The Curious Case of The Reckless Fugitive

     Johnny Z is terrible at playing hide and seek.   He trolls Lulu by jumping her at the park, then he goes and takes his ski mask off!   Johnny, you're a good-looking dude and you're a most entertaining fugitive, but you might was well have "ARREST ME!" written in Sharpie on your forehead!   Meanwhile, another fugitive, someone with a more colorful accent, wants his querrrrrrrrrrrida to run away with him.   Anna plays her cards close to the vest until Paul leaves the interrogation room, then lets Jordan in on her theory about him.   A convo with Dante inspires Michael to give Sabrina another chance.   Valerie calls Olivia out at The MetroCourt.   Nathan returns to town and Maxie has a secret.

        PARK

       JOHNNY:  (wearing a ski mask, grabs Lulu)  GOTCHA!
       LULU:  SO not funny, Johnny.   Are you TRYING to get arrested?  Because you're not doing a good job of being a man on the run from the law.
       JOHNNY:  Come on, Lulu!  When have I NOT liked to live on the edge?
       LULU:  Right now, you're living on the edge of stupidity and you're taking ME with you.
       JOHNNY:   FYI, Lulu, I'm setting a Valerie trap and I wanted to make sure it worked.
  
  
       METROCOURT

      OLIVIA: (sees Valerie filling out a job application) You're fired.
      VALERIE:  You can't FIRE me without HIRING me first.
      OLIVIA:  I wouldn't hire you if you were the last tramp-who-broke-up-my-son's-marriage on earth!
       VALERIE: Says the woman who lied to not one, but TWO gangster baby-daddies!   At least I had the good sense to hit the sheets with a man on the RIGHT SIDE OF THE LAW!   Pssssssssssss!   BURN!

  
      NATHAN:  I'm baaaaaaaaaack!   Have you been behaving yourself, young lady?  Staying out of trouble?
      MAXIE:  Well, I'M staying out of trouble.   Check out what your sister and I did to Crimson 2.0!
      NATHAN:  Correctly if I'm wrong, but isn't Crimson a shade of RED?
      NINA:  Embrace the irony, Jay!   GREEN is the new CRIMSON!   Everybody's going green now.  Global warming, organically sustainable biosphere technology and all that scientific mumbo-jumbo.
      MAXIE:  What she said.  I think.
   

      PCPD

      PAUL:  What gives, Special Investigator Devane?  Why am I being left in the dark with no nightlight?
      ANNA:  Oops!  I forgot to let you know we're re-opening some old cases like Whatever Happened To Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrrriverrrrrrra?
      JORDAN:  What?  We're re-opening old cases?   That's news to me.   Besides, it's not like there's a shortage of new cases in this town.   Little Jake Spencer's mysterious peeping tom?   Did Jason Morgan send Nikolas Cassadine sailing over the MetroCourt balcony on purpose?   What's Kyle Sloane been up to lately?  Not to mention Who Put The Bop In The Bop Shoo Bop Shoo Bop?
     PAUL:  You're certainly on top of things, Commish.   Let me know if you found the Bop Shoo Bop guy.  He also put the Ram in the Ram A Lam A Ding Dong.   I'd like to shake his hand.  Gotta go.  Crime (to himself) especially if I'm committing it (to Jordan and Anna) never sleeps!
    JORDAN:  What's up with you, Anna?
    ANNA:  PAUL is the mole in the PCPD.  He's as crooked as they come!


     GYM

     DANTE:  POW, Dillon's face!   POW! POW! POW!
     MICHAEL:  Remind me again why you want to beat the crap out of my cousin.
     DANTE:  He's sleeping with Lulu, that's why!
     MICHAEL:  Oh really?   So one of my cousins is sleeping with another?   Should I be grossed out by this?
     DANTE:  So?  Your cousin on your bio dad's side is sleeping with your cousin on your mom's side?   I slept with my wife's cousin.   Ava Jerome murdered my mom's cousin.   Everybody's everybody's cousin in this town.   Remind me again that we're not in West Virginia.
     MICHAEL:  Ha ha!  Well, I hope you and Lulu work things out.
     DANTE:  Fat chance of that happening.   I blew my chance with the woman I love.   You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
 

     SABRINA AND FELIX'S APARTMENT

      CARRRRRRLOS:  (over phone)  Zabrrrrrrrrrrrina, querrrrrrrrrida, run away with me!
      SABRINA:  What the hell, Carrrrrrrrrrrlos?   You're not even supposed to be in town!
      CARRRRRRRLOS:  But I can't leave Port Chuckles without my querrrrrrrrrrrrida and my baby.  I have to teach him to roll his Rs the right way.
      SABRINA:  What makes you so sure it's a boy?
      CARRRRRRRRRLOS:  Well, it could be a girl, but she gotta roll her Rs right too.   If you love me, querrrrrrrrrrida, you will meet me in a half hour and run away with me.   If you don't, I'll be target practice for Anna Devane.

 
      PCPD

      DANTE:  Valerie, where are you off to?
      VALERIE:  I'm going for a jog and you can't come.   I'm supposed to forget you exist.
      DANTE:  Yeah, I'd best do the same.
      NATHAN:  Great job steering clear of Valerie.
      DANTE:  We've agreed to forget each other exists.   It's for the best.
      NATHAN:  I give that about 10 minutes max.
      LULU:  Sorry, Dante, but Rocco has cannoli fever, so I'm not bringing him over.
      DANTE:  Cannoli fever?   Seriously, Lulu?   What am I supposed to do tonight?   Neftlix and chill?
      LULU:  Would you rather be tossing your cannolis over the porcelain throne?   (leaves in a huff)
      DANTE:  Well, my marriage is over.   Fake illnesses brought on by my mom's Italian desserts are a dealbreaker.


      PARK

      JOHNNY:  Valerie Spencer!   Fancy meeting you here while I'm cursing out a tow truck company!
      VALERIE:  Hi Greg.  Or was it Craig?
      JOHNNY:  Six of one, half dozen of another.
      VALERIE:  I'm surprised you can't fix your car yourself.  You had some mad grease monkey skillz when you fixed mine.
      JOHNNY:  It's a real complicated problem involving fan belts, carburetors, brakes, the whole works.
      VALERIE:  Need a lift?   I'm totally cool with giving rides to near strangers.  

     
      SABRINA AND FELIX'S APARTMENT

      MICHAEL:  Where's Sabrina?
      FELIX:  What's it to you?
      MICHAEL:  I need to see her so I can un-dump her.   I've made a terrible mistake.
      FELIX:  Too late, Michael.  She's gone.
      MICHAEL:  Gone where?
      FELIX:  Hell if I know!


      METROCOURT

      NINA:  For you, Olivia.  A free copy of the newest Crimson 2.0 courtesy of the Editor-In-Chief herself!
      OLIVIA:  My cousin is spinning in her grave as we speak.
      NINA:  Embrace the irony, Olivia!   Embrace the environmentally-friendly message!  Embrace the bold fashion statement!   It's all green in 2016!
      OLIVIA:  Once you get past the creepy green tinge, it's actually halfway decent.

   
      PCPD

       NATHAN:  Maxie, have you, by any chance, seen Johnny Zacchara lately?
       MAXIE:  About that...
     
 
      PIER 54

      PAUL:  Dammit, Carrrrrrrrrrlos, what are you doing still here?   You're SUPPOSED to be presumed dead you numbskull!
      CARRRRRRRRLOS:  I'm leaving tonight.   I'm on the next boat out of town, never to be seen again.
      PAUL:  You'd better be or your death won't just be presumed, if you get my drift.

      SABRINA:  What are you doing talking to the D.A.?
      CARRRRRRRRLOS:  Relax, querrrrrrrrrida!   I was just telling him how much I'll miss this town and what a fine job he is doing of making sure I stay alive to see my baby.  So are you coming with me or not?
       SABRINA:  FINE!  I'll come with you.   It's not like I have an actual BOYFRIEND anymore.


      SABRINA AND FELIX'S APARTMENT

       MICHAEL:  (over phone)  Sabrina, please call me back.   I was wrong, and I just can't live without you.