Ring of Fire

       Dum da dum da dum dum dum DUM!   Dum da dum da dum dum dum DUM!   Val is trapped in a burnin' ring of fire!   Tied to a chair as the flames climbed higher!   And it burns, burns, burns!  That ring of fire!  That ring of FIRE!  

       The heat is on Kristina when Sonny and Alexis ask her how school's going.   Dante and Jordan are puzzled by Valerie's involvement with Johnny The Fugitive Zacchara.   Jake badmouths Sam to Jason.   Will Lulu rescue the cousin she despises from the flamin' cabin?  

     
       CABIN

         VALERIE:  MER FER!   BERG FER!   TER MERCH RERP!  HERLP!   HERLP! 
          FIRE:  Yeah, good luck with that.   I ain't gettin' any smaller and I'm comin' for ya, sister! 
         VALERIE:  ER THERNK ERM GERNER PERS ERT!  

       
       PCPD

           JORDAN:  Valerie and Zacchara?  What's up with that? 
           DANTE:  Good question.   How does she even KNOW the guy?  
           JORDAN:  She's going to be facing a lot of heat for this.
         
      
       LIZ'S HOTEL ROOM

       SAM:  This is cozy, Elizabeth.   What are you doing in Jason's room?  
       LIZ:  For your information, SAM, little Jake has a Mystery Creeper and we're hiding out.  
       JAKE:  What's SPAM doing here? 
       JASON:  Not cool, kid.   Apologize or I'll have to take your toy motorcycle to the toy garage.  
       JAKE:  (fingers crossed behind his back)  Sorry.   (to himself) Not sorry. 
       LIZ:  That was very rude, Jake.  (to herself) Why didn't I come up with that nickname?  Since when was I outwitted by an 8-year-old? 
       

        METROCOURT

      ALEXIS:  So, Kristina, what courses are you taking this semester?   How soon can I make you my law partner? 
      SONNY:  And why did your school bounce my check?   The money's 100% clean.  Totally legit.  I don't get it. 
      KRISTINA:  Can I plead the fifth?  
      ALEXIS:  OMG, you're in trouble.  
      SONNY:  Have you been hangin' out with Johnny Zacchara? 
      KRISTINA:  Look, there's Sam!  See ya! 

   
        OUTSIDE CABIN

       LULU:  Johnny?   Johnny?   This SO isn't funny, Johnny!   I smell smoke.  OMG, JOHNNY'S ON FIRE!    (runs into cabin)  I'LL SAVE YOU JOHNNY!   VALERIE?   Should I save the life of the cousin I despise with every fiber of my being?   VALERIE, WAKE UP SO I CAN SAVE YOUR HUBBY-STEALING ASS! 

     
         LIZ'S ROOM

      JAKE:  I don't like Sam.  She's the bastard child of a bastard child.   At least that's what The Empress of The Island said.   She is trying to wreck our family! 
      JASON:  Kid, you couldn't be more wrong about Sam.   She is Truth Seeker Extraordinaire and a very good person.   People tell me she's my wife.  
      JAKE:  But she will bring nothing but darkness and tedious misery.  
      JASON:  You're confused, buddy.   I mean, you were trapped on some island for four years with a very bad person, so who can blame you?  
      JAKE:  Do not speak ill of The Empress, daddy!   May she rest in peace until she rises again.  
     
    
       PCPD

     DANTE:  Bobbie, has something been off about Valerie lately?   Did you pick up the scent of one Johnny Zacchara on her? 
     BOBBIE:  MY NIECE would NEVER associate with a man like Johnny Zacchara!  
     JORDAN:  Yeah, about that...she's been seen with him and we have the pics to prove it. 
     DANTE:  Johnny's missing.  Valerie's missing.   Something's rotten in the town of Port Chuckles. 
     BOBBIE:  You must not know MY NIECE at all, Detective Falconeri!   Find her!  NOW! 

      
       CABIN

      LULU:  VALERIE!!!!   HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAVE YOUR STUPID LIFE IF YOU WON'T WAKE UP AND GET  THE HELL OUT OF THIS CABIN????  
      VALERIE:  Lulu?   What are...FIRE!!!   FIRE!!!! 
      LULU:  So you noticed?  We have to get out of her NOW!  

   
      METROCOURT

      KRISTINA:  You have to pinky-swear not to tell my parents that I've been suspended and I'm failing out of school.
      SAM:  Say WHAAAAAAT???  How did this happen?   Aren't you supposed to be really smart and stuff?
      KRISTINA:  I broke up with my boyfriend, had a nervous breakdown, and forgot to go to class for the rest of the semester.   I even tried to use my womanly wiles to get a passing grade so I wouldn't flunk out.
      SAM:  Tsk tsk tsk, Krissy!   That is way too Sam McCall of you, using sex to get the professor to change your grade.   Maybe I should tell mom what's going on after all.   She's going to lawyer it out of me somehow anyway. 
      KRISTINA:  You pinky swore!  
      SAM:  Fine, but stay out of professors' beds.  

   
     LIZ'S HOTEL ROOM

      LIZ:  We have to do something, Jason.  He's quoting Helena with shocking regularity! 
      JASON:  Did you have his head scanned for mind control chips?   The apple may not be falling too far from the tree, if you know what I mean.  
      LIZ:  Maybe I'll just try taking him to a shrink first.  

   
     OUTSIDE CABIN

       LULU:  Crap, I left my keys and my phone in the cabin!   Good thing I know how to pick a lock.  
       VALERIE:  First I'm burning up.  Now I'm freezing my ass off.  I'M SO CONFUSED!!!!