Rage Boy

     Liz is unnerved that Franco talked about Jake with Sam.   A frightening drawing scares the crap out of Jason.   Jake's anger toward Sam boils over.   Lulu asks Maxie and Olivia for help in getting Dante back.   Mayor Lomax tries to use Dante as a weapon against Olivia's lawsuit.   Kristina gives Sam advice on the Jake situation. 

    HOSPITAL

    FRANCO:  Elizabeth, I think your kid needs some emergency art therapy. 
    LIZ:  Since when is art therapy an emergency? 
    FRANCO:  Since I saw some of the truly creepy stuff he drew.   I'm not alone in thinking your kid's got some serious Baby Franco going on in that young mind of his.  
    LIZ:  What do you mean you're not alone?  
    FRANCO:  Surely you think something's up with your kid, don't you?  
    LIZ:  Well DUH!  I have to be desperate to fix Jake if I'm taking him to see YOU.   And you KNOW you weren't referring to me.   Who have you been blabbing about Jake to?  WHO????
    FRANCO:  Just the mother of his brother by another mother. 
    LIZ:  You were talking to SAM about Jake?  SAM?   Pssssst, Franco, she's PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1! 
    FRANCO: It's not like I showed her all the DEEPLY DISTURBING art your kid's creating.  


   LIZ'S HOUSE

   JASON:  Say, Jake, what's this picture all about?   (points to the Dead Sam picture) Did Helena introduce you to voodoo or something? 
   JAKE:  That's a VERY BAD WOMAN!  
   JASON:  Yeah, but Helena was older, blonder, and wore a lot more jewelry then this scary lady here.  She's also dead.   You don't have to be scared of her anymore.
   JAKE:  The Empress of the Island lives on and that picture is NOT HER!  
   JASON:  Then who is it?
   JAKE:  Scaryface Darkmore.   She's REALLY BAD AND BREAKS DADDIES!   You have to be careful, Daddy.
 
   
    METROCOURT RESTAURANT

    OLIVIA:  But what if everybody just stares AT MY BOOBS?  
    ALEXIS:  These boobs give your son DAMN AWESOME MILK, so let 'em stare.  We're gonna win this case and it will be a win for women everywhere!   I am SO on a feminist crusade and YOU are my muse, Olivia!
    RANDOM LADY:  You go, Boobs of Glory!
    ALEXIS:  We are doin' it for ourselves, Olivia!   Doin' it FOR OURSELVES! 


    LULU:  Maxie, you have to help me get my hubby back. 
    MAXIE:  You mean the same hubby that shacked up with Valerie on not one, but TWO major holiday?   Are you sure, Lulu?
    LULU:  Valerie and Dante have been history since they didn't hook up on Christmas.   The path is clear, Maxie.  I just need to sneak into his yacht and show him just what he's giving up.   Except I don't have a key.  
   MAXIE:  Can't you just ask his mom?  (points to Olivia)

  
   ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

    SAM:  Is there something you're not telling me, Krissy?  About your whole school situation?   PLEASE tell me you're not preggers with this Parker's kid. 
    KRISTINA:  What part of "I didn't have sex with Parker" don't you understand?   Parker turned me down, then turned me in.  Can we change the subject to, I don't know, YOU?  
   SAM:  So I was talking to Franco about Jake...
   KRISTINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?   Talking to FRANCO?   Do you have a death wish, Sam? 
   SAM:  It's not like he actually told me anything.  
   KRISTINA:  Just don't go trying to rescue some deranged kid who isn't even yours.  


   HOSPITAL

   JASON:  We need to fix Jake ASAP.   Look what he drew.   Freaky. 
   FRANCO:  What did I tell ya? 
   JASON:  Who asked you? 
   LIZ:  Actually I kinda did after it was sorta forced on me.  Franco is an art therapist.  
   JASON:  So THAT'S what they're calling it these days .
   FRANCO:  Hey, I thought he didn't remember me being a psychotic obsessed serial killer stalker!  
   JASON:  So, Franco, why is my kid drawing morbid pictures of women? 
   FRANCO:  Because he is full of simmering rage.  
   JASON:  Yeah, that explains it.  

   
    DANTE'S LOFT

    MAYOR LOMAX:  Detective Falconeri, I need your help talking your whackjob boob crusader mother down from her preposterous lawsuit. 
    DANTE:  Um...NO. 
    MAYOR LOMAX:  The apple doesn't fall too far from the crazy tree.  What does your wife think of you and your family of mixed nuts? 
   DANTE:  That it's NONEOFYOURDAMNBIZNESS!   Don't let the door hit you on the way out. 


   METROCOURT RESTAURANT

    LULU:  Olivia, can you help me?   I need the key to my old loft with Dante because I want to get him back.  
   OLIVIA:  What happened to your key? 
   LULU:  Lost it in a fit of rage.  It flew right through the dartboard I made with Valerie's face on it.   You want us to get back together, don't you, Olivia?   Then please help me.  Pretty please with about 500 cannolis on top.  


   LIZ'S HOUSE

  SAM:  Jake, you're bleeding!  What happened?   Where's your mother?  
  JAKE:  See that window?   A bad, evil, terrible, RAT BASTARD threw a rock through the window. 
  SAM:  Then why isn't there glass INSIDE THE HOUSE?   I know.  Because the person who threw the rock is YOU, Jake. 
  JAKE:  YOU'RE MEAN, SPAM!  I WANT MY DADDY!  (runs downstairs to the basement, hides under the stairs, and loosens a few steps. 
 SAM:  Jake?  Are you playing hide and seek?   Jake?  JAAAAAAAAAA--- (falls down the stairs)


 DANTE'S LOFT

  LULU:  How do I look?  This is the dress I wore when I told Dante I was pregnant but turned out not to be pregnant because I had a crazy uterus which I got fixed but not before that Britt woman gave birth to Rocco.   Won't that bring back some warm, fuzzy memories? 
  MAXIE:  As long as you leave out the part where I carried your embryo, lost your embryo, got knocked up by Spinelli and tried to pass Georgie off as you and Dante's.  
  LULU:  Deal.  
  MAXIE:  OMG, Lulu, don't look at these divorce papers. 
  LULU:  Guess what?  DANTE DIDN'T SIGN THEM!  DANTE DIDN'T SIGN THEM!   WOO HOO!  


 METROCOURT RESTAURANT

  DANTE:  Got a visit from our not-so-esteemed mayor today.  She tried to get me to tell you to call off the lawsuit.  I told her "No dice" and she got VERY STABBY.  
  OLIVIA:  Worst. Mayor. EVER!  What are those papers? 
  DANTE:   Divorce papers, ma.   Why, did you see Lulu?  
  OLIVIA:  She was in this restaurant.  Somewhere.  Oh yeah, I think she was with Maxie.  Yeah, that's it.

  MAYOR LOMAX:  Say goodbye to all the parties you have at this place, Ms. Falconeri.  You've been CUT OFF until you drop that lawsuit. 

 
  ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

   ALEXIS:  Goodbye, Kristina.   I'll miss you while you're at school.   I love you sooooooooo much and I wish I could travel in your pocket and attend all your classes with you. 
   KRISTINA:  I have to tell you something, Mom. 
   ALEXIS:  You can tell me ANYTHING, Krissy.  ANYTHING. 
   KRISTINA:  I'm totes for you marrying Julian.  I know Dad's so not into it, but you have my support.   Oh, and, um, I love you.  Bye. 
  ALEXIS:  Good bye.   One of these days you will meet a young man who will be YOUR Julian.  
  KRISTINA:  Um, yeah, okay.  

  KRISTINA (opens door):  OMG, what is SHE doing here.  Parker?