It's finally February 20 in Port Chuckles and Morgan's in restraints, Kiki's in surgery, Hayden's chatting with Curtis at the crime scene, and Lulu's drying out and warming up in her hospital bed. Over at Shriners Hospital for Children in Philly, Jason, Liz, and Monica are talking it all out about love, lies, and little Jake.
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: LET ME OUT OF THESE GODDAMN SHACKLES, MIKEY!!!!
MICHAEL: Want some apple juice?
MORGAN: I DON'T WANT NO STINKIN' JUICE THROUGH A STRAW BECAUSE MY WRISTS ARE IN THESE STUPID STRAPS!!!!
MICHAEL: Sucks about those restraints, but your shrink says they're for your own good. And for the good of anyone you may consider a wascally wabbit.
MORGAN: How am I supposed to help KIIIIIKIIIII if I'm chained to this bed, Mikey?
MICHAEL: Unless you got some secret medical degree while you were away at military school, there isn't much you can do for Kiki right now.
HOSPITAL
AVA: How's Kiki? Is she going to live? PLEASE tell me she's going to live! She's my KIIIIKIIII!
GRIFFIN: She's going into surgery right now, Ms. Jerome. We're going to try our bestest!
FRANCO: You better try your better than bestest because, you know, I used to be a serial killer.
GRIFFIN: Good to know. I'll alert my team.
LULU'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DANTE: I'm feeling all the love feels for Lulu right now.
LAURA: Thank you for saving her life. Somewhere along the line, Luke and I forgot to get her some swimming lessons. Kinda regretting that now.
DANTE: Surely there's a Y somewhere in Port Chuckles. It's never too late. She and Rocco can take lessons at the same time.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
MONICA: Shriners Hospitals for Children is the best hospital that ever existed!
JASON: What about GH? You know, the hospital in Port Chuckles where, as far as I remember, you spent your entire career?
MONICA: Jason, everybody knows GH is but a FICTIONAL hospital on a SOAP OPERA!
JASON: Yeah, I guess I forgot that. Memory's still not all the way back.
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: Nurse, I gotta pee.
NURSE: Bedpan coming right up.
MORGAN: Um, NO! There is NO FRIGGIN WAY I'm showing you Little Morgan this early in our relationship.
NURSE: Excuse me, we're in a relationship?
MORGAN: We could be if you unstrap me and let me use the toilet like a normal person.
NURSE: About that, you're kinda in restraints for a reason.
MORGAN: Pretty please with a cherry, no make that TEN CHERRIES on top.
NURSE: Cherries aren't my scene.
MORGAN: Then whatever the hell you want on top. Just let me outta here for 2 seconds. That's how long it will take for me to pee. 2 seconds.
NURSE: FINE!!!! Make it snappy.
PIER 54
CURTIS: Do you always hang out at crime scenes?
HAYDEN: No, but when I do it's at this pier. I just need to think some thinks about how gunshots give me PTSD after, well, you know.
CURTIS: Nice rock! Who gave that to you? A prince?
HAYDEN: Damn straight! Prince Nikolas Cassadine, my new hubby. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.
CURTIS: Don't tell me Mr. Blue Blood is the dude who tried to put you in the ground! Death wish much?
HAYDEN: You ARE familiar with the concept of leverage, aren't you?
LULU'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LULU: Mom? Dante? Is this real life? Why did I dream about so much water. Cold water. Was I back in Stavros's freezer?
DANTE: No, you were in Port Chuckles Harbor getting your glug on.
LULU: OH YEAH! There was this really mean, scary guy who wanted to throw a party on The Haunted Star, but then he slapped duct tape over my mouth, threw away my phone, and the next thing I remember was all that water. Why did NO ONE teach me how to swim?
NIKOLAS: Hello, little sister. I'm happy to see you're not at the bottom of Port Chuckles Harbor.
LULU: I would have been fish food if Dante hadn't saved my life. I'm not ready to undivorce him yet.
NIKOLAS: Well, you can always stay at Wyndemere as long as you be nice to Hayden.
HOSPITAL
AVA: It's not ALL Morgan's fault that Kiki got shot. The universe is just paying me back for killing Connie.
MORGAN: How's Kiki?
AVA: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, MORGAN! She might DIE because she was helping YOU not get shot.
FRANCO: Morgan, go to your room!
MORGAN: KIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIII!!!!!! (Hides behind wall)
DOCTOR: Damn bullet's stuck!
AVA: Is she going to be paralyzed?
DOCTOR: That's the $64,000 question.
AVA: This is ALL Morgan's fault.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
JASON: You know, Monica, even though she lied to me for SEVEN MONTHS, Liz has repented and she's become the Jake Whisperer.
LIZ: Thanks for having my back, even though I lied to you and stole you from Sam and Danny and Monica because I wanted to play happy families with you.
JASON: Hey, at least you got Jake off the put Mommy and Daddy back together train and 'fessed up to him about the 7-month lie.
LIZ: Let's be friends.
JASON: I'm down with that.
LIZ: Have I extolled the virtues of Shriners Hospitals for Children yet today?
HOSPITAL
NIKOLAS: Just in case you were curious, Hayden wasn't shot.
LAURA: This Snickers bar is as delicious as Shriners Hospitals for Children is second to none in patient care. Oh, what was that about your untrustworthy wife?
NIKOLAS: She was having flashbacks to being shot last year.
LAURA: By YOUR goon! If she finds out, you're screwed.
NIKOLAS: How is she going to find out? She doesn't even know what my goon LOOKS LIKE! Is she going to somehow find the bullet, run a ballistics test and figure out it didn't come from Shawn Butler's gun? What are the chances?
LULU'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DANTE: Guess what, Lulu? You're getting sprung! What do you say to coming home to your hubby who just saved your life?
LULU: But Wyndemere doesn't have The Bed of Infidelity in it.
HOSPITAL ROOF
MORGAN: KIIIIIKIIIIII'S DYING AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT! Let me climb up on this here ledge and...HOLY CRAP IT'S A LONG WAY DOWN!!!
HOSPITAL
AVA: Hot doctor, how's Kiki and why do you have that bad news look on you face?
GRIFFIN: Well...
Funny
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