R.I.P. Goliath The Gargoyle

      Things get slippery for Sam and Jake as they try to avoid being caught sneaking around Wyndemere.   Lulu lashes out at Dillon after he kisses her.   Jordan is fed up with the Dante and Valerie drama.  Kiki spins out of control at The Floating Rib.   A phone call kills the moment for Franco and Nina.  

        WYNDEMERE

          SAM:  Do you happen to have any parachutes on you?  We have to get the hell out of this place NOW! 
          JAKE:  Sorry, no chutes, but we can always walk sideways along ledges as if Escape from Wyndemere was some kind of video game.   This place looks like it belongs in one, that's for sure. 
          SAM:  It's worth a shot.  I'll go first. 
          GOLIATH THE GARGOYLE:  Watch the...AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!   
          SAM:  (slips) OW!  
          JAKE:  I got you, Sam.  WHEW, that was close.  
         
           HAYDEN & NIKOLAS:  What was THAT?   
           NIKOLAS:  You stay here.  I'm going to check it out.  

        
      HAUNTED STAR

            LULU:  What the HELL, Dillon?   That kiss was all kinds of WRONG!  I'm NOT in love with you.  
            DILLON:  Divorce Dante, Lulu!   He's no good for you.   He and Valerie...
            LULU:  Hello?   Behind the times much?  Dante kissing Valerie was SO three months ago!   We're WAY over that now.  
            DILLON:  But he...
            LULU:  No buts, Dillon!   I'm SO not divorcing my husband for you because he and I are like peas and carrots and THAT'S FINAL!  


       
        PCPD

        JORDAN:  What's wrong, Valerie?
        VALERIE:  Dante accused me of being PREGNANT!  
        JORDAN:  Well, are you? 
        VALERIE:  PFFFFFFFT!  NO!   I bought some fake Twizzlers and they turned into a PG test.  Next time I'll spring for the real ones. 
        JORDAN:  How DARE he accuse you of having his bun in your oven!  I'm going to go yell at him. 

     
       FRANCO, NINA & KIKI'S APARTMENT

        NINA:  This death apartment needs an extreme makeover to exorcise the ghost of Silas.  
        KIKI:  How DARE you try to erase my father from his own apartment. 
        NINA:  It's not his apartment anymore, Kiki.   I bought it from Babs.  I bought it, Kiki, and I'm going to make it scream NINA!  
        KIKI:  Gag me!  
        FRANCO:  Come on, ladies!   Let's sing Kumbaya and hug this out. 
        KIKI:  There will be NO hugging anything out.  The only thing that's out is ME!   I'm gonna go to the Floating Rib and get some more booze in me.  

        THE FLOATING RIB

        MORGAN:  Dammit, Ava, what are you doing here without Avery superglued to you?  
        AVA:  I have to earn a living, you know.   To support my child.
        MORGAN:  While running the Jerome mafia?   Puh-LEASE!  
        AVA:  Look, Morgan, I know you hate me with the fire of a thousand flaming suns, but can you make Kiki not hate me with the fire of a thousand flaming suns? 
        MORGAN:  PFFFFFT!   She hates ME with the fire of a thousand flaming suns too, remember? 

        KIKI:  Booze me!  
        MORGAN:  Hey Kiki, you think you might want to cut back a little?  
        KIKI:  SCREW YOU, Morgan!   Because you couldn't stop SCREWING my mother!  
        AVA:  Kiki....
        KIKI:  GO TO HELL, BITCH!  
        BARTENDER:  That's it.  You're cut off.  
        KIKI:  (throws shot glass)  NOBODY cuts Kiki Jerome off.  NOBODY!  (smashes vodka bottle)
        MORGAN:  Who does she think she is tossing barware?  My dad?  

      
        WYNDEMERE

        NIKOLAS:  It looks like ol' Goliath bit the dust.  Spencer will be devastated. 
        HAYDEN:  Who's Goliath?  Do I want to know? 
        NIKOLAS:  Spencer's favorite gargoyle.   Let's go downstairs and see if we can glue him back together before the kid notices that his Humpty Dumpty took a great fall.  
       
        SAM:  I can't walk.  I sprained my ankle trying to make my badass superhero escape. 
        JAKE:  No sweat.  I'll carry you like I'm the superhero. 
        SAM:  So glad Patrick won't see this. 

      
        DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT

       LULU:   UGH!  Dillon kissed me!  
       DANTE:  At least you're appropriately disgusted.  
       LULU:  You're so understanding, Dante.  That's why I love you soooooooooo much!   
       DANTE:  Don't give me too much credit.   I can be an ass on occasion.  
       LULU:  PFFFFFFFT!   You have made exactly ONE mistake and we're totally over that mistake of you kissing Valerie.  

      
       FRANCO & NINA & KIKI'S APARTMENT

       NINA:  Let's talk about sex, Franco.   What if I suck at it?  
       FRANCO:  You did have sex with Silas and Ric, didn't you?  
       NINA:  With Silas, yes.  Ric, I totally lied about all the sex we were having because I was pissed at you and wanted to make you jealous. 
       FRANCO:  Well, it kinda worked because I pretended to be swapping ABC gum with a nonexistent woman named Denise DiMuccio.   Let's just start with making out and take it from there. 

     
      PCPD

     JORDAN:  Dante, you assclown!   How DARE you get in Valerie's face about a pee stick ON COMPANY TIME!   I'm sick of this drama between the two of you.  This angst.  This is a police department, not a soap opera, you hear me?  
    DANTE:  I'm sorry, Commish.   I shouldn't let my infidelity angst get in the way of fighting crime in this city.  

   
    HAUNTED STAR

   VALERIE:  We should start an unrequited love support group, Dillon. 
    DILLON:  Tell me about it.   I kissed Lulu and she went running and screaming like Lucy after being kissed by Snoopy.  Tell me, Valerie, do I kiss like a beagle?  
    VALERIE:  More like a German Shepherd.  
    DILLON:  So I DO kiss like a dog!  
   VALERIE:  Kidding!   But hey, we might as well be lovesick puppies together. 
    DILLON:  I'm cool with that, as long as we lay off the dog imagery.   My ego's been through enough today.  


    FRANCO/NINA/ KIKI  APARTMENT

    NINA:  Okay, I'm ready for sex now
    FRANCO:  (cell phone rings)  Sorry, Nina.  It could be my fake daughter sending out an SOS
    MORGAN:  (over phone)  Franco, it's Morgan.  Kiki's been cuffed.  

   
    WYNDEMERE

     HAYDEN:  Can we hold off on Le Petit Mort tonight Nikolas?   Falling gargoyles kinda killed the mood.
     NIKOLAS:  Damn Goliath!