There's Nothing Down There!

  Has Original Recipe Luke Spencer been moved by Helena's peeps?   How many essential nutrients are in the prison phone cord that Crypt Baby Avery found so delicious?   How fast can Shawn dig to China if he can excavate graves in 30 seconds flat?   Here's today's bloggery:

    PENTONVILLE

 AVA:  What are you doing to me?   Are you trying to kill me on Sonny's orders?
 GUARD:  Chill out, lady!  You have a visitor. 
 AVA:  Silas?  
 SILAS:  Don't look so thrilled to see me. 
 AVA:  Sorry, I'm just kinda surprised.  It's not like anyone's visiting me except for guards wanting to kill me.  
 SILAS:  I brought someone with me.   Avery wants to say hi!   Wait a minute, GUARDS WANTING TO KILL YOU?  
 AVA:  I know Sonny has some on his payroll and he's been gunning for me since I gave birth.  Hello beautiful Avery!  
 AVERY:  Me want phone.  Me want to talk to mommy!   Mmmmm, phone cord yummy! 
 SILAS:  You're not safe here, Ava.  You need to get transferred to another facility. 
 AVA:  I-way am-way anning-play o-tay eak-bray out-way of-way ere-hay.  Aurd-gay is-way istening-lay.
 SILAS:  Do what you have to do.  Just get out of this place before you're killed.  
 AVA:  Can I talk to Avery?
 SILAS:  Sure thing.
 AVA:  Hello sweet girl!
 AVERY:  Mommy!   Phone funny!   
 AVA:  I love you, sweetie!   


 CEMETERY

 FLUKE:  Dante, you're FINIIIIIIIISHED!  
 HELENA:  Your vibrato needs work.   I was once trained as an opera singer and I was so much more talented than Mikkos' dreadful paramour who spawned Natasha.  
 FLUKE:  We have a problem.   Someone desecrated this gravesite.   Who would do such a thing? 
 HELENA:  It was all in vain.  We both know that grave was empty.   Speaking of empty, I had my new friend Mayor Lomax condemn the house on Elm Street.   As for the basement, there's nothing down there.  I sent my auxiliary staff to take care of that matter.   You can thank me later. 
 FLUKE:  Congratulations.  You put a band-aid on a gaping wound.   Now to the matter of outfitting the Haunted Star with explosives. 
 HELENA:  That's where Soldier Boy comes in.  
 FLUKE:  About him.  Didn't he just NOT kill Sam Morgan and Dr. Drake?  The you I used to know would have had him flattened. 
 HELENA:  I will find out why he failed to carry out my orders.  His special skill set makes him too valuable to dispose of...yet. 
 FLUKE:  And you are repulsed by MY sex drive...

PENTONVILLE

 JULIAN:  So, did you send a guard to kill my sister? 
 SONNY:  It's no secret I want your girlfriend-murderer of a sister dead, but that attack wasn't on me. 
 JULIAN:  That's what I told her.  I'm going on the theory that it was Bill Eckert's doing.  She was supposed to...eliminate someone and she reneged.  Just like I did and that's why I'm in here, keeping my ass from being iced.  
 SONNY:  Shawn tells me that Eckert's grave is empty so our theory is looking to be pretty solid. 
 JULIAN:  I know a way out of here, but in involves throwing in with my girlfriend-killing sister. 
 SONNY:  It would betray Connie's memory. 
 JULIAN:  Hello, Sonny?   It will get us out of this joint so we can save our families.   Priorities, man!
 SONNY:  Fine, I gotta save Michael so he won't hate me anymore.  

KEVIN COLLINS' OFFICE

 CARLY:  I'm here for you Jake.  Kevin will give us some answers as to why you've been carrying around an assassin's kit in a duffel bag. 
 JAKE:  I'm not so sure I want to know what I've been doing while in some mysterious trance precipitated by an 80 year old female criminal mastermind.  
 CARLY:  Guess what else I found in your bag.  A mid-2000s era flip phone.  
 JAKE:  Maybe it's from my mysterious past.  Have I been MIA for 10 years?  
 CARLY:  Let's check it out.  No texts, no contacts, just a bunch of calls from unknown.   There's your past, my friend.  
 JAKE:  Where is this Dr. Collins anyway?   I'm beginning to think he's a figment of your imagination. 
 CARLY:  Let me to check on that for you.  You stay here and be a good boy. 
 JAKE:  Okay.  You do that.   Carly leaves.  Phone rings.  Whaddaya know?  This thing actually works.   Who the hell are you?   
 HELENA:  You know who I am.  You're ACTIVE. 
 JAKE:  Gotta go.  Well-dressed octogenarian boss calls.  
 CARLY:  Jake?  Jake? 

 HAUNTED STAR

 JOHNNY:  So how are thing with Dante?   Is he still pissed at me? 
 LULU:  Still pissed.   So you'd better be on your best behavior for the party tonight.  
 JOHNNY:  It figures.   Dude's got a serious jealous streak. 
 LULU:  He's my husband.   And you were totally enjoying watching us fight. 
 JOHNNY:  So not true!  I was not cool with watching him order you around. 
 LULU:  He was just concerned with me getting involved with an ex-con, exonerated or not. 
 JOHNNY:  You're a big girl now and you've got the panties to prove it.  
 LULU:  Don't let Dante know you know that.   Not unless you know the number of a good plastic surgeon. 

 ELM STREET HOUSE

 MICHAEL:  Dante, what are you doing here?  
 DANTE:  Following up on your restraining order, brother.   Checking for Shawn Butler calling cards. 
 MICHAEL:  Thanks man.  
 DANTE:  We need to check out that basement.  Shawn was hanging out there. 
 MICHAEL:  Good luck with that.  Don't have the basement key.   But I do have this here cane-shaped crowbar.  
 DANTE:  Let's give it a go.
 SLOANE:  Not so fast.  Boss is having this building CONDEMNED.  
 DANTE:   Oh REALLY!   Let me see that.   Who condemned this building?  
 SLOANE:  That's for me to know and YOU to find out.  I always loved that episode of the Brady Bunch.  "I've got a secret!  I've got a secret!"   BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
 MICHAEL:  You'll be hearing from my lawyer. 
 SLOANE:  Falconeri, coming with?
 DANTE:  After you.  Breaks into house once Sloane and Michael leave.  
 FLUKE:  We meet again, son-in-law.