They're Arresting Everyone!

Panic among the 9-year-olds of Port Chuckles!   Michael pays his DEAD TO HIM parents a visit in the pokey, Larry Ashton blusters about ELQ and Jake sees a pic of his old face.

 JAKE:  Nice digs, Uhlizabeth.  Whoa, I recognize this face.   Was this my face?   Before the plastic surgery and all?   I guess I knew you back then.   Sorry for being all creepy and looking at your pictures.  Cute kids.  So this is my namesake?  Nice looking little dude.   Sorry he died and all.   I had brain surgery before?   That's something you don't hear every day. Hi Cam!   Yeah, my name is Jake, I think.   I kinda lost my memory, so I could be wrong about my name but Jake feels right to me.   Help you with your homework?   If it's history, you're outta luck because my brain only goes back about a week or so.  Math?   I remember two plus two, but that's about it.  What the hey?  I'm ready to learn fractions if are, kiddo.

  LIZ:  Welcome home, Jake!   You like my pictures?   No, it's not creepy!   They're there to be seen.  Yeah, that's Jason.   And here's my grandmother.   She's the best octogenarian babysitter EVER!   Here are Cameron and Aiden and this is Jake.  He was such an adventurous little guy.   Hey, Patrick, Sam.  Thanks for taking care of Cam.   Yeah, Jake's living with me since Dr. Obrecht booted him and he doesn't remember where he lives.   Cam, this is Jake.   He's going to be living with us for awhile.   I kind of adopted him.

 PATRICK:  Wow, Kelly's milkshakes really bring the 9-year-olds to the yard--I mean diner.   Let's get down to mystery-solving adventure business, shall we, Sam?   I suspect Lord Larry Ashton's drunken buffoon act is just that--an act.  He has to be working for Jerry.   Tracy wants to go all rogue and do her own investigation but I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.   So how are we going to prove he's Jerry's gopher?   Hey, kids, what's up?  Why the rush?   Hi Liz.  Cam and his fellow foil hats had a great time at Kelly's.  Who knew milkshakes brought out the conspiracy theorists in fourth graders?   So you're John Doe whose brain scans I looked at while you were bandaged up like a mummy.   Are you aware that you've had brain surgery before?   Nice to meet you and sorry about Dr. Frankenstein Von Obrecht.   I'm about to find out whether I'm getting my job back.  If not, this P.I. stuff is kind of fun.  Maybe it's time for a career change.   See you around, Liz.

 SAM:  So this is what Danny will be like in six years?  Fun times.   How did it go at the Qs?   Any luck with Lord Ashton?   Are Larry & Jerry thick as thieves?   Do you trust Tracy?   I'm not so sure I do.   We need to get to the bottom of this.   Hi Liz.  Oh, this is that guy from the hospital who looks eerily familiar to me.  Why do I feel a sense of deja vu every time I look at him?   He has this...I don't know...JASON vibe about him.   But a slightly younger Jason.   My Jason had to be in his early forties.  This guy isn't a day over 35.

 CAMERON:  This milkshake sure is delicious.   Ha ha, Spencer!  Josslyn said palate, not mallet.  Spencer doesn't know the difference between palate and mallet.   Oh, and your uncle Sonny's in the slammer.   Read it and WEEP!   Oh, Emma, you're so caring.  That's why I love you.   (at home) Who's this guy with a cane?  He looks too young to need a cane.   His name is not Jake!   That was my little brother's name.  Before he got run over.   You got run over too?  But you're not dead.   Can you help me with my homework.  It's fractions.   Do you remember what fractions are?

 SPENCER:  Of course you would pick VANILLA, you townie!   I know what a palate is.  It's what you use in cricket--I mean croquet.  Uncle Sonny's not in JAIL!  THAT'S NOT TRUE!   Thank you, Joss.  I'm there for you too because your mom's in the pokey too.  This is crazy!   We have to get out of here before we all get ARRESTED!   The cops are going crazy!  THEY'RE ARRESTING EVERYONE!

 EMMA:  How was the wedding, Josslyn?  Sorry about your uncle, Spencer.

 JOSSLYN:  There was no wedding.  STANCO is history!  I wish there were a corn-flavored milkshake!   I wish EVERYTHING were corn-flavored because I'M A CHILD OF THE CORN!   You just don't like it because you don't have a palate.  That means a taste for something.  Mom has a palate for bad men, except for Daddy, of course.  What do you mean you're there for me, Spencer?  WHAT?  MOM'S IN JAIL AND NOBODY TOLD ME?

 MICHAEL:  Hello, DEAD TO ME people I used to call my parents.  I'm not here for pleasantries or to un-disown you.  I'm only here to clear my father's name.  It has come to my attention that there is a recording which exonerates my father in Connie's murder.  Of course you would get rid of the recording, CARLY.   Where is it, Sonny?   Don't EVER PROMISE ME ANYTHING.  YOUR PROMISES MEAN NOTHING TO ME.   You two don't know the MEANING of the word love.   See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!   Hello Quartermaines.  Don't call me Michael Corinthos.  I don't answer to Corinthos anymore.  From here on out, I am Michael Quartermaine.

SONNY:  Michael.  You're here.  The recording?   You can have it.  That's a promise.  I'll have Shawn deliver it to you.  I love you, Michael.  Carly, you have to leave Michael alone.  He doesn't want anything to do with us anymore.

CARLY:  Michael!   My most favorite son!   Have you come to your senses and forgiven us yet?   There was a recording of Ava confessing to Connie's murder.  I got rid of my copy because it implicated Sonny.  Your father, Sonny.   I love you, Michael.   Sonny, I have to get out of here.   I have to talk to MI-I-ICHAEL!

ANNA:  You didn't get the memo, Obrecht?  I'm your shadow and I really want to arrest you now.   Why?  You aided and abetted Nina's kidnapping of Ava Jerome's baby.   Aren't you tired of the same old "What did you do with Faison?" song?   You know what happened to Faison, Liesl?   I am ready to tell you the truth.  I AM CESAR FAISON!   KISS ME, SCHATTZI!   KISS ME!   I'll find a way to put you behind bars, Obrecht.  Just you wait.   If you don't mind, I've got a baby to find.  (to Agent Sloane)  Who the hell are you?  

OBRECHT:  Vat trumped-up chahges aah you bringing up against me zis time?   Aiding and abetting?   All I did vas give Magda and my unstable niece an office to do zeir conspiring in.  I vas ze one who called you and told you vere Nina was.  It is not my fault ze police force vorks at a snail's pace.  So eizer arrest me or move on.    By ze way, vat did you do to my Cesaaah?   You aah disgusting, Anna Devane!   Go find ze baby and get out of my face!  (to Agent Sloane) Who aah you?  Aah you a patient?  Zen stop vasting my time.  You vant to bring down Anna Devane?  I am listening. 

AGENT SLOANE:   Dr. Westbourne, I need your help to bring justice for your father's death.  Will you help me take down Anna Devane?   I think you are making a big mistake.  If this was one of your friends who was killed by Devane, would you feel differently?   If you change your mind, here's my card.  (to Obrecht) Dr. Leisl Obrecht.  No, I do not need medical attention.  I'm as fit as a fiddle.  But we have a common cause.  Does the name Anna Devane ring a bell?   If it isn't Anna Devane herself...

BRITT:  As far as I'm concerned, if Anna killed Faison, she did the world a favor.   He was my father in name only.  What I remember of him, I would rather forget.  Sorry, but you're on your own.   I can't help you.   Nikolas, why do I all of the sudden feel bad for my crazy, demented father?   Is he alive?  Is he in pain?  Is he dead?  He never gave a damn about me, that's for sure.   Hey, Spence.   What's up?  

NIK:  Britt, whatever you decide, I support you.  I know what it's like to have demented family members.  My grandmother Helena, for example.  I think she's dead, but I'm hearing rumors that she's alive.  Spencer what's up?   Still pining over Emma?  I thought you and Corn Girl were an item now.

LARRY:  Jerry, listen up.  The hopeless drunk act is working.  The Q's are none the wiser.  My ex, Tracy threw in with the help and surrendered their shares!   We're going to be running ELQ before you know it.  Give Helena a kiss for me.  Ha ha ha!    Back to playing the souse.    Hello, Hobson.   Are you sure you're not a drag queen?   Well, if it isn't my darling wife and my charming son.   Neddy, what do you say we let your lovely mother run ELQ again?   It makes a lot more sense than some young son of a mobster running things, now, doesn't it?   Now where's the booze?  I'm thirsty.   Why hello, Michael Corinthos!

TRACY:  Hey Ned, what's a six-letter word for unhinged person who rants and raves?   Oh, here she comes waltzing into the room.  M-O-N-I-C-A!   So you got the memo that Sonny Corinthos offed AJ?   And here comes my lout of an ex-hubby.   I should run ELQ?  Maybe he's not such a lout after all.  Michael has no experience and he's running ELQ into the ground.

NED:  Well, it it isn't my long lost lush of a father.  Don't worry, pops!   I labeled all the doors.   From now on, if you wander into Aunt Monica's room at 2 a.m., it's nobody's fault but your own.  Michael is doing a fine job running ELQ.

SVELTE ALICE:  What a run!   Hey, old drunkard!  My name is not Hobson, it's Alice.  There was a Dobson, but he was a woman in drag.  Get lost in a bottle of gin, will ya?