Black Friday at The General Hilarity Curiosity Shoppe

   I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.   After the Q pizza has all been consumed and all that remains of the Webber/Drake/Morgan feast is the wishbone and assorted leftovers, many brave souls in The Chuckles head to retail establishments such as Wyndhams, fighting the crowds and armed with emergency pepper spray, tasers, and, if you're Nina Clay, hotel lamps, in case a riot breaks out, for Black Friday.   Here at the totally bogus General Hilarity Curiosity Shoppe, we sell everything you would need to associate with the likes of Spencers, Cassadines, Quartermaines, Corinthoses, Westbournes, Falconeris, and Jeromes:   

  Groceries

  Olivia's Cannolis: No Italian-American grandmother should be without them.  Cost: A cute baby to hug and kiss

  BLT:  Heather Webber's diet staple.  Cost:  Your sanity

  BLT Omelet:  Heather suggested this new menu item to Shawn while in captivity in Sonny's warehouse.  Cost: The lives of a few more pigs in The Chuckles

  Spaetzel: Dr. Obrecht brought this to Thanksgiving Dinner at Wyndemere.  Cost: One peek at Cesaaah

  Quartermaine Thanksgiving Pizza:  It happens every year, without fail.  Cost:  The traditional Thanksgiving dinner. 

  Franco's Invisible Popcorn:  Who cares if you can't see it.  It's delicious!   Cost: Carly's relationship with Michael.

  Lulu's Ginormous Plate O' Spaghetti:  It's bottomless!  Cost:  Your (but not Dante's or Lulu's) waistline

  Kelly's Milkshakes:  Now featuring corn flavor!   Cost: 4 hungry 9-year-olds. 

  Josslyn's Corn on the Cob:  The corn girl must be fed her maize!   Cost: A well-balanced diet and an advanced palate.

  Cassadine Feta: Greek by way of Russia, so don't be surprised if it tastes vaguely like sour cream.  Cost:  A Faberge egg or two

  Possibly Awful Waffles:  They don't necessarily get Dr. Britt Westbourne's seal of approval.  Cost:  The risk you take if the actually do taste awful.

  Danny's Lollipops:  When Danny's good at his doctor's appointments, he gets one.  Cost: A small amount of your blood.

  Noodle Buddha's Lo Mein w/ Fortune Cookies:  Sam & Patrick's aphrodesiac of choice.  Cost:  Hefty out-of-town delivery fee. 

  Dr. Obrecht's NutriGruel:  Extremely unappetizing-looking hospital fare that is the brainchild of sociopathic Chief of Staff Leisl Obrecht.  Cost:  At least one barf bag

  Tracy's Space Cake, now with higher-grade weed:  They're always upping their pot game in Amsterdam.  Cost:  Your sobriety and quite possibly your dignity, should something untoward transpire after consumption.
 
  Electronics

  Evil Eye Spycam Necklace:  It's one ugly piece of jewelry, but if your main squeeze has been a-cheatin' and you need the proof, there's nothing better.   Cost:  Your relationship with the recipient once he or she discovers the espionage component. 

  Tablet of Truth:  Get your latest Port Chuckles news, plus so much more on the device that proves you live in the 21st century.  Cost:  Your old-school newspaper.  

  Nina's Cockadoody Cell Phone:   She may have been in a 23-year coma, but she caught onto the texting phenomenon very quickly.  Cost:  Nina & her mother know your dirty little secret.

  Invisible Personal Teleportation Unit:  How else can you get from Wyndemere to Kelly's to the Q Mansion in 5 seconds flat.  Cost:  You might get sucked into a black hole and not appear in The Chuckles for months or years at a time.  We think this might have happened to poor little Aiden Webber.  Either that or he's in the Witness Protection Program:  Kiddie Division.

  Villainry & Such

   Needles of Badness #1 and #2:  Number 1 paralyzes the mother of the baby you want to claim as your own and Number 2 induces labor.  Cost:  Escape trip to Canada with one-time serial killer

   Bad Bad Premature-Labor Pills:  If you suspect someone caused the premature birth of your baby and said someone happens to be pregnant, this works in a similar manner to Needle of Badness #2  Cost:  The wrath of the recipient and your job if you get found out.  
    Weaponized Antler Decor for Inducing Repentance:  Relative, such as mother, put you in a coma for over two decades?   The deer antlers intimidate the object of your wrath into repenting.  Cost:  Any shred of your remaining sanity.

   Weaponized Vase for Lurking Behind Walls:  You're in hiding and you'll clock anyone who reveals your location.  Cost:  Possible assault charges and a trip to the loony bin

   Weaponized Hotel Lamp "Mr. Lamp" for Knocking Out Uncooperative Mothers:  Works on fathers, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiances, as well.   Cost:  Your partner in crime, possible assault/attempted murder charges and an extra-tight straitjacket. 

    Helena's Trusty Dagger:   When throat-slitting is your M.O., the dagger is the way to go.  Cost:  Faked death and cryogenic preservation.   Not like the cold ever bothered her anyway.  

    Faison's Cigarillos:  Tiny little smokes for the dastardly Danish demon.  Cost:  Your lungs

    Franco's Incriminating Sonny & Carly Sex Tape on DVD in HD with Dolby Digital Surround Sound.  Cost:  You can't unsee it!   Or unhear it!

     Heather's Needle of LSD Badness:  What doesn't kill you makes you psychic.  Cost:  Terrifying hallucinations and being condescendingly dismissed as having "one of your visions". 


   
  Books

   Weaponizing Household Objects by Nina Clay.  Includes a chapter on Pharmaceutical Names for Your New Baby Who's Not Really Yours.  Cost:  Extradition from your home country. 

   Safecracking for Dummies by Samantha Morgan.  Includes a chapter on silly putty.   Cost:  An insult from the sharp-tongued Tracy Quartermaine & a picture of Cesar Faison. 
  
  Cassadine Bedtime Stories by Helena and Stavros Cassadine.  Includes a glossary of Helena's insults.  Cost: Nightmares! 

   My Kingdom for A BLT by Heather Webber.  Includes a chapter on food for art inspiration.  Cost:  Indigestion from BLT overconsumption.

   I'm Not Really A Drug Dealer (but I Can't Tell You That Yet) by Jordan Ashford.  Includes a chapter on concealing the results of DNA tests.   Cost:  Your only child's trust. 
 
  Medical Devices

  The Nina Chair:  The best wheelchair you'll never need.  Cost:  Your marriage. 

  The Needle of Non-Labor Goodness:  If someone should give you Bad Bad Premature Labor pills, this is the only antidote.  Cost:  Momentary discomfort at injection site. 
  

  Other Items

 Daily Subscription to the Port Charles ToddJulian Press:  Keep up with who did what to whom in The Chuckles in old-school paper format.  Cost:  Your ability to call yourself part of the 21st century. 

 Name Change Papers:  When your adoptive dad shoots your bio dad and your mom covered up the crime, it might be a time to change family allegiances.   Also, babies named after pharmaceuticals may eventually consider these.   Cost:  Your former name. 

 Nina's Revenge List:  Are you on it?  If so, BEWARE THE NINA!  Cost:  The risk of anxiety that your name is indeed on THE LIST. 

 Stavros & Lulu's Embryo-In-A-Thermos:  Helena Cassadine's current prized possession.   Cost:  Ability to pry it away from Madame Cassadine.  She may be an octogenarian, but do not underestimate her fierceness or her trusty dagger. 

 Franco's Tumor-In-A-Jar:  The best defense for past serial-killing.  Cost:  It ain't pretty to look at.

 Baby Zyrtec's Nomadic Existence Crib:  Poor Baby Zyrtec, with no place yet to call home.   Cost:  Confused, agitated baby.