Is That Your Real Face?

Johnny was pinching Luke-Alike/Probably Bill Eckert's face like a ripe tomato.   Lulu's libido is cranked up to 15 between Johnny, Nathan, Jake, and, as an afterthought, Dante.   Sam, who hasn't mentioned Helena in, like, a decade, all of the sudden thinks she put Jake up to taking her (Sam) hostage and asks Nikolas about it.   Jake freaks when he sees Carly reading a newspaper article about Faison's escape.  Michael gets Ned to make some phone calls about the Eckerts and the property on Elm St.   Tracy is flummoxed by Luke-Alike's secrecy about his family.   Sonny's not buying Julian's confession. 

JOHNNY:  Newsflash, Falconeri & Friend:  I'm INN-O-CENT!   Why should I stay away from Lulu?   We go way back.  She knew me before she knew you.  Fine, I'll hang out with Maxie.   Whoa-oa-oa, buddy!  Jealous much?   Now either arrest me for throwin' back some shots with and old friend or get the hell out of my place!    So you're the Man of Mystery who looks just like Luke Spencer.   With real skin and everything!  How'd you pull that off?  

DANTE:  Hey Zacharra, stay the hell away from my wife, you hear?   No shots, no funny business, no strolls down memory lane.   You're bad news for Lulu and I don't want you anywhere near her. 

NATHAN:  That goes double for Maxie.  She's MY girlfriend.  If you're in as much as the same BUILDING as her-- 

LULU:  O to the MG!   You'll never BELIEVE who's out of prison.  JOHNNY FREAKIN' ZACHARRA!   I ran into him yesterday at this very restaurant and we talked about the old times, threw back some shots, felt some sparks fly...but Dante has NOTHING to worry about.  I love him and I love Rocco.   How was your SEXAPALOOZA with Nathan?   I got to see him in a towel on New Year's Eve and Dante didn't like it.  OMG, Maxie, don't look now but that bartender is a CUTIE PIE!  

MAXIE:  New Year's was the awesomesauce!  Nathan and catapulted scrambled eggs off of plates and had sex All. Over. The. Apartment.   Johnny's out of Pentonville?   Didn't he CONFESS?   Hold the phone, Lulu, are you still hot for Johnny?   SHOULD Dante be jealous?   Whoa, Lulu, whose bones do you NOT want to jump today?  

TRACY:   Hey Luke, Ned tells me you got all upset with Bobbie about Bill Eckert yesterday.   Since when is Bill Eckert such a sore subject for you?   You know I know about Patricia.   I can't talk about her either?  How about your parents?   Aren't you a grouch today.  

LUKE-ALIKE:  Damn that Julian Jerome, going to prison instead of being killed!   Look, Tracy, Eckert died because someone mistook him for me.  I feel guilty.  Can we change the subject?   No, don't want to talk about Patricia.  No, don't want to talk about my parents either.   My childhood sucked.  End of story.  I'm gonna go take a walk.   Alone.   Zacharra, stop pinching me like a tomato and tell me why the hell Jerome confessed to killing Anthony. 

JAKE:  Put me to work, Carly.  I'll do anything but shovel snow.   No, I'm not upset about that article.  Okay, I am upset about it because Sam thinks I'm the guy who held her hostage and helped Faison skip town.   All because I said the same thing to her as the guy did when he had her.   The weird thing is, I'm not entirely sure she's wrong.   I don't remember holding anyone hostage, but I don't remember NOT holding anyone hostage either. 

CARLY:  Okay, Jake, let's learn how to tend bar.  Dry martinis take only the tiniest splash of vermouth.   Don't let Elizabeth or Sam get you down.   Are you okay, Jake?   Come on, I know seeing me read this article made your face turn a sickening shade of green.   What's wrong?   Sam thinks you grabbed her because you said something the gunman also said?   That's hilarious!   What do you mean you're not sure you didn't take her hostage?   What's going on, Jake? 

SAM:  Hey, Cousin Nikolas.  I'm on a mission to find out who took me hostage and helped Faison escape.  You said that Spencer saw Britt leave.   Did he say anything to you about seeing some guy in a mask?   A black ski mask, just to clarify.   It was certainly not a Luke Spencer mask.  How about your grandmother.  Is Helena behind this?   Is Jake one of her goons?   I mean, he seemed like a nice guy until he took me at gunpoint.   Do you think Grandma Grim had anything to do with this?  

NIKOLAS:  Hey Sam.  Long time, no see.   No, Spencer didn't say anything about a man in a mask.  He was too freaked out by his great grandmother to notice.   Helena can't be ruled out as a possibility.   She and Faison go back a long way.   You think it's Jake, the guy staying with Elizabeth.  So Carly's babysitting him now...

MICHAEL:  Hey Ned, you know Bill Eckert's sister Jenny, right?  Weren't you married to her at one time?   I'm trying to track down the owner of that house on Elm as a location for the clinic.  Since you know Jenny and she doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, could you call her and see if she could tell you who actually owns the property since Eckert himself is supposedly dead?   That's weird that no one knows about the place.  

NED:  Sure, I can call Jenny for you.  I still have her number after how many years?   Sorry, Jenny doesn't know but she's going to ask her nephew Sly.   How's the Q life treating you, Michael?   Your great grandfather would be so proud of you, taking over the family business and all.   Looks like Sly doesn't know about the property either.