  Hell, you don't even have to remember your real one if you don't want to. 
       JASON:  I just had a totally lucid memory of me having all the love feels for you, Sam. 
     

        LIZ'S HOUSE

        LAURA:  Have you figured out who Jake's Mystery Creeper is yet?
        LIZ:  Jason thinks it was ME!   Can you believe it?  Stalking MY OWN CHILD?   Just because SAM thinks I broke into my own house and smashed my own picture frame doesn't mean I'm unhinged enough to scare the crap out of my own kid. 
        LAURA:  You and Lulu should really have a glass of wine and commiserate.