New Year's Wormhole Eve/Day Part III

2014 has come and gone and the Port Chuckleheads at the MetroCourt are getting ready to hit the sheets (Ric & Liz), pick fights (Anna & Agent Sloane), or play boozy, sexual-tension filled games of gin (Julian & Olivia).  Sam & Patrick plan to have some Happy New Year sex as well, but their kiddos have other ideas.  Back at Maxie and Nathan's apartment, the lovebirds do the deed together for the first time and there were hearts and candles and Nathan's six-pack and everything!  

MAXIE:  Happy New Year, Nathan!  I'm so happy to be here in your arms!  But I don't deserve you.  You're Mr. Wonderful and I am a relationship time bomb waiting to detonate.  Let's have sex anyway.   OMG, Nathan!   A heart on the bed!  And candles!   Take off your shirt already, it's time to do the horizontal tango!  

NATHAN:  Happy New Year, Maxie!   You are so wrong about not deserving me.  You're perfect just the way you are.  That's what I thought when we met a year ago when you were on your way to find yourself and that's what I think now.   By the way, your little girl is the most amazing bundle of Maxie Jones energy I have ever seen!   What do you say?   Let's ring in 2015 with a little sexy time!   Wait 'til you see what I did to your room and I didn't even need Dante & Lulu's help.  

RIC:  Panic room, schmanic room!  YOUR SON DOESN'T ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE!   BOOM!  Happy New Year, Carly.  See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!   Come on, Elizabeth, let's get a room.  Remember the last time we got a room and Anna Devane barged in and arrested me?   CRAP!   It's Anna AGAIN!   I swear I don't have any drugs on me!   Anna?  Wrong room?  Phew!  Well, that was hilariously awkward!   I'm glad she wasn't really after me.   Witness Protection was a real downer without you.   Now, where we?

LIZ:  Let's go, Ric.  It's generally not a good idea to antagonize Carly.  I would be happy to get a room with you.   See, I kept your watch so I'd have a little piece of you while you were fake dead, even thought I didn't know you were fake dead and thought it was for real.   Who's knocking?   Are you in trouble again, Ric?   It feels like deja vu all over again.   That was TOTALLY awkward!  But I'm glad you don't have any planted drugs stashed in the room just the same.  

CARLY:  Elizabeth, don't leave with him.  He might lock you in a panic room like he did to me.  He's bad news.   That was a LOW BLOW, Ric.  NO ONE MENTIONS MY GOLDEN SON'S NAME TO ME LIKE THAT!   Thanks for having my back, Jake.  I swear, you are Jason 2.0.   He was my bestest friend, but we screwed around for awhile before we started being friends.   Don't get the wrong idea.  Jason was SO not a player.  When he loved a woman, he loved her and only her.  But he always put me first and Sam got SO jealous.   Jake, since you're homeless and all, here's a room key.   It's on me until you get back on your feet.  

JAKE:  Nothing much to it, Carly, Sam just doesn't like me.   Maybe I remind her of someone she hates.  It's not like I held her hostage or anything.  Hey, Lansing, give it a rest.  If you want me to give him a smackdown like I did with Carlos, just say the word, Carly.   Man, that Jason Morgan got around!   What woman in this town HASN'T he slept with?   Oh, okay, so he's not a player.  You don't need to give me a free hotel room.  That's really nice of you and all, but...okay I'll take it until I remember who the hell I am.  Thanks, Carly. 

OLIVIA:  Remember, Julian, that kiss never happened.  Ned, in case you haven't noticed, you were busy with Alexis.  You don't get to say who I do or don't kiss at midnight on New Year's Day.   Anna, I think the agent guy's in room 203.  Uh oh, maybe it's 302, or 230 or 320.  Oops!   Julian, I wouldn't get a room with you if you were the last guy in Port Chuckles.  Or earth.  Or the whole universe.   Or...what the hell!  Let's do it.   Get a room I mean.  So we can play gin.  Not have sex.  Just play gin while drinking little bottles of booze from the minibar.   I win.  Again.  And again.  And again.  You really suck at gin, Julian.  Fine, I'll kiss you again, but only because we'll forget about it tomorrow morning because we're both plastered. 

JULIAN:  Let's forget for a moment that I also have a deceased sister named Olivia.  You know you loved that kiss.  I'm an amazing kisser.  Just ask Alexis.  By the way, Alexis, how can you be jealous when you don't want me in the first place?   So, Olivia Falconeri, let's get a room and get busy.   Come on, not even if I were the last guy on all known planets in the universe?   Nice room!   Is this the play gin while drinking little bottles of booze to put off having sex room?   Come on, Olivia, I'm not that bad at gin.  I'll win.  Eventually.  Or I'll just kiss you instead.  What's one more time?

ALEXIS:  Julian, what are you doing with Olivia?   Ned, let's go up to our room.  My brain needs bleaching.  You had feelings for Olivia and she has feelings for you?  Do you still have feelings for her?  Do I still have feelings for Julian?  No.  Yes.  No.  Let me just kiss you while I make up my mind. 

NED:  Olivia, what are you doing with Julian Jerome?   He's VERY VERY bad news!   Alexis, the thing with Olivia is that she has feelings for me.  She told me the other day.  Once upon a time, I had feelings for her, but that was before you came back into my life.  Alexis, are you ready to give us another go, or are you still hung up on Julian? 

SAM:  Spend the night with me, Patrick!  You're SO much more than just my adventure buddy now.  I want to have sex with you.  I already had dream sex with you in Amsterdam.   Yes, dream sex.  We can't go to my place because Molly and TJ are there and my 3-year old son could walk in on us.   Emma's at a sleepover?  Awesome!  Your place it is.   Well, it won't be tonight.  Danny's on an epic crying jag and Molly's in a state of panic.  I guess he's not quite ready for 2015.  Raincheck?  

PATRICK:  There's nothing I'd rather do than to spend the night with you, Sam, but are you sure you're ready for this?   We can come to my place.  Emma's at a sleepover so the coast is clear.  You had dream sex with me?  That's awesome!  How was I?   Crap!  My phone.   Emma wants to come home.  Josslyn made her watch Children of the Corn.  I guess we'll have to settle for a raincheck. 

ANNA:  Olivia, which room is Agent Sloane staying?   203, thanks.   Open up!  Police!  Ric?  Isn't this room--never mind, I was misinformed.   THAT was awkward.   (knocks on the door to room 302) Agent Sloane, Faison terrorized me and my family for decades!  I had to hide him in a hole because the Super Max couldn't hold him.   Robert and I did what we had to do and now that I have taken a walk on the wrong side of the law, my allure in Faison's eyes is no more.  He's no longer obsessed with me and I no longer have to look over my shoulder.   If you want someone to investigate, go after Faison, not me.   How dare you imply that I am here giving you a piece of my mind because of Duke and Lucy!   Sexist prick!  

SLOANE:  (to himself) I'm too sexy for this room.  Too sexy for this towel--Anna Devane, I knew you couldn't stay away, especially after that kiss!   You're still going down for what you did to Faison, by the way.   Look, I know Faison put you through hell, but it's still your fault that an international terrorist is on the loose.   By the way, I know why you came to this room to pick a fight with me.   You're trying to take your mind off of seeing Lavery with another woman.   Somebody's jealous!  

DUKE: Lucy, thank you for ringing in 2015 with me.  May we see a lot more of each other in the coming year. 

LUCY:  Dukey-poo, I should be thanking YOU for helping me get over Doc and Scott!   We will DEFINITELY be seeing more of each other this year.   Anna Devane, eat your heart out!