They've Lost That Lovin' Feeling.

    Try as they might, Lulu and Dante can't get that lovin' feeling back.   Thinking Sam is dead, Jake bolts and the babysitter (and Liz) freak.   Franco and Dr. Renault give Liz and Jason advice about how to deal with their troubled kid.  Nina makes her pitch to Olivia, but Julian's none too pleased.   Parker confronts Kristina about her situation at school.   Is it just me or does the basement in Liz's house look an awful lot like the basement of Luke's childhood home on Elm Street?   So does the rest of her house, for that matter.  

    BASEMENT OF LIZ'S HOUSE

          JAKE:  Sam?   Are you dead?   You're not answering.  I see blood.  You're dead, I guess.   I gotta get outta here! 

   
     HOSPITAL

         FRANCO:  Your kid needs a LOT of help.  Think me, before I had that Tumor of Evilness removed.   You've gotta get this kid fixed before he goes all Baby Franco on you. 
         JASON:  BEFORE?
         LIZ:  I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but thank you, Franco.
         JASON:  Yeah, thanks.   Look, I don't remember you in your psycho days, because, you know, getting run over by an SUV, but thanks for the heads-up.  


      DANTE'S APARTMENT

          DANTE:  Lulu?   What's with the getup and the candles and stuff?   Aren't you supposed to be pissed at me?  Or is it my turn to be pissed at you? 
          LULU:  Dante, don't you remember this dress?  I wore it the night I was not really pregnant with our nonexistent child.    Ah, the memories!   Remember 2012, when I looked like a different person.   For one, I was a little taller. 
         DANTE:  Yeah, I don't remember the dress being that long.
         LULU:  Cheers and beers!
         DANTE:  This beer looks familiar. 
         LULU:  Yeah, it's the beer you drank when you first hit on me. 
         DANTE:  Let's have sex.


      ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

         PARKER:  Kristina, you have to stop trolling me on that Yelp for Professors site. 
         KRISTINA:  Seriously?  You think that's ME?   I am SO not the trolling type.
         PARKER:  Do you parents know you're flunking out of school AND that you play for both teams? 
         KRISTINA:  Nope and Nope and that's how it's going to stay.   I know a guy.   That guy is my dad and you know what he does for a living?
         PARKER:  Isn't the the so-called mobster on wheels?
         KRISTINA:  His favorite words are "I'm gonna make you PAY" and when it comes to his daughter, he's going to make you pay BIG.   Besides, you're the one who came onto me.  
         PARKER:  I can have you EXPELLED!

 
        METROCOURT RESTAURANT

        NINA:  Olivia, how would you like YOUR BOOBS to be front and center on the cover of the next issue of Crimson?
       OLIVIA:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? 
       JULIAN:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
       NINA:  Your boobs are going to be FAMOUS, Olivia!   They will be a SYMBOL for a woman's right to breastfeed wherever she damn well wants to!
       OLIVIA:  So you're gonna use MY BOOBS to sell magazines?  Good luck with that.
       NINA:  Not just to sell magazines, but to sell the idea of real women feeding real babies with real boobs!   Yours are real, aren't they?
       OLIVIA:  I'll pretend I didn't hear that.   So you want ME to flash your entire readership so you can top your Green Issue? 
       JULIAN:  Do I get a say in this?
       NINA:   Um, NO!  
       JULIAN:  Since I'm your boss, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear THAT.   No way is my son going to appear on a fashion magazine cover attached to his baby mama's boob.


         HOSPITAL

      LIZ:  Can you see Jake, like in 5 minutes?
      DR. RENAULT:  Sorry, but that's just not gonna happen.  I have a date with a glass of Pinot Noir and my Netflix queue.   I'll see all of you tomorrow, first thing. 
      LIZ:  But what are we supposed to do tonight?   Krazy-glue Jake to his bed? 
      DR. RENAULT:  I wouldn't recommend that.   It would only add to his emerging rage and his poor, confused psyche.   I say you give him milk and cookies and sing kumbaya to settle his troubled soul. 


        LIZ'S HOUSE

       BABYSITTER:  I swear I left him alone for 10 minutes while I washed the toxic silly string out of my hair.  It smelled like Nair.   If I didn't wash it out I'd be BALD! 
       LIZ:  You let Jake OUT OF YOUR SIGHT?   Worst. Babysitter. EVER!   Why did Gram have to be so afraid of creepy kids? 
       JASON:  Not-bald lady, you're coming with me and we're going to find Jake while my ex makes herself bald by tearing her hair out.
   
     
    LIZ'S BASEMENT

      SAM:  Where am I?   Is that blood?   Why is this basement so creepy?  HELP!!!!


     DANTE'S APARTMENT

     LULU:  Ick!  The CHEATIN' Bed!  Stop, Dante! 
     DANTE:  This bed is forever tarnished. 
     LULU:  So is our marriage, isn't it. 
     DANTE:  We've lost that lovin' feeling.  Oh oh that lovin' feeling. 
     LULU:  We've lost that lovin' feeling.  Now it's gone, gone, gone, and we can't go on. 
     DANTE:  You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.
     LULU:  And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.
     DANTE:  We tried so hard not to show it.  But baby, baby we know it.
     LULU AND DANTE:  We've lost that lovin' feeling.  Now it's gone gone gone. 
     LULU:  The dotted line we'll sign on.  (signs the divorce papers)
     DANTE:  Oh, oh, oh. 

 
    ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

      PARKER:  Use this time away from school to wise up and stop trying to ruin my life.
      KRISTINA:  You mean, take the comments I never posted on your page down so your wife can unsee them? 
    

     METROCOURT RESTAURANT

     OLIVIA:  What the hey, Nina, I'll do it. 
     NINA:  You go, girl!  Bring the kid and make sure he's HANGRY! 
    ALEXIS:  What did I just walk in on?
    OLIVIA:  My boobs are going to be on the cover of Crimson!
    ALEXIS: You go, girl!
    JULIAN:  Please tell me my fiancee didn't just agree with the clown I hired to run my magazine into the ground.
    ALEXIS:  Stranger things have happened.


    NINA:  Franco, I've had the most awesome day!   I booked OLIVIA'S BOOBS for the cover of Crimson!
    FRANCO:  Oh.  What about the rest of her?
    NINA:  What's wrong, Franco?   Why aren't you jumping for joy at my success?
    FRANCO:  Art therapy's tough.
    NINA:  You had a bad day?   Did someone throw paint at you?  Because if they did, you clean up nicely.
    FRANCO:  It's this kid but I can't talk because of artist-patient confidentiality.  I think his case might be hitting home with me, but that's all I can say.   


     LIZ'S HOUSE

     LIZ:  OMG, where did Jake go?   Is he holed up in some snowbank somewhere?  (hears brakes squealing)  NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!   NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!! JAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEEEYYYY!