Ooh, Ooh, Can I Be Crazy Too?

The judge orders Nina to undergo psychiatric evaluation and Franco tries to get himself declared insane so he can keep Nina company.   Jordan tries to charm Julian into giving up Ric's location while Carrrrlos waits for the kill order from Johnny.  Just as Nathan convinces Maxie not to give up on seeing her daughter, Alexis tells her Judge Walters reversed his decision.   Sam lets Julian in, but tells him to keep his mobbing away from Danny.   Morgan learns he's not the adorable Bionic Baby Jamie's daddy.   

NINA:  Thank you, Alexis for representing me and Franco.  What?  You're NOT repping Franco?    OMG, my lawyer thinks I'm bonkers.   Oh well, I'll go anywhere as long as Franco comes with me.  The judge will believe he's cracked too, won't she?    What?   Franco's going to PRISON????   I have to go to the loony bin ALL BY MYSELF????   NOOOOOOO!!!!!!     THEY CAN'T SEPARATE US!!!!!!    WHO'S GONNA TELL THOSE MEN IN WHITE COATS NOT TO PUT ME IN A STRAITJACKET????   WHO'S GONNA SHARE MY PADDED CELL WITH ME????    I'M SO SKEEEEERED!!!!!

FRANCO:  Don't worry about a thing, Nina.  Every little thing is going to be alright.   Why?  Three little birds told me.   They were on our doorstep in Canada.   Who's this kiddie lawyer Alexis got to represent me?   Did his mom drive him over here?    Hey, Doogie Lawyer, the name's Franco.   Your honor, what the little lawyer is trying to say is that I'm off my rocker.   Just ask the voices in my head.  They'll all agree that the best thing for me is a trip to the cracker factory, right guys?    See, they agree with me.    STUPID TUMOR!   NOW YOU GOTTA GO GET ME SENT TO THE HOOSEGOW INSTEAD!    You'll be just fine, Nina.  My mother will be there to make sure no one messes with you.  

ALEXIS:   Me?  Represent you?  I don't think so, Franco.   I brought along a young colleague of mine whose daughter you haven't tormented to defend you instead.   My client pleads not guilty by reason of insanity.   She was in a 23-year coma, spent most of the year thinking it was 1991, was reunited with the mother who put her in said coma and caused the miscarriage of her child and things went downhill from there.   Nathan, good news.  Your sister's not going to prison, but she has to be committed for awhile to unscramble her brain after all that time in a coma.   Hold on.  Judge Walters is calling.   I'm just full of good news today.  Maxie, Judge Walters changed his mind and you can see Georgie.

YOUNG LAWYER:   Hey, Mr. Frank.  You shut up and listen to me.   No funny business in court today, you hear?   As long as you keep your trap shut, everything should work out the way it's supposed to, capiche?    See, you started flapping your gums and screwed it all up!

JUDGE:  I have no objection to Ms. Clay being sent for psychiatric evaluation.  It's clear that more than two decades in a coma turned her brain to mush.   As for Mr. Frank, no dice.   You used the "something's wrong with my head" defense already when your counsel provided a graphic display of your brain tumor in a jar.   This time, you just plain broke the law and you're going to Pentonville.  Merry Christmas.

JORDAN:  No, Anna, no sign of a paper trail that will lead us to Ric.  Shawn, why do you always show up when I'm talking to someone and I'd rather not have you hear?   No, I don't know where Ric is and I'm not arranging some steamy rendezvous with Carlos!   Fine, I'll help you find Ric but I still can't tell you I'm not a drug dealer.

SHAWN:  Jordan, what do you not want me to hear?   Going on a hot date with Jerome's thug?   Wanna help me find Ric?   Carlos, you have company!   Drop the gun!

JULIAN:  Hello, daughter of mine.  No, I'm not here to see your mother.  I came to check in on you after you were taken hostage.   The cops know who did it?   Yes, I am still in the mob, as much as I tried to leave it, but you know how it goes:  Once you go mob, you can never go back.  Weren't you married to a mobster at one point?   But I promise, no drugs and I won't discuss the mob with my 3 year old grandson.   Jordan, make it quick.  Grandson imminent and I promised my daughter no gangster talk around the little one.   Ric?   I don't have him.  Maybe you can retrace your steps to where you last saw him.   Really, they should strap a GPS to that guy.   Hey, Danny.  I hear you can answer me back now.   What's on your Christmas list, buddy?   Grandpa's got lots of cash, so if you want an iPad, just say the word.

DANNY:  Gampa, I can talk now!  I want a truck and another truck and another truck and an iPad! 

SAM:  Julian, I mean Dad, mom's not here.  Yeah, I got taken hostage, but I'm okay.  I know who did it, but the cops need more proof.   Something like that.   Anyway, you're in the mob so that's all the info I'm gonna give you.  Oh, and can you do me a favor and not mob around Danny?   When Jason died, I left the mob life behind.   I'll go get Danny.   Remember, toy trucks--okay, mob talk--not okay.  Someone wants to see his grandpa!   Mom and Molly have spoiled him rotten this Christmas.  

CARLOS:  Hey Ric, chill out.   I fed you, I walked you, I played fetch with you.   What else do you want me to do?  Sorry, can't do that, buddy.   Johnny, what's the word?   Will do, boss.   Ric, you're number's up.  Prepare to meet your maker.   Dammit, I knew that Jordan woman was up to no good.  She's thrown in with Sonny's #1 goon.

RIC:  Erm Herngry!  Er gerter per!   Lert mer ert erf her!  

MORGAN:  I heard the test results are in.  So am I the adorable little girl's daddy?  Crap!  I'm just her older brother.   I really wanted to be the dad, man.   I even got a "I have the world's coolest Daddy" onesie for her.   I guess it's all for the best, right mom?   Thanks, Silas, for running the test for me.  Oh man, Kiki, we both have the same little sister.  This doesn't make us related, does it?    Cool, because I kinda want to kiss you right now.

CARLY:  I'm so sorry, Morgan.  I know you wanted to be the baby's father and you would have been a great dad.   Silas, thanks again for your help.   To tell you the truth, I'm kinda relieved.  If that baby was Morgan's, that would have made me a grandmother.   So not ready for that yet.  But who's going to take care of her, with both of her parents locked up at Pentonville?   

KIKI:  Tough break, Morgan.   I know you would have been a great dad.   I don't think both of us being related to the baby makes us related to each other.  Oh, you can totally kiss me, Morgan.  It's your turn in the rotation anyway.

SILAS:   Just give me a few minutes with the DNA tests.  Just came out of surgery and all.   Okay, the tests say that the baby and Carly are not related, for whatever paternity tests are worth in this town these days.   Sorry, Morgan, you're not the baby's father.   I don't know, Carly.   I don't know who's gonna take care of , and name this baby.   That's the $64,000 question.

NATHAN:   Hey Maxie, I was just talking to...Dante.  Trying to do whatever I can to let you see your daughter for Christmas.  Hey, cheer up!  Wanna play Connect Four?   You're gonna be a great mother, Maxie.  Your move.  Alexis, how did it go with Nina?   Psychiatric evaluation?  Awesome!  Thanks, Alexis.   Maxie, Alexis is on the phone with Walters now.  Who knows, maybe his heart has grown three sizes?   Hey, check this out!  I set you up to win this round.  Four in a row, diagonally.  You won!   Now go meet Alexis at the courthouse.

MAXIE:  Who are you talking to?   Well, you are talking about me.  Thanks for talking to Dante, but it's not going to help much, seeing that Walters has it out for me.   At this rate, I won't be able to see my great-grandkids.   Real sneaky, Sis!   Haven't you seen a Connect Four ad?   Why do you keep looking at your phone?   Oh, well best of luck to your sister.   Wait, I thought Britt left town.  Oh, your sister-cousin.   Why is Alexis talking to Judge Walters?   More punishment?   How did you do that?   Did you use your Jedi mind tricks on that Connect Four board?   Okay, I'll go down to the courthouse.  JUDGE WALTERS CHANGED HIS MIND?   Nathan really is a Jedi!