Friday, December 5, 2014

You Can't Quit Me

 Anna can't tear herself away from Faison.   Helena fills Jake in on his true identity and puts him to work.  Carrrrrrlos taunts Sonny in P-ville.  Britt laments to Liesl that Nik's suing her pants off.   Sam lets Patrick have it for keeping Jason-related secrets from her.   Sabrina reconnects with Michael, then Carrrrrlos.  Nikolas comes crawling back to Liz after tossing Britt out.  Luke-A-Like visits Original Recipe Luke in his new "home"

FAISON:  Should Is be flattered dat you can't tear yourself away from me, Anna?   Is just told dat lovely dark-haired lady dat her husband didn't die on de pier and den dey left.  Helena?   Wes had our fun times many years ago, controlling Lucky Spencer's mind.   Is hear she no longer among de living.  Shes was quite a lady dat Helena.  Mind control is what Is do best.  Is been doing it to yous for decades, Anna.   But now Is free of yous because yous lowered youself to abandon yous precious laws.   Yous no longer have de power yous thinks yous do, Anna.   Dat is why Is so nonchalantly waiting to be escorted out of dis interrogation room.  Is knows where Is really going. 

ANNA:  Okay, Cesar, out with it.  What did you say to Sam and Patrick?   Alright, then how about your connection with Helena Cassadine.   She's not as dead as you think, Cesar.  She's alive and lurking around this town terrorizing the likes of sweet Elizabeth Webber.   As I recall, you and Helena failed at contolling Lucky Sepncer's mind.   And you CERTAINLY don't control mine.   However, I still have quite the hold on yours.  You're obsessed with me, Cesar.   You never loved me.   There's a difference.   Let's go.  The sooner we get you to Steinmaur, the better.   Sam, I assure you that Faison will pay for his Crimes Against Jason. 

SAM:  Patrick!  Is my husband alive?   IS HE???  TELL ME, DAMMIT!   He's dead.  But he was pulled out of the water and rescued, then died later at Crichton Clark?   I don't believe this.   We were at Crichton Clark MONTHS AGO!  What does Robin have to do with any of this?   So Jason was ALIVE when he was taken to the clinic, but died while Robin was trying to save him.  Robin told you this and YOU DIDN'T TELL ME????   I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, PATRICK!   I TRUSTED YOU!  WE WERE ADVENTURE BUDDIES!!!!   I could have said goodbye to him.  I could have told him ONE MORE TIME that I loved him.   But I couldn't BECAUSE OF YOU!   Consider yourself FIRED as my adventure buddy.   Don't touch me!  Go Away!    (Sam is abducted by Jake/Jason in a mask). 

PATRICK:  Yes, Sam, Jason was alive when he was dragged out of the water and taken to Crichton Clark.  Robin tried to save him, but she couldn't.   He was already dead by the time we went to Crichton Clark.   I'm so sorry, Sam.  I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't risk Victor finding out.   Besides, you had already mourned Jason.  I didn't want you to lose him all over again.  I was trying to spare you some pain, Sam.   I know you're pissed at me and I don't blame you.  Can I take you home?   Alright, I'll leave, but I'm sorry. 

JAKE:  I know who you are, lady.   Uhlizabeth clued me in.  You're Helena Cassadine, tormenter extraordinaire of the Spencer family and all who love them.   Listen, Uhlizabeth is my friend.  She helped me heal and gave me a place to live, so if you hurt her, I won't be such a nice guy.   Me?  Why are you interested in me?   I'm flattered and you're a beautiful woman, but you're kinda like 80 years old.   It's a bit too much of a June-October thing for me?  Or was it April-November?  Yeah, well, what do you want with me if it's not that?  Again with this Jason Morgan dude.   Women of all ages are obsessed with him, I see.  I AM JASON MORGAN?   GET OUTTA HERE!   NO WAY!    Since when do I work for this Victor guy?   Who is he?   Oh, so now that he's kaput, you're the boss of me.   What did you do, hypnotize me?   Am I going to start quacking like a duck?   An assignment already.  Really getting down to business, are we?   Funny, I don't remember applying for this job.   (dresses in all black with a ski mask and abducts Sam from the police station)

 HELENA:  I apologize for not introducing myself on Thanksgiving Day.  I am--so your memory is starting to return, is it...Jake?   I was in the newspaper?   I must admit, I'm a regular feature of the Best Dressed Female Terrorist column and it goes without saying that I looked irresistible.   Few men can resist me.   Oh, Elizabeth no longer interests me.  Neither does my own grandson, for that matter, though I hear little Spencer is becoming quite the Cassadine.  I should pay him a visit and deliver him a new Faberge egg to replace the one that insipid little girl's father broke.   I am interested in YOU.   You have the skills I require, Mr. Morgan.  That's right.  YOU are Jason Morgan.   You were rescued on this very pier and taken to the State-of-the-Art Crichton Clark clinic where your friend Robin Scorpio Drake revived you.  She revived both of us, as a matter of fact.   You were programmed to always follow my instructions.   That's why you didn't shoot me at the clinic when I asked you not to.   I have GRAND PLANS for you, Mr. Morgan, DELICIOUS PLANS!   You are the newest member of my team.  I arranged this meeting with you later in the day on Thanksgiving, though you don't remember speaking with me.  I have an assignment for you which will put to use your fine abduction skill set.   If you should be unable to make our next rendezvous, forget you ever saw me.  Liesl, we meet again.  And who's your plus one?  

 ELIZABETH:  Nikolas?  What are you doing here?   You had to send Britt packing AGAIN?   Hate to say I told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO!   I knew I was right about that woman, but I guess you can be forgiven for giving her another chance.   By the way, did you know your psychotic grandmother was back among the living?   She's right here in the ToddJulian times.   She made a secret appearance on Thanksgiving.  I didn't see her, but the guy staying at my house did.  Yes, there's a new guy in my life. 

NIKOLAS:  Britt and I are over.  Again.  I found out she was behind Spencer's disappearance.   Why did I ever trust her again?   Go ahead, say it.  I know you are dying to say I TOLD YOU SO.   What?  My grandmother is ALIVE?   And she's back in town?   That woman must be part cat because she has nine lives.   No, I didn't see her at Wyndemere on Thanksgiving.   She came to see you?  Why did she come here?   No, I'm not jealous.  Just curious.   Whatever she's up to, it can't be any good.  

BRITT:  Mother, everything is NOT going to be alright with me.   Not only did Nikolas evict me, but he's suing me for child endangerment so I'm kinda screwed.  Um, newsflash, mother!   Faison has been captured and he's headed back to the Big House.  There will be no happy family vacation for us.  Helena Cassadine is arranging for him to escape?   As in Nikolas's deranged grandmother?  

LIESL OBRECHT:  I have a solution to your problem wit Nikolas.  You come viss me and your fozzer and we leave zis town behind.  Zere is nossing left for you in Port Charles vissout your prince.  Zat is vere you are wrong, Britta.  My dear friend Helena Cassadine is seeing to it zat your fozzer never sees ze inside of Shteinmaur again.  So will you come viss us?   Helena, zis is my daughter Britta.  She vill be joining us.  

CARRRRLOS:   Well if it isn't the guy who made me dig my own grave!   Remember that, Corinthos?   Not only that, you let me go to prison for a crime I DIDN'T COMMIT!   Well, I've got news for you, Sonny.  I'm a free man!   The only reason I confessed is to protect Sabrrrina.   Ava used my love for Sabrina to her advantage.   Just a heads up, watch out for, well, EVERYBODY.   You ain't such a popular guy in this joint.   Sabrrrrina!    I'm free!  

SONNY:  Rivera, what do you want?   Yeah, well I'd make you dig your own grave again if I had to, but you're in luck, because I'm in lockup for the foreseeable future.  Why the hell did you confess anyway, Rivera?   Ava threatened you?  You mean Sabrina Santiago?   Ava's been busy.  She also murdered Connie Falconeri.   Well, if it isn't Johnny Zacharra.  

SABRINA:  Michael, I'm glad I ran into you.  I wanted to apologize for what I said about Ava killing AJ.   I was wrong and I misled you.   Carrrrrrlos and his lawyer are working on his release.  Well, it looks like I'll be completely free to work at the waterfront clinic.  I got fired from GH for giving Ava Bad Bad Premature Labor Pills because I thought she killed Gabriel.   Don't do something you regret out of revenge.  Don't make the same mistake I did.   Carrrrrlos!  

MICHAEL:  Hi Sabrina.  What do you need to apologize for?   Yeah, Sonny did it.   He's DEAD-TO-ME now.   So is Carlos getting sprung?   Listen, Sabrina, are you still interested in working at the waterfront clinic?   Don't worry about your schedule at GH.  You can split time.  You got fired?  Why?  

LUKE-A-LIKE:  How do you like your new accommodations, Spencer?   Not too bad.  You've got a washer, drier, not like you'll be needing those.   But I was nice enough to give you a chair to sit on.   I've got everybody fooled now.  I walk like you.  I talk like you.  I act like you.  What was that name you called Tracy?  Spunky?  Spiky?   Hey look.   No mask here?   It could be plastic surgery.  Or, I could have been genetically modified.  Some friends of mine--you may remember their names--Cesar Faison and Helena Cassadine are involved in some pretty scientific stuff.   By the way, Helena is HOT for me!   Or, make that YOU.   HA HA HA!   Who am I?   That's for me to know and you to noodle around and figure out.  Gotta go.   Here's some fresh duct tape.  Enjoy! 

LUKE:  Let me outta here, you bastard!   Who the hell are you anyway?   Ashton?  Faison?   Helena cross-masking?   Or is there no mask at all?   Did you get a little nip nip tuck tuck?   What is it going to take for you to let me the hell outta here so I can live my life?  

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