Plea Bargain

Sonny falls on his sword to save Duke and Carly.   Shawn and Jordan finally tell TJ the truth (but is it the whole truth and nothing but the truth?), Ava's on the lam and she begs Silas to hide her, Michael can't stay away from Morgan, Kiki, and Sonny, and Sam gets creative with silly putty.

 DIANE:  Carly, can you keep the piehole sealed until I finish defending you?   Same with you, Sonny.   I will NOT have any courtroom shenanigans caused by mouthy clients.   Let ME be the one flapping my gums in court and MAYBE I can get you guys some bail.  Your honor, Mrs. Corinthos-Jacks is a local business owner and a mother of three...yes, two are grown men but the third is NINE YEARS OLD!  NO BAIL?  Surely you jest!   Sonny, what did I say about zipping it?  You need not talk to D.A. Baldwin!   Carly, it looks like your sweetheart sent himself up the river in exchange for YOUR freedom.   Ain't that sweet? 

 CARLY:  Ok, Diane.  I get it.  Not guilty.   No bail?  Who's going to watch JOSS?   My corn girl NEEDS ME!   Mom, I wish I never got involved with Franco and stayed away from Sonny.  You didn't get bail either, did you, Sonny?  At least we can keep each other company in P-ville.  What?  I'm going home?  You served your ass on a silver platter for me to go free?   But it's OUR MESS, Sonny!   I'm part of this too!   Oh, Sonny!   I'll MISS YOU!!! 

 SONNY:  Yes, I understand, Diane.   May I speak with Baldwin?   Here's the thing, Baldwin.   I offer myself, PEPPERONI AND ALL, to you in exchange for Carly's and Duke's freedom.   I know Duke and I had a little prison bromance going, but I decided that my pepperoni might be a little too spicy for a man of Duke's fine breeding.   I plead GUILTY!   Guess what, Carly!  You're going home to your corn girl and your Franco-free existence.   This is all on ME, Carly.   I was not going to drag you and Duke down with me. 

 SCOTT:  Hi Bobbie!   What's shaking?    OW, THAT HURT!   What makes you so slap-happy?   Still pissed at me for having Carly cuffed?   Serena, well that's different.   She didn't cover up a murder.   Yes, your honor, I would be okay with a low bail for Mrs. Jacks.   What's this about, Sonny?  Make it snappy, will ya?

 BOBBIE:    (slaps Scott):  This is for arresting MY DAUGHTER!   What if it were Serena?   Oh, because she's LUCY'S daughter?   So go be with Lucy, because we're FINISHED!   I'll watch the corn girl, Carly.   Don't blame yourself for what happened with Franco or Sonny.   You're my DAUGHTER!

 JORDAN:  TJ, we need to talk to you about how your father died.   Shawn was having an affair with me.  We're very sorry for what we did.  It was a long time ago and your dad was deployed in Haiti for a year.  I got lonely and turned to Shawn.  Just once.   I know this is a lot to take in, TJ.  We both love you very much.   TJ, don't go.  Let's talk about this some more.  

SHAWN:  TJ, your father didn't die by friendly fire.  It wasn't an accident.  He was attacking me and I shot him in self-defense.   He attacked me because he found out about the affair I was having with your mother.   Your mother turned to me for friendship and one thing led to another and we slept together.   It was a terrible thing to do to your father and we only did it once.   We were in Afghanistan during the raid and your father had a gun.  He wouldn't put it down so I had to defend myself.  I found out he died the next day.  Everyone assumed it was a friendly-fire related accident and I just let them believe that.  Remember this, TJ, your father was a hero who served his country.   We had wondered if we should have a DNA test done to see that your father was still your father and when I almost got killed, we decided to do it.   He was your father, TJ.  He saw me reading the results and that's when he attacked me.   We're telling you this because you deserve to know the truth.   We did the right thing, Jordan.   At least Tommy died knowing he was TJ's father. 

 TJ:  What is this all about?  I know how my dad died.  It was friendly fire, right?   It wasn't an accident?   YOU HAD AN AFFAIR?  HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM!   YOU WERE HIS BEST FRIEND!   If this was in self defense, why did you have to keep it a secret?   (TJ drops to his knees and cries)  So if all this happened before I was born, could Shawn be my father?  So because the DNA tests showed that I was not Shawn's son that makes everything okay?  Why are you telling me this now?    I would have kind of rather have not known.   Did you do this for yourselves?  To clear your consciences?   This is just--man this is just too much to take.  I've heard enough. 

 MICHAEL:  Dammit, Kiki, where is Ava?   I bet YOU helped her escape!   You STUPID DEAD-TO-ME PERSON!   Commissioner, Kiki knew her mother killed Connie and she helped Ava escape!   If it isn't another DEAD-TO-ME PERSON!   Morgan is riding in on his white horse to defend Kiki.  How cute.  Maybe HE helped Ava escape.  Morgan, WHERE'S AVA?   Did you stash her at the Brownstone again?   You are both stupid idiots!   You keep defending KIKI, Morgan.!    I'm gonna go see Sonny get sent to the Pen. 

 KIKI:  Michael, I didn't help my mother escape!  I'm just as pissed off at her about murdering Connie as you are.   She just found out I knew.  She told me to go find the baby.   My baby sister is still missing!   Michael, I swear I didn't help her.  Hi Morgan.   It's okay, I can handle Michael.   Michael, get your hands off Morgan!  STOP FIGHTING! 

 MORGAN:  Knock it off, Mikey!  Stop verbally abusing Kiki!   Just because you're pissed at us doesn't mean you can be so hateful.   I don't have Ava.  I didn't help her escape.   I led Dad--I mean, Sonny, right to her once I found out she killed Connie!   Ava's on her own.   Neither of us knows where she is!   Kiki, you need to keep fighting for Michael.  He'll cool off eventually.   He might have written Mom and Sonny off, but I don't think he's completely written us off yet.

 ANNA:  Where's Ava?   When was the last time you saw her?   Kiki, how long did you know that Ava killed Connie?   I'm going to issue an APB.   We've got all our officers searching for the baby.   Julian Jerome.  Where's your sister?  Where are you hiding her?   Did you know she killed Connie Falconeri to protect you?   Ms. Falconeri had found out that you were not Derek Wells and Ava killed her.   Surely she turned to you.  Well, if you won't tell me where you're stashing her, I'm just going to have to throw you in a holding cell until you're ready to talk. 

 JULIAN:  I don't know where Ava is.  I didn't know she was missing.  Last I heard she was in the hospital recuperating from childbirth.  Where IS that baby, Commish?  Why haven't you found her yet?  She's in the hands of a sociopath and a lunatic while you're in here holding me on trumped-up charges. 

 AVA:  Hide me, Silas!   Sonny's men are after me.  Once the kingpin falls, the other pins have to RUN FOR THEIR LIVES.  That's how the mob works.   I need you, Silas!   Will you please stash me until this whole thing blows over.   Can't trust the cops.  They can be bought off.   By the way, have you heard from the whackjob who kidnapped my baby?   Thanks, Silas!   I knew I could count on you.

SILAS:  Ava, what are you doing here?  Shouldn't you be at the hospital?   You still need medical attention.  I'm a doctor.  I would know.   Why can't you seek police protection if these mob guys are after you?   I don't have any guns to protect you with and I don't have my estranged unstable wife's skill with weaponizing household objects.    Ok, I'll do it because maybe I still sort of carry a torch for you...or was it Sam?   Who can keep up with all these women? 

LORD LARRY ASHTON:  Jerry, we have a problem.  Tracy is being blocked by her self-righteous young whippersnapper of a great-nephew so we can't infiltrate ELQ through her anymore.   I left all the money we need in a safe deposit box.   Hey, lad who isn't Jason, what are you doing here?   I told you I wasn't working for Jerry.  He stuffed me in a filthy sack, why would I work for him?   I already had my nightcap, young man.   Besides, I prefer to drink alone.  Go out the FRONT DOOR, will you?   That's what FRONT DOORS are for!  

PATRICK:  I knew he was working for Jerry.  Me, distract him?  How?   Hello, Mr.--I mean Lord Ashton.  Sorry about accusing you of working with Jerry Jacks.   I'm still trying to crack the case of who ran us off the road and killed my son so I'm a little paranoid.  Do you accept my apology, Lord Ashton?   Okay, hurry up Sam, howz 'bout we drink on it, sir?   What's your poison?  Gin?  Perfect.   Maybe we can play some gin rummy while we drink our gin.  You know what, never mind.  Gotta go, out through this gorgeous GARDEN! 

SAM:  I have an idea.  You stall him.  I get the key to the safe deposit box.  I don't know.  Be creative.   See ya.   No, I didn't get the key.  It might have tripped the alarm.  But I did manage to make an impression of the key and I did it all with SILLY PUTTY!