Another Wrinkle in Port Chuckles Time

 I'm so confused!   I know Ruby's death came before Lulu was SORAS'ed but seeing that the character probably in her late 20s now, saying that she is too young to remember Ruby, who died 16 years ago, doesn't make much sense in this context.   Also, the party at the Haunted Star was first mentioned on Friday and on today's show, the Port Chuckleheads are saying that the party is tonight?  Either time has been fast-forwarded again (a la Christmas to New Year's Eve) or it's one hell of an impromptu party.   Oh well, here goes: 

 KELLY'S 

  BOBBIE:  Dear Aunt Ruby died 16 years ago.  Lulu, you were too young to remember her because you weren't SORAS'ed yet, but I know you remember her Lucas. 
  LUCAS:  I remember heart-shaped pancakes.  Aunt Ruby was the best.  
  LULU:  Dang SORAS!   I would have loved to have been retconned enough to have remembered her. 
  BOBBIE:  She was a great lady and in her honor, I have arranged for the staff, who shall remain nameless, to whip up some heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast. 
  LUCAS:  Thanks, Mom.   Those bring back so many happy childhood memories. 
  LULU:  Where's Dad?  He said he'd be here. 
  BOBBIE:  Luke has really been off lately.   I'm worried about him.   Is he losing his mind or is this just a Fluke. 
  
  PENTONVILLE: 

   AVA:  Julian, Sonny's after me!   He sent one of the guards to my cell to kill me and if he didn't have to see about a disturbance in another cellblock, I would be DEAD right now, Julian.  
  JULIAN:  How do you know it's Sonny?  
  AVA:  Hello?  Who else has been trying to kill me since I murdered his girlfriend?   I gotta get out of here!  Besides, are are you and Sonny prison besties now?  
  JULIAN:  We kinda are actually.   You know the expression "The enemy of thine enemy is thy friend"?   My old boss, YOUR old boss is after all three of us.  You, me, and Sonny.   He looks like Luke Spencer but he's really this identical cousin of Luke's named Bill Eckert, or so our theory goes.   Yeah, I know the identical cousin thing is a stretch, but I think the guard's working for him.
 AVA:  So Luke and this Bill Eckert look just alike, but they're cousins?   That is bizarre.   It's like some old TV show or something.   Anyway, I know a way out of this joint.  It involves nutty Nina's mother and a transport van.   I'm gonna stow away tonight at 6:30. 
 JULIAN:  I'm coming with.  
 AVA:  I don't think so.  It's hard enough for one of us to escape, let alone two.  I've gotta get out of here to save my life.  
 JULIAN:  And you need your big brother to protect you from Big Bad Bill Eckert on the outside. 
 AVA:  Fine, you can come with. 
 GUARD:  Who is this?  takes off Ava's hood   You're coming with me!  
 AVA:  Help.  Me. 

 BASEMENT OF ELM STREET HOUSE

 FLUKE:  Guess what, Puke?   I actually decided to feed you.  
 LUKE:  ER KERNT ERT WERF DERS DERK TERP ERN MER MERF!
 FLUKE:  Fine, I'll take it off.  
 LUKE:  Are you ready to admit you're Bill Eckert now?   I mean, who the hell else can you be?  
 FLUKE:  Who cares?   The party tonight is going to be EXPLOSIVELY fun.  Yes, Puke, I planted a bomb on the Haunted Star and all your loved ones are going KABOOM!  
 LUKE:  Why?  Aren't they YOUR family too?
 FLUKE:  answering his phone  Hi cupcake.  Don't worry I'll meet you at the cemetery for the memorial.  Bye cupcake.  Gotta go remember dear Aunt Ruby.  I'll leave you to ponder my true identity, but first, a parting gift.  puts the duct tape back over Luke's mouth.  

 CEMETERY

 DANTE:  What's this?  Who's been robbing graves?
 JORDAN:  That would be me.
DANTE:  You? 
 JORDAN:  I was helping Shawn dig up the grave of the man your father thinks is impersonating Luke Spencer. 
 DANTE:  You mean the guy who was rescued by Alexis on Thanksgiving wasn't really Luke?
 JORDAN:  It doesn't seem that way.   It looks like this impostor Luke is in cahoots with Helena Cassadine.  They're hiding something in the basement of the house on Elm Street.
 DANTE:  Now I know he's a fake because the real Luke can't stand that elegant psychopath.  
 JORDAN:  What do you suppose they could be hiding? 
 DANTE:  I don't know, maybe my father-in-law.   See ya! 

  PENTONVILLE

  SONNY:  How was grave-digging?  Who's buried in Eckert's tomb? 
  SHAWN:  Nobody.  Coffin's empty, man. 
  SONNY:  Exactly what I was expecting.  Now this is just between you, me and Duke, right?
  SHAWN:  Well, someone else knows.   Jordan.  She caught me digging so I had to let her in the loop. 
  SONNY:  Son of a bitch, Shawn! 

  SHADYBROOK

 HEATHER:  Brought you a jelly doughnut, nuthouse daughter!
 NINA:  Thank you, Diana, I mean, nuthouse mommy!
 HEATHER:  Unlike some of the crazies here, I know the meaning of sharing.  
 NINA:  So do I.  I have something to share with you.  I wasn't talking to my lawyer.  I was talking to Franco.   I told him all about you, how you are my prison mommy and he was so happy I wasn't alone.
 HEATHER:  Next time he calls, I want to say hello.   Seeing that he's a famous artist and all. 
 NINA:  Sure thing.  
 GUARD:  It's your lawyer again, Mrs. Clay.  Make it quick. 
 NINA:  Is it you?  
 FRANCO:  It's me, Nina. 
 HEATHER:  Let me talk to him. 
 NINA:  My friend Diana wants to talk to you.  
 HEATHER:  Hello Franco. 
 FRANCO:  I know that voice.  It's my whackjob mother Heather Webber!
 HEATHER:  You betrayed me, Franco.  Now I'm going to get my revenge and crush your fragile little friend.   She thinks I'm her nuthouse mommy!  
 FRANCO:  Don't lay a hand on Nina, mother.  Put her back on. 
 NINA:  I want to talk to him. 
 GUARD:  Time's up!

 CEMETERY

 FLUKE:  See, I told you all I'd be here to honor dear old Aunt Ruby. 
 DANTE:  Say, Luke, since Ruby was your aunt, was she Bill Eckert's mother?
 FLUKE:  This is not the time for pondering my family tree, Dante. 
 BOBBIE:  Aunt Ruby was on our father's side.  Bill Eckert was from my mother's side. 
 LULU:  So, Dante, are you ready for the party tonight.
 DANTE:  The party you and JOHNNY are throwing?
 LULU: I thought you were okay with Johnny now? 
 BOBBIE:  Aunt Ruby, watch over us all until it's our time to join you. 
 FLUKE:  You can say that again. 

 PIER

 JORDAN:  Thomas, you know I was behind saving Ric Lansing's life.  Molly has her father back because I stopped Carlos from killing him.  I knew then that I couldn't work for the Jeromes anymore.   So I switched sides. 
 TJ:  So you and Shawn are on the same side now. 
 SHAWN:  Did I hear my name?
 JORDAN:  I was telling Thomas that you and I were working together.
 TJ:   I'm not so mad at you anymore, mom.