Going On A Dig

MAXIE'S BEDROOM

 MAXIE: Johnny's not that bad.  He's just ambitious but with a destructive streak. 
 NATHAN:  Should I be worried? 
 MAXIE:  Nah.  I never actually had sex with him.  He just kissed me once because he wanted to break up with Lulu. 
 NATHAN:   If you say so.  Has it been 20 minutes yet? 

 THE PIER

 SHAWN:  Sonny says we should dig up Eckert's grave to make sure he's really dead.
 DUKE:  Morbid, but I suppose we ought to cover our bases.  
 SHAWN:  We gotta know who our enemy is, so I'm gonna fetch a shovel, head over to the cemetary, and start digging.  Nobody follow me.  Hear that, Jordan?

 GENERAL HOSPITAL ER

 CARLY:  Is that a gun in your bag or are you happy to see me?
 JAKE:  What gun?  I don't know anything about a gun?   All I remember is a little Chinese figurine.
 CARLY:  And what's this?  A mask?   Maybe you took Sam hostage after all!
 JAKE:  That's not my mask.
 CARLY:  How did it get into your bag?  
  JAKE:  Dunno.  Somebody probably planted it there.  Who knows what enemies I had in my previous life.
  LIZ:  Jakey-poo, how are you feeling?  Do you need another blanket?   A bedtime story?  
  PATRICK:  We have to run some more tests.  Your brain's an enigma, man.

  GENERAL HOSPITAL NURSES' STATION

  PATRICK:  I'm starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Jake's a criminal.
  LIZ:  Did sex with Sam make you think that?  
  PATRICK:  The dude has blackouts and claims not to remember anything.  Without further testing, he's a masked hostage-taking gunman.
  LIZ:  No!  Not my Jakey!  

  KELLY'S

  SAM:  Hi mom.  Thanks for beating feet last night so Patrick and I could have the house to ourselves.
  ALEXIS:  How was it?   Was your food edible?   How was the sex?
  SAM:  Of course my food was edible and Patrick was WONDERFUL!  Weird thing happened, though.  My phoenix disappeared.
  ALEXIS:  Your what?
  SAM:  My phoenix figurine that Jason gave me for Christmas after we got married at a Chinese restaurant.  The dragon is there but the phoenix is missing.   I think someone stole it.
  ALEXIS:  Are you sure it wasn't Danny?
  SAM:  Why does everybody blame it on the 3-year-old?   The phoenix is my LAST PIECE OF JASON!
  ALEXIS:  I'm sorry.  I know how much this figurine means to you.  It'll turn up.
  SAM:  You're probably right.

  GENERAL HOSPITAL NURSES' STATION

   LUCAS:  Hi Michael.  How are things with the clinic?
   MICHAEL:  How about you come with me and we can discuss plans.
   CARLY:  Hi Lucas.  Hi Michael.
   MICHAEL:  Hello Carly.
   LUCAS:  Hi sis!   I finally took your advice and became a doctor.  Guess what?  Michael picked me to run his new clinic.  No clinic-running experience necessary.
   CARLY:  That's awesome!  Congratulations, Lucas.   I knew you could do this doctor thing.  Michael, why won't you acknowledge your own MOTHER?
   MICHAEL:  Lucas and I need to get going.  

  PHONE CONVO BETWEEN SONNY & FLUKE-ALIKE
 
  FLUKE-ALIKE:  Hey, Sonny.  What's your son up to lately.  You know, the one who won't acknowledge that you're his dad?   He'd better watch his back, that one.  
  SONNY:  You lay one hand on Michael and I'll...
  FLUKE-ALIKE:  You'll what?   What can YOU and your buddy Julian do from inside P-ville?  Absolutely NOTHING.
  SONNY:  Now listen, Bill Eckert...
  FLUKE-ALIKE:  What makes your think I'm Bill Eckert?  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he dead as a doornail?  Speaking of dead, that's what your son and Julian's son will be once I get my hands on them.
  SONNY:  Take my territory.  Take anything.  Just don't touch MY FAVORITE SON!
  FLUKE-ALIKE:  Sorry, Corinthos.  That offer has come and gone.  Buh-bye!

  CEMETERY

  SHAWN (at Bill Eckert's grave): Yoo hoo!  Anybody home?
  JORDAN:   Taking up a new hobby, Shawn?