Ze Miracle of Sanksgiving

The remains of Thanksgiving:  Britt walks in on her mutter kissing her fozzer.   A man who looks like Luke has some questions to answer as the Qs chow down on their pizza.   Baby Zyrtec has been recast with Baby Dimples and Franco is showing his fatherly side.  Kiki gives her pop and earful of truth about mom Ava.  Jordan demands to know who Julian is working for and Julian needs to beat feet before either the cops or Luke's doppelganger discover he freed someone who looks like Luke. 

 OBRECHT:  Cesaah!  Is it really you standing zere?   Vere have you been?   If you escaped Anna's heinous horse prison, vere have you been zis past year?   Vy didn't you tell me you're alive?   I mourned you, Cesaah!   So vat do you sink of "Your Anna" now zat she held you prisoner in zat horrible hole underneath ze stables?   Aah you still in love viss her or have you seen ze light?   I am ze voman who loves you, Cesaah and now you say you love me too!   KISS ME, CESAAAH!   O TANNENBAUM!   Britta, isn't it VUNDERBAR?  Your FOZZER IS ALIVE!   If you tell Nikolas zat your fozzer is here, I will tell him vat you did viss Spencer!   If I lose MY LOVE, you will LOSE YOURS TOO!    Do what you need to do Cesaah, but come back for me like you promised.   I love you, Cesaaah!   My heart is filled viss joy!   (puts Spencer's pilgrim hat on her head).  Now, I know what Sanksgiving is all about.  All zat turkey and orange potatoes and spaetzel is about giving sanks for vat you have and now I have my CESAAAAH!    Britta, remember just how easily I can ruin everysing viss you and Nikolas.  

 FAISON:  Yes, it is I, Liesl.   I escaped dat horse prison but yous see, I am a wanted man and not just by you.   Some people have de crazy idea dat I's an international terrorist.   Robert Scorpio and Anna had deir own idea of vigilante punishment, but I outsmarted dem, wit some help from my friends Jerry, Helena, Larry, and Luke Spencer Du Jour.   Along de way, I made an important discovery:  Anna was not worthy of my love.  Here I had dis woman who had her heart to give to me and dat woman is YOU, Liesl!   I was a fool to waste so much of my life chasing Anna when I could have had you.   Now how do you like de taste of my cigarillos?   Who is dis lovely young lady?  Oh, I have a daughter.  I keep forgetting about dat.  I must be going to take care of some business wit my assorted friends.  Helena might start getting jealous, you know.   I will be back for you, Liesl. 

 BRITT:  Oh. My. God.  Can't. Unsee.  Pass the brain bleach!   Mother, what are you doing?   This is NOT GOOD.  Daddy dearest he is not!  He is an international terrorist!   I'm going to get Nikolas.  Or maybe I won't get Nikolas but get his wild and woolly ass out of here!   Excuse me if I'm not in the mood to celebrate with the woman who is threatening to ruin my life.   Gotta go.  Yams are calling.  

 NINA:  Oh, Baby Zyrtec--wait a minute!   You look different.   You're not Original Recipe Baby Zyrtec!  But you're so pretty.  So so pretty!   No offense to Original Recipe.  She was a cutie pie, if she looked a little bit like Sonny, Jr.   What should I call you?   Dimples!   That works, Franco.   Yes, I know Silas is not the father.  But she is so adorable!   I KNOW I'm not her real mother.  Ava Jerome is.   Guess what?  I'M just a kidnapper.  Sonny and Ava are MURDERERS so I win!  What's my prize?  This beautiful baby girl!  I think the non-pharmaceutical name suits her.   I'll tell you what I think of your idea to drop this little princess off at a fire station.  That idea SUCKS, Franco.   Does "sucks" still mean what it did in the 90s?   If so than the idea TOTALLY SUCKS!   I deserve this baby, Franco.  I love this baby.  Besides, who is going to raise her if Sonny & Ava are both in prison for MURDER?   Ava got to have her baby with Silas so I am KEEPING this one.   That's how fairness works, Franco.   Morgan?  He's what, 15?   Carly?  I. Cant. Even.  See how I'm picking up on this 2014 slang?    WELL, if you don't want me and my EXCESS BAGGAGE, I'll take the baby and GET OUT OF HERE.   Oh crap!  She's crying.  Baby Dimples, I'm coming!   No, Franco, you're doing it wrong.   You're supposed to feed her in an upright position.  No, not THAT upright.   You're actually kind of good at this, Franco.   Even though we're not like, together, or anything, we can be a happy little family if you'll let me KEEP THE BABY!   

FRANCO:   Hey, Nina, I thought we went over this already.  She's NOT. YOUR. BABY.   There has to be a fire station around here we can drop Baby Dimples at and take things from there.  How does that sound?   It sucks?   What part sucks, Nina?  The part where we rid ourselves of the Mafia Baby and take off for parts even more unknown or the part where you're grateful for what I did for you.   I came back and got you, Nina.   I thought we were besties.   Who will look after her?  Hench-Nannies, of course.   Every good mob boss has some Nanny Goons on their payroll.   You know kidnapping is one rung before MURDER on the crime ladder, don't you, Nina?   Fine, take Dimples and run, but you won't get very far.   The ToddJulian times has people all over the place looking for a madwoman with your description carrying the Dimpled Don's pint-sized progeny.   If you leave, you're SCREWED!   Hey, Baby Dimples really is a cutie, isn't she?  I'm so glad you ditched that allergy medicine name and came around to my way of baby-naming.   Look, I'm feeding the bay-bay!   I think she sorta kinda likes me.   And SHE is not going to cheat on me with Sonny because he's either her dad or her grandpa and that's gross.  

PERSON WHO LOOKS LIKE LUKE:  I think I'll have a slice of pepperoni, thank you very much.   Damn, this sure is better than nuthouse cuisine.   So you like my duds?   I went Black Thursday shopping.   Some poor saps had to work on Thanksgiving all for the sake of corporate greed.   Ain't life grand?  You weren't expecting me to show up in an orange jumpsuit, were you?   Hey, cupcake!   I hear I have a grandson!   I promise I won't run over this one.   Son in law!  Always the cop.  You see, Dante, I was locked up at the Funny Farm all this time, being drugged out of my gourd.   The guy that was committing all those crimes and working with the Port Chuckles underworld was an impostor.  Hey, Tracy, it's not your fault.  My evil twin's a pretty decent actor--I'll give him that.   He had everybody fooled.   In fact, he paid me a visit at the asylum yesterday.   He dropped your name, Ashton.   He was all cocksure about pulling a fast one on Tracy by sending her the wrong husband.   Give your old man a hug, cupcake!  

TRACY:  Luke!  Where were you?   How the hell did Alexis get in touch with you?  WHAT?  YOU TOOK A SHOWER AND WENT SHOPPING!   DAMMIT, LUKE, I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU AND YOU JUST WANTED TO SMELL GOOD?   An impostor?   You mean to tell me I MARRIED A FAUX LUKE?   I think I'm gonna be sick and it's not because I mistakenly took a bite of the anchovy pizza.  

LULU:  Daddy?  Is that really you?   The impostor must have been the guy wearing the mask.   Sam and Patrick broke into your safe, Larry.  They found a picture of Faison and a computer drive that had the blueprints for a mask.  It must be a mask of you, Dad.   Larry is working for Jerry Jacks.   I'm just so glad you're safe, Daddy!  You have to meet Rocco!   You have a new grandson.  

ALEXIS:  I have someone who wants to say hi.   I just freed him from the Miscavige institute for the criminally insane.  He had been held there since January while some impostor was out living his life.  After I sprung him, he wanted to wash the crazy off of him and get some decent clothes so I took him shopping.  

NED:  So it wasn't you making lewd remarks to Kiki?   It was an impostor.   Father, why so skittish?   Did you have something to do with this?   Dammit!   I always knew my father was a little sketchy, but I never thought he'd be involved in something like this.  

DANTE:  Hold on, Spencer.  I have some questions to ask before you get your father-daughter reunion on with my wife.   There have been some rumors that you've been involved in organized crime, that you've been working for the Jeromes and Jerry Jacks.  Is this true?   How do I know you're telling the truth?   Mr. Ashton, what do you know about these high-tech disguises.  Are you in cahoots with Jerry Jacks?   Mr. Ashton?  

MORGAN:  Some Turkey Day.   I can't enjoy a Thanksgiving feast when I'm worrying my brains out over my sister or daughter.   Where the hell is that baby?   Where did that whackjob Nina and her partner in crime Freaky Franco take her?   Wait a minute.  Do you think Nina has been in touch with your dad?   

KIKI:  I'm worried about her too, Morgan.  She's my little sister.   Nina's nuts, but Franco has shown he can be a father.   He was fatherly to me when he thought I was his daughter.   I know he's done a lot of bad stuff lately, but I don't think he'd harm that baby.   Ok, I'll call my dad.   Dad?   Happy Thanksgiving!  There's still time to grab some turkey somewhere.   Have you heard from Nutty Nina yet?   No word on the baby?   How about my mother.  Have you heard from her?   You know she's on the run from the cops, don't you?   She's wanted for MURDER!   She killed Connie Falconeri.   Talk to you soon.  Love you.   No, he didn't know what my mother did, but now he does.  

SILAS:  Ava, where the hell did you go?   Did this art guy know where Franco was?   Hey, where's my phone?   Can you check your bag?  Maybe you grabbed it by mistake.   I'm not going to tell Sonny's men where you are, Ava.  Now may I make a call.   I'm calling our daughter.   Oh, look.  She called me.   Hello, Kiki.   How's your Thanksgiving?   Yeah, BLTs don't exactly scream Turkey Day.   No, I haven't heard anything from Nina.   Ava?   Ummmm,, no, I haven't heard from your mother (fingers crossed behind his back).  She WHAT?   Ava, you're not going anywhere 'til you 'fess up.  

AVA:  Don't worry, Silas.  I just stepped out to the gallery to see if anyone had heard from Franco.   Some of them know the guy, you know.   No, they hadn't heard.   Your phone?   How would I know where your phone is?   Why would it be in MY bag?   Ok, I'll look.   Well, whaddayaknow!  Here it is.  Are you going to call the cops?   You can't do that.   Sonny's men are after me and if one of the fuzz is on his payroll, I'm dead.   Who ARE you calling, Silas?   Don't answer that!   I have to go find that baby of mine.   See you, Silas!  

JORDAN:  Julian, you're not going ANYWHERE until you tell me who you're working for.   I am not moving all those drugs without knowing WHO is calling the shots.  Now quit pussyfooting around and tell me.   So it WAS Luke Spencer.  It wasn't?  It's complicated?   Come on, Julian!   That's the worst line since "My dog ate my homework".  What about Ava?   What are we going to do?  

JULIAN:  Ava?   Oh, it's you, Jordan.  What are you doing here?   My boss?   Remember when you thought you heard Luke Spencer on the other end of the line?   You weren't mistaken.  No, my boss isn't Luke Spencer.  It's complicated.   The man disguised his face, his voice, all to impersonate Luke.  The man I'm answering to is Luke Spencer's doppelganger.   That's my story and I'm sticking to it.   Now that I let Luke out of the loony bin, both the cops and my boss could be after me, so I have to skip town.