Fuller Hospital

      You have to admit, the hospital was pretty full today, with Nathan getting serenaded by Mama Obrecht, Kiki getting serenaded by Mama Ava, and Morgan up on the roof having suicidal hallucinations.   Meanwhile, Carly's scalding her hands trying to remove Kiki's blood.  Franco and Nina are comforting Ava and looking in on Kiki.   Paul has a trick up his sleeve to keep Ava out of jail and Jordan is super pissed that she was left out of the investigation.  Oh, and enjoy the not-so-subtle nods to Fuller House :)   I adored the original show growing up and the premiere eppy of the Netflix revival even mentioned GH!

       NATHAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM

         OBRECHT:  (singing) Einunzveizig dreizig zveizig vunderbar gewurtztraminer liebchen auf wiedersehn!
          NATHAN:  This is all very sweet, Mama Liesl, but if you're going to sing in a foreign language, can you at least make it French?
          NINA:  I'm with Jay.  German just sounds really scary.
          OBRECHT:  Vere you viss Nassan ven he vas shot?  Vy didn't you jump in front of him? 
          NINA:  How RUDE!  

      
        HOSPITAL ROOF

       MORGAN:  I've screwed up too many times.  I've hurt too many people. 
       HALLUCI-KIKI:  Have no fear!  Kiki is here! 
       MORGAN:  Kiki!   It's a mircale!!!! 
       HALLUCI-KIKI:  Then why am I still bleeding? 
       MORGAN:  Wait, now I'm confused.  Did you get shot trying to protect me from getting shot or didn't you? 
       HALLUCI-KIKI:  You know what happens when you think with the wrong part of your body...  When Little Morgan's making the executive decisions, really weird stuff happens. 
       MORGAN:  Little Morgan has let me down.  He has failed me, Kiki!    I have to put him and me out of our collective misery.

    
       HOSPITAL

      AVA:  DAMMIT, HOT DOC!   Just tell me how Kiki is.   Is she alive?   Dead?  Crygenically frozen Cassadine-style? 
      GRIFFIN:  She's out of surgery and being moved into the ICU. 
      AVA:  Will she live?  Will she walk out of here or am I going to have to steal a wheelchair from my worst enemy?
      GRIFFIN:  Sorry, Ms. Jerome.  I left my Magic 8 Ball in the OR. 
      FRANCO:  Don't you hate when that happens?   I mean, how are you supposed to get any talking-to-the-family done now? 
    
      NINA:  I meant what I said about Jay.  I'm footing the bill for a guard outside his room so he doesn't do any copping while he's recovering. 
      OBRECHT:  I don't know vat has come over me, but suddenly I feel like hugging it out viss you, Nina!

    
      PCPD

     JORDAN:  You're in BIG TROUBLE, Mister!
     PAUL:  How many times do I have to tell you, Commish?  I was UN-DER-CO-VER! 
     JORDAN:  You were conducting a FEDERAL INVESTIGATION and you left me out of the loop!  
     PAUL:  The Port Chuckles PCPD is a clown show, Commish!   There was no WAY this outfit could have handled a major arms deal.   NO FRIGGIN WAY!  
    JORDAN:  And why hasn't Ava Jerome been arrested yet?  
    

    HOSPITAL

    ANDRE:  Who let the Morgan out?
    NURSE:  But...but...he had to PEE!   He didn't want me seeing Little Morgan!

    CARLY:  I have Kiki's BLOOD on my hands, Sonny!
    SONNY:  Hey, it's not like I was movin' all them guns through my territory, Carly!   How was I supposed to know Morgan was going to go all Elmer Fudd on those bastards?
    CARLY:  I TOLD you we needed to tie Morgan to a chair and force-feed him his meds!

    NINA:  I know I stole you baby and left the country with her after plunging needles into you, but I thought you would like Kiki's earrings.  They are the height of fashion.  Oh, and I sorta don't hate you anymore.
    AVA:  Thank you, Nina.  I sorta don't hate you either. 
    FRANCO: Come on you two, HUG IT OUT!!!

  
    PCPD

    JORDAN:  How DARE Paul conduct a federal investigation behind my back!   With YOUR help!   And here I thought you wanted to turn his ass in for being a mole for the mob.
    ANNA:  Um...it's complicated. 
    JORDAN:  O to the MG, don't tell me you and Paul are...
    ANNA:  EW, NO!
    JORDAN:  I was going to say "in cahoots". 
    ANNA:  Paul is the key to me nailing Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos, which is the key to me nailing Julian Jerome and his little sister too.   Don't arrest Paul until I arrest Carlos.  Deal?


    HOSPITAL BATHROOM

     CARLY:  (to self)  Must. Wash. Kiki's. Blood. Off. My. Hands.  DAMMIT!   It's NOT COMING OFF!!!!!!   (turns the water to scalding)
     GRIFFIN:  OCD much? 
     CARLY:  I have blood on my hands, Hot Doctor!   The blood of an innocent girl whose life is in your hands because I let MY SON loose on the pier.  Unmedicated.
     GRIFFIN:  Well, think of it this way.  You won't have anything on your hands for the next few days but these bandages.  That's one helluva way to try to remove some dried blood. 
      CARLY:  It's KIKI'S BLOOD, Hot Doc!   Dear, sweet Kiki!   Wait, aren't you the doc who helped my hubby lie to me about being able to walk? 
      GRIFFIN:  I always knew that Doctor-Patient Confidentiality thing would come back to bite me in the form of a hot-handed wife of a mob boss. 

    
      NATHAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM

      MAXIE:  James Nathan Ryan West Paevey Reeves Obrecht, I know you're doped up on the joy juice, but will you marry me? 
      NATHAN:  Nah, not feeling it.   I don't think you're feeling it either because five minutes ago you were a charter member of the Marriage is Stupid club.
      MAXIE:  But...but...I cancelled my membership!
      NATHAN:  It looks like your cancellation hasn't gone through yet.  Try again later.  Better yet, let ME try again later, Claudette.  (drifts off to sleep)
      MAXIE:  OMG, who the hell's Claudette?  Is Nathan cheating on me with a FRENCH WOMAN????  
   
   
      HOSPITAL ROOF

      MICHAEL:  Morgan, you forgot your jetpack.   It's a little dangerous to jump off the roof without one. 
      MORGAN:  Leave me and Kiki alone, Mikey. 
      MICHAEL:  Hate to break it to you, little bro, but you're having a hallucination.   Kiki's on her way to ICU.   Now get your ass down from the ledge!
      ANDRE:  (to self) Oh boy, we have a jumper... (to Morgan)  Hello from the other side!   If you jump now you will die!  And your family, they will be so sad 'cuz you're gone.
      MORGAN:  Leave me alone, Shrink!   Me and Little Morgan, we don't want any more of your stupid meds!
     ANDRE:  Is that why you went off them?   You know Big Pharma has a solution to your Little Morgan problem too.
     MORGAN:  SCREW Big Pharma!  SCREW all your psychobabble!
     SONNY:  Hey Morgan!  Good news!  I can walk!   It's a miracle!   If I can get better, you can get better too.
     MORGAN:   SCREW miracles!   SCREW EVERYTHING!!!!   Jumping on three.  ONE!  TWO!
     SONNY:  If you're jumpin', son, you're takin' me with you!   Lucky for us, I brought some bungee cords.   Ready for a father-son adventure?   We'll survive the fall, but then your mother will kill us, so we'd be better off if we both climb down now and save her the trouble.   You got it, son? 
     MORGAN:  Fine.  You got it, dude.  I mean, Dad. 

   
     HOSPITAL

     PAUL:  How's Kiki Watch going?
     AVA:  It's all YOUR FAULT!!!!   You made me run guns with Raj!   IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU AND THAT STUPID INCRIMINATING FLASH DRIVE!!!! 
     PAUL:  And here I thought Morgan was off HIS rocker!  If you'd calm down for two seconds and HAVE MERCY on me, I'll show you your Get Out of Jail Free Card. 

  
    PCPD

    JORDAN:  I have a warrant for Ava Jerome's arrest.
    PAUL:  No can do.   Read it and weep.   (shows Jordan Ava's immunity deal).

 
   ICU

    AVA:  Kiki, oh Kiki!   Rockabye Kiki, in the ICU.  When machines beep, it's loud in this room.   When you wake up, we'll have some fondue.  And watch some Netflix and drink some wine too!


 OUTSIDE ICU

  ANNA:  Poor, poor Kiki.   In the wrong place at the wrong time.


 BY HOSPITAL ELEVATOR

   SONNY & CARLY:  Morgan, we love you.
   ANDRE:  Morgan, Shadybrook won't be so bad.   I hear there's a lady there who will let you beat her at Checkers every time.   Just stay away from anyone carrying a needle and asking you where she can get a BLT.   Not unless you want to go on a long and very strange trip.