The One Where Jason Is In Two Places At The Same Time

     Seeing how the space-time continuum is twisted into a pretzel in Port Chuckles, with wormholes, teleporting and the like, it shouldn't be at all surprising that Jason was at the hospital with Liz awaiting the results of Jake's surgery and at the same time in Liz's basement with Sam.  However, the Jason in the basement was a hallucination of Sam's brought on by toxic fumes from a gas leak.  

      At the Floating Rib, things were all kinds of awkward with Lulu, Valerie, Dante & Dillon in the same building and Nathan, Maxie, and Curtis along for the ride.   Morgan and Kiki take their date back to her place.  Cameron surprises Liz at the hospital.   In Vegas, Hayden runs into someone from her past.  


      HOSPITAL

          LIZ:  Ugh, why does surgery take so long? 
          JASON:  They gotta put Jake back together again, you know.  Put his organs in the right places and all. 
          LUCAS:  All looks fine from the observation deck.  Don't worry.  There's not a Junior Mint to be found on me.  
          LIZ:  Thank you, Lucas.   How much longer is he going to be in there?  It feels like it has been two days already.
          LUCAS:  It's gonna be awhile.  We're only an hour in.  Go home, grab some eats and take a nap.  I'll text you when he's out and you can teleport yourself here lickety-split. 


      FLOATING RIB

       VALERIE:  Thanks for the night out, Dillon.   I haven't had too much fun since almost burning to death in some random cabin in the middle of nowhere.
       DILLON:  It's all good.   We're pals, right Val?   Let's play some pool.
       CURTIS:  My table.  
       DILLON:  I guess nobody taught you how to share.  
       CURTIS:  I'll share.  With ONE of you.  The FEMALE ONE. 
       VALERIE:  Me?
       CURTIS:  Hell yeah!  No offense, dude, but she's way hotter than you.  
       DILLON:  None taken.  

       
      DILLON:  Lulu, you're not seriously thinking of hanging here at the Rib tonight, are you?
      LULU:  Um YEAH.  Maxie and I are having a girls' night out and I'm going to drown my divorce in some serious hooch.  
      DILLON:  Don't you think the hooch is a little, I don't know, classier at the MetroCourt?  
      LULU:  You're trying to get rid of me.  
      DILLON:  Turn around.
      LULU:  So, it's the cousin I almost burnt at the stake.  No big deal.
      DILLON:  As your friend who doesn't want you to spontaneously combust, I am strongly advising you to beat feet. 

     MAXIE:  This town SERIOUSLY needs more hangouts.  I mean THREE restaurants in all of Port Chuckles and one of them is in a hotel?  
     DANTE:  Who's that dude with Valerie?
   
     
      LAS VEGAS

      BAXTER:  Rachel, don't you remember me?  
      HAYDEN:  I don't know a Rachel.   Except the one on Friends, but she was not a real person. 
      BAXTER:  Come on, Rach!  It's me, Baxter! 
      NIKOLAS:  Hey, I paid off the Burger King and the clown.  Who's this? 
      HAYDEN:  Beats me.  He has me confused with a TV character from the '90s that I don't even look like.   
      BAXTER:  What kind of game are you playing, Rachel?
      NIKOLAS:  My wife's name is not Rachel.  
      HAYDEN:  See!  


     PROMENADE

      KIKI:  Seen one waterfront promenade, you've seen them all.  Let's get lost. 
      MORGAN:  Okay.  


     HOSPITAL

     CAMERON:  Hi Mom.  How's Jake's surgery?   Here's a get well card for him. 
     LIZ:  Hi Cam!   Mommy's so happy to see you. 
     CAMERON:  Why does Jake keep getting run over by cars? 
     JASON:  That's a good question, Cam.  Come here, kid.  
     CAMERON:  I'm having some guilt feels about Jake.  When he came back from the dead, I thought he was a vampire and not really my little brother.  Why did it take so long for him to become undead?  
      JASON:  It's a long story and it's so weird that nobody, not even me or your mom, can understand it.   But don't worry.  Jake is not going anywhere this time and as far as I know, he hasn't sucked anyone's blood.  
     
     
     LIZ'S BASEMENT

      HALLUCI-JASON:  Sam, don't you know that space heaters are a death trap?   Come to me.  I'll take you away from this dark, creepy dungeon. 
      SAM:  Is this real life?  
      HALLUCI-JASON:  You sound like that kid all hopped up on novocaine in that viral YouTube video.  Just get up and run to me, heels and all. 
      SAM:  How did you know where to find me?  
      HALLUCI-JASON:  I'm in your head, so I didn't have to look too far.  

   
     FLOATING RIB

   DANTE:  Hi Valerie. 
   VALERIE:  Hi Dante.  Bye Dante.  
   CURTIS:  Awk-ward...
   VALERIE:  Well, you see, that guy is my cousin's husband.  My cousin and I hate each other's guts because I slept with her husband and she sent a crazy fugitive after me who nearly got me burnt to a crisp in an abandoned cabin.   So yeah, things are tense.  

    LULU:  I have to clear my conscience and apologize to Valerie.
    DILLON:  Two words:  Too soon.
    LULU:  Four words:  I'm doing it anyway.
    DILLON:  Oh good grief!

    LULU:  Valerie, I'm sorry I sicced Johnny on you and tried to run you out of town. 
    VALERIE:  Sorry, try again.   You nearly had me KILLED, Lulu!   Consider yourself unfriended AND uncousined.  


    LAS VEGAS

     HAYDEN:  You go set up the room.  I have a few...errands to run. 
     NIKOLAS:  Going to hit up the slots?  
     HAYDEN:  Nah, just going to find some lingerie that will BLOW. YOUR. MIND. 
     NIKOLAS:  I'm up for having my mind blown.  

     HAYDEN:  You never knew me.  You never saw me.  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Take this money and RUN! 
     BAXTER:  That's cute.  

    
    NINA, FRANCO, & KIKI'S APARTMENT

    MORGAN:  Let's kick this Scrabble game up a notch. 
    KIKI:  If this involves guns or fishing gear, you can forget about it. 
    MORGAN:  If you win, I'll tell you about Little Bunny FooFoo
    KIKI:  The one who trolls all the field mice?  
    MORGAN:  I promise I won't shoot it.  
    KIKI:  Or we could have sex. 
    MORGAN:  Or just make out.  
    KIKI:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?  
    
    
    HOSPITAL

     LUCAS:  We have a problem. 
     LIZ & JASON:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? 

 
    LIZ'S BASEMENT

    SAM:  I'm coming Jason.  I'm coming!   Where are you?   Crap!  A hallucination.   And I'm back on the floor.  

   
    LAS VEGAS

    NIKOLAS:  Ready for Le Petit Mort? 
    HAYDEN:  You have to ask?  

    BAXTER:  (on phone)  I ran into an old friend today in Vegas...

   
    OUTSIDE THE FLOATING RIB

    DILLON:  Let's take a walk. 
    LULU:  I want to be alone. 
    DILLON:   Spot-on Greta Garbo impression!  Just pretend I don't exist for about five minutes.  That should do the trick.


    INSIDE THE FLOATING RIB

    DANTE:  I'm outta here.  Have fun guys.
    NATHAN & MAXIE:  Ooooookay.
   
    CURTIS:  You daaaaaamn good at this pool thing.  
    VALERIE:  If only I was this good at life.