Look who decided to practice medicine after all! Lucas The Intern will soon be RUNNING Michael's waterfront Nightmare on Elm Street Clinic! Yes, the guy who's been an intern for five minutes will soon be running a clinic. In other news, Rosalie now has health insurance! Julian doesn't trust Shawn as far as he can throw him! Sam can cook consumable food! Lulu wants to play with Johnny but Dante says no! Jake's lurking at the pier with his Soldier Boy Duffel Bag in tow! Helena & The Luke-Alike have a rendezvous at the House of Horrors and don't seem to notice Shawn lurking behind a door! But don't worry. Shawn won't shoot anyone. He doesn't know how.
MICHAEL: Hey Doc! LUCAS??? Since when do you practice medicine? So I have this assistant who sprained her ankle in the creepy Freddy Krueger house that will be turned into the AJ Quartermaine Clinic. By the way, Carly's not my mom anymore and Sonny's not my dad. Anyone who insists otherwise is DEAD TO ME. I don't want you to be DEAD TO ME so can we change the subject? Like do you want to run my clinic? Don't worry about the lack of experience. Back before I disowned them, I hired Morgan and Kiki to renovate the Brownstone. It's called a youth movement. Meet Rosalie. She's young, she's hot, her ankle hurts, and now she has health insurance on the QuartermaineCare plan.
ROSALIE: Michael, seriously, my ankle feels much better now. I don't need to see a doctor. Besides, it's not as if I have health insurance. Nina doesn't believe in COBRA. She thinks it's a kind of snake. I know I saw a mouse and I smelled something REALLY RIPE coming from the basement, which is why I'm glad you didn't go down there. You would have passed out from the fumes. X-ray? No thanks. Not a fan of radiation. Fine, I'll do it but my ankle is feeling so much better.
LUCAS: Michael! Guess who's a doctor now? Okay, an intern, but even Dr. Obrecht can't deny I've got da skillz! Yeah, I was getting tired of sitting around on my ass and not practicing medicine so I was like, "What the hell?" and applied for a job. So what's up. You feeling under the weather? Rosalie, your ankle isn't swollen, but I'm gonna have you get an X-ray just to make sure it's not, you know, broken and all. Hey Michael, you might want to reconsider your I Hate Carly stance. Same goes with Morgan. Okay, okay, agree to disagree. So you want me to work at your clinic? As a lowly intern? You want me to RUN IT? Awesome!
LUKE-ALIKE: Oh, the joys of being a Fluke. Spending my days on Elm Street, checking up on my noxious prisoner, rendezvous with well-dressed older women with a psychopathic streak...speak of the devil and I mean that literally. Why the excursion out to these parts? You know we're like Bruce Wayne and Batman: We can't be seen together. Whatsamatter? Grandson not falling in line? Minions behaving badly? If it's the latter, I can relate. How did you get in? Have you taken lock-picking lessons from the problematic Miss Samantha Morgan? Newsflash, Julian & Sonny are prison buddies! Wanna ditch this joint?
HELENA: Ugh! Close that door! The stench of Luke Spencer is more than I can bear! What's the matter, "Fluke"? Do you not trust me? Your paranoia is becoming somewhat tedious, but you must have your reasons. Would you care to enlighten me? You don't mean to tell me that Julian and Sonny are conspiring with each other over glasses of prison wine? That is preposterous! Besides, if Sonny and Julian sent an assassin after you, you would be dead right now and I would be enduring another stay at the Cassadine Cryogenic Spa. Come on, you know I'm right. Let's relocate our meeting, shall we?
SHAWN: That lock was easy enough to pick. Now, Shawn, remember how to shoot a gun. You pull the trigger when you see the guy you want to shoot and you don't start a long conversation with him--wait! Who's that old rich lady and what's she yabbering about? Did I hear the name Sonny? Good, they left. I'd hate to have to shoot an old lady. Now I got to get down into that basement.
SONNY: Jules, why the follow? Don't you got better things to do than stalk me? If you must know I was talking to Shawn. I sent him after the fake Luke. Don't be so paranoid, Jules! I trust Shawn. Sorta. Kinda. Maybe.
JULIAN: Sonny, my new best friend, who were you talking to? You can tell me. We're bros now, right? You sent Shawn after my LukeFace Boss? Are you on drugs? Now you've put a target on both our sons' backs. Once LukeFace sees Shawn, he'll know I spilled the beans and Lucas is as good as dead and so is Michael. Cuz you know he won't bother with the likes of Morgan, Dante, & Kristina. C'mon man! Shawn better be a master of disguise or our kids are screwed!
ALEXIS: I'm baaaaack! My clients settled. Talk about a waste of my time. Patrick is coming over? Don't mind me. I'll be up reading the latest Danielle Steel novel. Or just wandering around Port Chuckles trying not to think about my daughter having sex with her hot doctor boyfriend. I'm outta here.
SAM: Mom? You're back early. Yeah, I was kinda gonna have sex with Patrick tonight. I even COOKED! If he doesn't get food poisoning, it's going to be a helluva night. Patrick! Guess what? I cooked dinner. I just learned how to read a recipe today. Voila! Risotto! I'll take the first bite just to make sure it's safe. OMG, it's actually good. What a relief! Dig in! You like? So far, so good. No sickness or death yet. Yeah, I dropped the investigation into Jake (fingers crossed behind back). I have more important things to do, like have sex with you.
PATRICK: Hi Elizabeth. Got any big plans tonight? I'm going over to Sam's to have--dinner. Yeah, she's cooking me dinner. That should be interesting. Thanks for your concern, but she's moved on from her dead hubby. I think. Sam! I smell food that's not from Noodle Buddha! So you actually went through with the cooking thing. I can't wait to taste it. Well, whaddaya know. I'm not sick...yet. This food actually tastes good. Are you dropping the Jake investigation? Good. Wanna have sex now?
JAKE: Uhlizabeth. Didn't expect to see you here. The duffel bag? It's my soldier--it's for my Soldier Workout at that new boxing gym. Hey, thanks for the invite to dinner, but I'm gonna have to say no. I don't want Ric giving me any more lectures about staying away from his woman. Carly? We're just friends. Just between you and me, that woman talks waaaaay too much. But she's giving me a job and a room, so I can't complain. See you around. Okay, Jake. You're in Soldier Boy Mode now. Find Sam and kill her.
ELIZABETH: Hi Patrick! Hot date tonight? With Sam? Are you SURE about that? I totally don't think she's over Jason yet. But it's not my business. Like that's ever stopped me from meddling before. Have fun on your date. I'm gonna have mac 'n' cheese with the boys. Or boy. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how many kids I have anymore. Jake! What are you doing hanging around the pier like a homeless person. What's in that bag? Your entire life? Wanna come eat kiddie food with me and however many children I still have? Ric won't mind. He's out of town with Molly. Okay, but you're missing mac 'n' cheese night!
JOHNNY: Hey Dante, I didn't go looking for Lulu. She found me here. No fair calling me a criminal. I'm innocent, man! If I weren't, I'd still be cozing up to your old man in P-ville. So what else you got on me, Dante? Sonny Tampering in prison? Since I've been out, a full two minutes, I haven't committed any crimes. All I did was buy back my share of the Haunted Star.
LULU: Dante, how could you??? I'm your WIFE, not your daughter! How could you and Nathan order Johnny to stay away from me and not tell me that you ordered him to stay away from me? I'm a grown woman and if I want to hang out with Johnny, I'm gonna hang out with Johnny. He's not a criminal anymore. He didn't kill Anthony. He's my friend and my business partner. He owns half of this boat, Dante. What am I supposed to do? Kick him off his own property?
DANTE: You bet I told Johnny The Criminal to stay away from you, Lulu. He's bad news, sweetie pie. VERY BAD NEWS! I can't have you doing shots with mobsters, you hear? Or going into business with them. Now how about you sell your half of the Haunted Star back to him?
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