Where There's A Will...

  What says "Happy Valentine's Day" better than the reading of The Queen of Darkness's will?   It remains to be seen whether or not said Queen is really dead (I hope she's not!) but Laura hems and haws over whether or not to hear the will being read.   Nikolas claims he already has a copy of the will and Hayden tries to sneak a peek.   Maxie and Nathan conspire to get Dante and Lulu together for V Day while Jordan spends her date with Andre preoccupied with Curtis, who's on a date with Valerie.  Kristina seeks advice from Lucas and Brad.   Molly wants to take the next step with TJ.  Against medical advice, Sam leaves the hospital with Jason. 

     
     WYNDEMERE

      LAURA:  Can you two stop sucking face for two seconds so I can ask my son whether or not he is going to the dramatic, theatrical reading of Helena's will?  
      NIKOLAS:  What's there to read, Mother?  I already have the will right here (points to his head).  
      HAYDEN:  Really, Nikolas?   Care to enlighten your new wife as to who gets what? 
      LAURA:  Newsflash, Hayden:  Helena doesn't know you exist, so you get NOTHING!  

    
     HOSPITAL

     SAM:  I wanna go HOME!  For real this time. 
     JASON:  What part of recovering from nearly exploding do you not get?  
     SAM:  But I'm BORED here and I want to see Danny. 
     JASON:  FINE, but you have to rest and WEAR FLATS. 

     MOLLY:  OMG, Kristina!  YOU'RE A LESBIAN! 
     KRISTINA:  OMG, Molly!  YOU'RE WRONG! 
     MOLLY:  But P is for Parker and she's a woman. 
     KRISTINA:  P is for Peter Parker and he's SPIDERMAN!  
     MOLLY:  Very funny, Kristina.  Why won't you just admit you're gay and be done with it? 
     KRISTINA:  Maybe YOU'RE gay, Molly!
     MOLLY:  Am NOT!
     KRISTINA:  Prove it.  Do the wild monkey dance with TJ.  

   
      FLOATING RIB

     ANDRE:  Why do I have the feeling there are three people on this date?
     JORDAN:  I am SO SORRY I'm obsessed with Curtis and the way he's going to screw up Valerie more than she's already screwed up.  
      ANDRE:   I think you have deeper issues with this Curtis.   Do you want to discuss them with me?  
      JORDAN:  What, am I in a therapy session now?  
      ANDRE:  I promise I won't charge you a penny! 
      JORDAN:  Fine.  Curtis is my ex brother in law and stuff went down between me, him, and TJ's father Thomas.   I don't call him Curtis UpToNoGood for nothing.  

       CURTIS:  Good luck with this being a cop stuff.   Been there, done that, skipped the T-shirt. 
       VALERIE:  I'll keep that in mind. 

        JORDAN:  Stay away from Curtis, Valerie.   He is T.R.O.U.B.L.E
        VALERIE:  At least he's not married to a cousin I only recently found out I had.  


      SAM'S PENTHOUSE

       SAM:  There's no place like home!  There's no place like home! 
       JASON:  I hope those aren't 6" heels you're clicking.  
       DANNY:  Daddy, wanna play legos?   
       JASON:  How about a few bedtime stories instead, kiddo?   Seeing what just happened to Elizabeth's house, I think I'll stay away from anything involving the Big Bad Wolf.  
       SAM:  Probably a good idea.  

     
       HAUNTED STAR

       LAURA:  Lulu, should I go to the reading of my evil one-time stepmother's will?   On the one hand, there can't be anything GOOD in it for me because she hated me with the fire of a thousand suns.  On the other hand, morbid curiosity is not to be discounted. 
       LULU:  Knowing that woman, she probably left you something radioactive.   I'd stay away.  


       FLOATING RIB

      MAXIE:  Sad, sad Dante.  He looks so miserable playing pool by himself.   I have a plan.  
      NATHAN:  I am NOT, I repeat NOT dressing as cupid.  
      MAXIE:  Okay, plan B then.   You distract Frowny McSadface while I pry Lulu away from pouring booze at the Haunted Star. 
      NATHAN:  The things I do for love...  (to Dante)  Partner, rack 'em up.  

    
     HAUNTED STAR

     MAXIE:  Happy Valentine's Day, Lulu!   Now step away from the bar because I, your BFF, have a surprise for you.  
     LULU:  Why are you giving me a key to a hotel room?  Are you evicting me?  
     MAXIE:  Your masseur awaits.   Now drop the booze and get over there NOW!  (dials Nathan)  Elvis has left the building.  I mean Lulu has left the boat.  

    
     FLOATING RIB

     NATHAN:  Duty calls at the MetroCourt.  Room 501. 
     DANTE:  I'm bored silly.  I'll take it.  
     NATHAN:  It's all yours, Partner.  

   
    HOSPITAL

    KRISTINA:  Lucas, Brad, my friend wants to know when you knew you were gay. 
    LUCAS:  It was around the time I discovered I didn't like girls.  
    BRAD:  When I came shimmying out of my mom's ute and belted "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow".   
    KRISTINA:  Yeah, thanks, I'll let my friend know.

   
    HAUNTED STAR

    MOLLY:  TJ, let's get out of here and have some SEX!
    TJ:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?  
    MOLLY: I'm ready to do the deed.  Are you?
    TJ:  I guess.  

   
   WYNDEMERE

   HAYDEN:  Let's have a look-see at Nutty Granny's will, shall we?  
   LIZ:  BUSTED!  

   
    METROCOURT ROOM 501

    LULU:  Where's my mass--Dante? 
    DANTE:  Lulu? 
    LULU:  I smell a setup.   Sorry about this.   I need to go yell at Maxie.  If I can get out of this room!