Thursday, January 15, 2015

And I Thought Nina Was Nuts!

Rosalie finds that working for Helena makes working for Nina look like the minor leagues.   Helena lies and tells Nikolas that she's working with Luke.  Luke-Alike bemoans his lack of trustworthy help.  Lulu gets pissed when she finds out Dante ordered Johnny to stay away from her.   Anna asks Jordan to stay undercover, but to keep the new commish out of the loop.   Sonny tries to run a mob war from Pentonville. 

 ROSALIE:  Hey Michael, why don't I go outside to look for secret passageways into the basement.   And make a phone call to my new boss.   So, Mrs. Cassadine, I got the job working for Michael and he wants me to go into this creepy basement at a house on Elm Street.   Whoa whoa whoa, lady, are you off your meds or something?  You're nuttier than my old boss Nina.  So the basement is a no-no.  Mind telling me why?   Or not.   Yeah, I know.  If I don't keep him out of the basement, you're gonna sing like a canary.   Say, Michael, about that basement.  Bad idea.   It's creepy and I'm scared of spiders and --OW--I just fake-sprained my ankle!   Thanks for being all sweet about it, but no doctor for me.   I'm taking up faith healing.  

HELENA:  Fear not, my darling grandson.  We will get our hands on ELQ in no time.  I have hired an insider to work with the naive, inexperienced child who now goes by Michael Quartermaine.   She came with excellent references.  Does the name Nina Clay strike a familiar chord with you?    Her mother and I go way back.   This insider I have hired is of questionable breeding, but she is accustomed to working for highly demanding clients who know her dirty little secret.   Miss Rosalie Martinez will be the key to our takeover of ELQ.   Rosalie, may I inquire as to how your assignment is proceeding?  KEEP MICHAEL OUT OF THE BASEMENT OR YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET IS THE FRONT PAGE STORY OF THAT PEDESTRIAN PORT CHARLES PRESS!    I'm sorry, darling Nikolas.  I must make an important phone call.   (to the Luke-Alike).  We have a problem with one Michael Quartermaine.   Now now, Mr. Luke-Alike, why so cross?   Nikolas, if you must know, I am working with Luke Spencer.   We have found a common purpose and I just received word from my contacts in the afterlife that Hell has just frozen over.   Mikkos has been keeping busy. 

NIKOLAS:  Grandmother, I'm going to need a name of your so-called "insider" at ELQ.  We are a team now, are we not?   Rosalie Martinez...have I heard of her before?   Didn't she work for that barking mad Nina Clay woman who stole a baby?   I'm sure she must be in your League of Loonies Mahjong group, or was that her mother?   So what sort of leverage do you hold over this Rosalie?   Oh, a dirty little secret.   I guess you've softened in your golden years, Grandmother.  Your typical leverage over your "employees" is their life.  By the way, who is this boss you were just speaking with?   Again, Grandmother, I need a  name.   Luke Spencer?  Now that's hilarious.  Luke can't stand you!   Give me one good reason he would work with you? 

MICHAEL:  Here we are, Rosalie.  This is my grandmother's childhood home and the site of the future AJ Quartermaine Memorial Clinic.   What says you?   Let's go check out the basement.   Check outside for another way in?  Good thinking.   No luck?  I couldn't find a key, but I'm an expert at picking locks with old shoehorns.   Watch and learn.  What?  Basements creep you out?   I've almost got it.   Rosalie, are you okay?   Yeah, next time you might want to wear more sensible shoes for prowling around creepy old houses that are to be re-purposed as waterfront clinics.  

LUKE-ALIKE:  Johnny-boy, you let me down.   Your goons couldn't get the drop on Jerome in the hoosegow and now I've got a liability with a giant mouth on him.   Since when does Corinthos have Jerome's back.   Are they involved in one of those sick, twisted prison bromances?   Why are my employees so disloyal and incompetent?   Why, why, WHYYYYYY?    Now you're begging for another chance to screw me over.   Hey cupcake!   I was just catching up with Johnny-boy here, telling him he needs to behave himself if he wants to keep company with my gorgeous daughter.   Gotta get that.   Husbandly duty.   Hello my darling.   Michael almost went into the BASEMENT???  DAMMIT!!!  CAN NO ONE DO THEIR JOB AROUND HERE?   I'll take care of it.   Sorry, cupcake.  I'm gonna need to take a raincheck on the Father-Daughter lunch.   The wife needs me.  

SONNY:  Shawn, we need to watch our backs, man.  Johnny Zacharra's gunning for us.  Us, being me and Julian Jerome.   I saved Jerome's ass so he would tell me who his boss is and you'll never believe this.  He's working for a guy who has LUKE SPENCER'S FACE, but he isn't Luke.  The guy must have Luke stashed away and that's the best case scenario.   My buddy could be dead.   Find out who this impostor is, Shawn and take him out.  For real this time.   No three-hour conversations while waving a gun in his face, you hear?   Jordan who?   Nah, leave her out of it.   I've learned the hard way that it's always risky to mix business with pleasure.  

SHAWN:  Hey, boss, want me to keep an eye on Johnny for you?   I heard he sent some of his men after Jerome and you stuck your neck out to save him.  What's up with that?   Since when do you put your life on the line for Julian Jerome?   He told you about his boss?  Dude have a name?   So a nameless guy walking around with Luke Spencer's face.   That's a lot of information to go on.   Hey, can Jordan help?   I think she might be a better assassin than I am.  Okay, no Jordan.  I'll tail the Non-Luke with one eye and keep the other eye on Johnny Z.  

ANNA:  Jordan, this is important.  Kyle Sloane is not to know you're working undercover.   I don't trust him as far as I can throw him and we both know I weigh 90 lbs soaking wet.  You need to stay undercover so we can rid Port Charles of the mob once and for all.  Corinthos and Jerome are behind bars, but the criminal element is still alive and well in this town and I think Sloane and Lomax might be in on this.  We are too close to give up now, Jordan.   I have assigned two of my most trusted detectives to protect you.  Detectives West and Falconeri are the best there is.   If I can't bring down organized crime from the inside, I will have to do it from the outside but I need your help.   Are you in? 

JORDAN:  Anna, I'm so done with being undercover.   This job has consumed my life and cost me my relationship with TJ.   If Agent Sloane doesn't know I'm undercover, how is he going to protect me?   How can I work for you when you are no longer police commissioner?   I am tired of having a target on my back, Anna.   Are you telling me that West and Falconeri will be working with you behind Sloane's back?  

SLOANE:  Detective West, Detective Falconeri, let's lay our cards on the table, shall we?  Where do your loyalties lie?  With me or with Anna Devane?   Very well, then.  Answer me this.  Who was Anna Devane's confidential informant?   I know you boys know and you're just not telling me.   WHO THE FRAGGIN' HELL IS THIS PERSON?   I plan on raising this department to among the finest in the state, if not the whole country.   Are you in or are you out?    Psst, Detective West.  Keep and eye on Falconeri.  Something about him I don't trust.  

NATHAN:  We're here, Commissioner.  Reporting for duty.  Damn straight we want to keep our jobs.  I have no problem reporting to you. (fingers crossed behind back).   Confidential informant?  Dante, do you know about Anna Devane having a C.I.?   Neither do I.  Excuse me.  Girlfriend calling.  Are you sure it's okay if I take this?   Yes, Anna, we lied through our teeth to Sloane.  My fingers were crossed behind my back the whole time.  What is it, Commissioner?   Yeah, sure, I'll babysit Dante for you. 

DANTE:   I don't have a problem with a regime change.  I was here when Mac Scorpio was in charge, I stayed on when Anna Devane took over, and now I'm ready to work for you, Commissioner Sloane.   You're asking the wrong guys, Commissioner.  Knowing the identity of the C.I.s was above our pay grade.  Anna Devane wasn't going to trust us lowly detectives with such sensitive information.  We didn't even know about Faison's hidey-hole.   (at the Haunted Star)  Lulu?  Johnny?   Color me PISSED OFF!!!

LULU:  Hi Daddy!  Hi Johnny.   Daddy, leave Johnny alone.  He's a friend of mine.   You know, he's just my really hot friend who just got out of jail for a crime he didn't commit.   Say hi to Tracy for me.   Johnny, are you saying you bought back the Haunted Star?   Wait, hold up, WHAT DID DANTE SAY?   He ORDERED you to stay away from me?   Who does he think I am?  ROCCO?   What makes him think he can ORDER anyone to stay away from me?  I am SO kicking him out of bed tonight.

JOHNNY:  Sorry, man.  How was I supposed to know Corinthos would throw in with Jerome?   As far as I knew, they hated each other's guts.   Give me another chance, boss man.   Give me another crack at Jerome.  Lulu!   Great to see ya!   Your dad was just giving me a hard time because I served hard time.   He doesn't want ex-cons hanging around his sweet little girl, even if said ex-cons are INNOCENT.   He ain't the only one who doesn't want me sharing air with ya.  Your hubby and his cop buddy paid a visit to me the other day and said "Welcome Back to the outside world.  Now stay the hell away from my wife."   Forget I said that, Lulu.  Me and my big fat yapper.  I just want us to hang out like the old times.  Don't look now, but the guy you're pissed at just walked onto this yacht. 

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