New Look, New Format

It's time to shake things up around here!   Readership is nowhere near where I'd like it to be and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result.  So, instead of recapping the day's episode from each character's point of view, which led to some very awkward one-sided conversations and a blog that was, quite frankly, growing stale and boring very quickly, I'm changing up the format.   Inspired by a hilarious year-in-review blog entry at Despair in The Afternoon, I am going to break the episode down into dialogues and scenes instead of going character-by-character.  

     At the Haunted Star:

       DANTE:  Sell the Haunted Star back to Johnny, Lulu.
       LULU:  No freakin' WAY!   It's my dad's boat and it's staying in the family!
       DANTE:  You're not working with a criminal, Lulu?  Why not?  BECAUSE I SAID SO! 
       JOHNNY:  Hey Dante, would it kill ya to let Lulu speak for herself?   Or are you a controlling JERK like your father?  
       DANTE:  Dem's fightin' words, Johnny! 
       JOHNNY:  Bring it! 
       LULU:   Don't you guys be fighting over little ol' me!  
      

     At the Pier

   FLUKE-ALIKE:  Of all the thorns in your side, why did you have to go and off a hot one?  
   HELENA:   Your sex drive is so tedious.  
   FLUKE-ALIKE:   So how come I don't know the name of the mysterious Soldier Boy?  
   HELENA:  If you must know, his name is Jake.  Or so HE thinks. 
   FLUKE-ALIKE:  Stupid name .
   HELENA:  Why so cross?  
   FLUKE-ALIKE:  Julian's still breathing.  
   HELENA:  What's taking Soldier Boy so long?   Why haven't I heard from him?  
   FLUKE-ALIKE:  Allow me to explain to you how a phone works.
   HELENA:  Jake, is Sam dead yet?

    SAM'S BEDROOM

   SAM:  Can't have sex yet.  Not with Jason watching.  I have to put his picture away.
   PATRICK:  If you say so.  
   SAM:   Okay, Jason's in the drawer.  Let's go at it. 
   PATRICK:   What says you?   Am I as good as my dream self? 
   SAM:  Way better!  Let's have more sex. 

  DOWNSTAIRS AT SAM'S
  
    JAKE:  Nice place.  Too bad I have to kill Sam on Helena's orders.  
    ROBIN:  Don't do it.  You'll regret it for the rest of your life. 
    JAKE:  Who are you and what the hell are you doing here? 
    ROBIN:  I'm a hallucination.  You're remembering stuff.  Don't kill Sam just because some crazy old lady told you to.
    JAKE:  But I'm her robot.  She programmed me to carry out her orders.  
   
 PHONE CONVO BETWEEN HELENA & JAKE: 

    JAKE:  No, Sam's not dead.  She's upstairs having sex, probably with Patrick. 
    HELENA:  Go figure.  Here's an idea.  Kill him too. 
    JAKE:  Say WHAT????  
    HELENA:  YOU'RE ACTIVE, SOLDIER BOY.  PREPARE TO KILL!!!! 
    JAKE:  Okay, whatever. 

  AT THE HOSPITAL: 
 
    CARLY:  Hey Elizabeth!  Seen Jake lately?  
    LIZ:  I just saw him on the pier and he was acting all weird, like not wanting to have dinner with me. 
    CARLY:  So just because he didn't want to be the third wheel with you & Ric, he's acting weird?  
    LIZ:  Ric's out of town, not like it's any of your business.  But Jake had this mysterious duffel bag.  He said he was at Sonny's gym and that you told him about it. 
    CARLY:  I did?  That's weird.  Maybe it was when I was talking his ear off about The Gospel of Jason and Sonny it slipped out.  
    LIZ:  He had a faraway look in his eyes.  
    CARLY:   When does he not have a faraway look in his eyes.   I'm worried about him. 
    LIZ:  Me too.

  AT PENTONVILLE:

    JULIAN:  Sonny, you may not care if Luke's evil twin goes after your kid, but I sure as hell don't want him going after Lucas again.
   SONNY:  Go bug someone else, Julian.  I hear Franco's free.
   JULIAN:  I'm serious, Sonny.  We need to stop this guy, like, yesterday.
   JOHNNY'S GOON:  Guess what, boys?   You may have killed a few of my men, but my supply of lackeys is limitless.  
   SONNY:  How about I just kill YOU this time.  Unless you give me a phone.  
   JULIAN:  I knew Helena was involved in this.   She hates Alexis so she could go after Alexis or Sam.  
   SONNY:  Shawn's got it under control.

  SONNY'S PHONE CONVO WITH SHAWN:

  SONNY:  Hey Shawn, you been tailing the fake Luke?  
  SHAWN:  Sure thing.  He and Helena Cassadine were plotting and scheming at Luke's childhood home on Elm Street. 
  SONNY:  Did they see you?
  SHAWN:  Nope, I ran and hid when she showed up.   But Michael just came by and he was pissed.
  SONNY:  Keep Michael away from this house!
  SHAWN:  Good luck with that.  He wants to make it into a clinic.
 
  AT THE ELM STREET HOUSE:

   MICHAEL:  Intruder!  Intruder!   What the hell are you doing here?  Did Sonny send you here to check on me?  
   SHAWN:  What are YOU doing here, Michael?   You don't own this house.  
   MICHAEL:  Not yet, but I'm GONNA.   Scram or I'll have you arrested for trespassing.  
   SHAWN:  How can you have me arrested for trespassing on a property that is not yours?
   MICHAEL:  Just get your mobular ass out of here, okay?   Dante, come over here now.  I want to report an intruder at a house I don't own.
    DANTE:  Michael, no can do.   Find another way to get back at Sonny.