Family Reunion

  Bobbie is reunited--at gunpoint by Luke--with big sis Patricia while Dante takes care of a likely concussed Valerie, who keeps passing out.   Nina and Franco blackmail Olivia into putting them up in a luxury suite with champagne and chocolates.   Anna and Jordan are forced to let Sloane in on their plan to trap Duke.   Duke and his associate pontificate what to do about Jordan.  Carly reminds Jake that he's on the hook with Sloane. 

   METROCOURT

  FRANCO:  Hello, fellow LSD victim of my mother.  Hows about booking my goddess and me a luxury suite with champagne? 
  NINA:  And chocolates.  I love chocolates.
  OLIVIA:  Who let you two loons out of the nuthouse?   There is no way in HELL I'm going to SELL you a luxury suite, let alone COMP you one.   Keep on trippin', Freako.
  FRANCO:  I guess you don't mind if I let Julian Jerome in on his baby-daddy situation.
  OLIVIA:  Like anyone would believe you, you whackjob!  
  FRANCO:  The only person who I have to convince is the mafioso himself.   Hey, psssssst, Julian!
  JULIAN:  Do you mind?  I'm on a date here.
  FRANCO:  Just thought you wanted to know something. 
  OLIVIA:  Hey, you two, you'd better hurry up to your suite before the bubbly ain't so bubbly anymore.
  JULIAN:  What was it you wanted to say?
  FRANCO:  Oh yeah, sorry about Ava. 


   VALERIE'S APARTMENT

   VALERIE:  I have to save my mother from your psycho father! (passes out)
    DANTE:  Valerie, look, you can't stand up straight.  The only place you'll be headed is an ambulance. 
    VALERIE:  He's going to put a bullet in her to shut her up!  (passes out again)
    DANTE:  I'll take care of my cracked father-in-law.  You need medical attention.  Concussion and all. 
    LULU:  I will take care of my own father, thank you very much.  Valerie, you stay here with Dante.  If anyone can reach my very sick father, it's me.
  DANTE:   Like hell you will.  Your dad's dangerous and he's not in his right mind.  He'll plug you in a heartbeat. 
   LULU:  Dante, you be a good hubby and make sure Valerie gets to the hospital.  I"m going to Oak Hill to be The Luke Whisperer.

    OAK HILL CONVALESCENT HOME

   LUKE:  If it isn't my simpering sis and my wacky wife.   Which one of you should I pop off first?
   TRACY:  We're here to help you, Luke.
   BOBBIE:  Is Patricia behind that curtain? 
   LUKE:  Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.   Maybe you won't live to see her.
   TRACY:  Come on, Luke.  I know your sister's back there. 
   BOBBIE:  We did a google search.   Then we used a GPS and found her in this very room. 
   LUKE:  Well aren't you special?   You wanna see Pat?   Here she is!   (Luke opens the curtain and Patricia is gagged in a hospital bed ) 
   PATRICA:  Terk ders erf mer, Lerk!  Ers dert Berber?
   LUKE:  You don't want me to, I don't know, KILL our big sis, do you, Barbara Jean? 
   BOBBIE:  Luke, you wouldn't kill our sister! 
   LULU:  OMG, Dad!   Put that gun down!  Is that Aunt Patricia?   How dare you gag a bedridden woman!
   LUKE:  Welcome to the party, Lesley Lu.  Now why don't you ladies all huddle together so I can get a good shot, and I don't mean with a camera.
 
   ANNA'S ROOM

   SLOANE:  Hey there AGENT Ashford!  But don't blame Anna, here.  Your old boss BOB was the one who outed you.
   ANNA:  'Fraid so.
   JORDAN:  So what do we do now? 
   ANNA:  We have no choice.  We have to let Sloane in on Operation Bust Duke. 
   SLOANE:  So, Jordan, spill your guts.  What did ol' Kiltface try to pull?
   JORDAN:  Do I have to?
   ANNA:  'Fraid so. 
   JORDAN:  Fine.  I tried to get Duke to admit he wants to off Julian and he gave me the scores to some British cricket match and the plots to every episode of season 5 of Downton Abbey. 
   ANNA:  So much for outfitting her with a wire. 
   JORDAN:  And if Duke's onto me, I'm screwed.  As in dead. 
   ANNA:  Maybe Duke didn't notice.  Keep at it, Jordan.  Keep doing whatever you have to do to ensure Duke's trust.
 
   GYM

   DUKE:  What do we do about Jordan?
   DUKE'S GOON:  Um, let's ask the boss.
   DUKE:  That would be me.   Sonny has to stay out of this so the judge won't see the mob on his face.
   GOON:  Oh yeah, that thing with the baby.
   DUKE:  That could take awhile, so I'm the boss.
   GOON:  Fine, so are you gonna off the Fed or not?
   DUKE:  She cannot be allowed to testify against me. That leaves me two choices:  Kill her or marry her. 
   GOON:  What a conundrum...

   KELLY'S

   CARLY:  I'm still not buying that Hayden's your wife.
   JAKE:  But Uhlizabeth saw my brain scans in Hayden's hubby's medical file.
   CARLY:  Yeah, that's a tough nut to crack.   Still, this chick has to be a fake because I think she's a fake and I'm always right.
   JAKE:  But what if she really is my wife?   Shouldn't I, like, go with her back to this Beechers Corners? 
   CARLY:  Remember that greasehead Sloane?   You're supposed to do some fake mobbing for him to bring down Julian Jerome.
   JAKE:  Yeah, that.  Well, Hayden will just have to stick around Port Chuckles until I manage to throw Jerome under the bus.   I thought you hated me working for the mob.
   CARLY:  Still do, but we both know you have no choice.  Unless you want me to get Diane to argue your case.
   JAKE:  And if she loses, I'm in Pumpkinville for the rest of my life.
   CARLY:  That would be Pentonville.  Diane's the best, but I respect your choice because I'm the friend you can't get rid of.
   SLOANE:  Ready for work, Jake?   You'd better be.  The sooner you help us bust Jerome, the sooner you get yourself off the hook.   Got it?
   JAKE:  Well, there's this thing with my possibly fake wife...
   SLOANE:  Life's hard, kid.  Wear a helmet.

   METROCOURT

   OLIVIA:  Okay you two wackadoos.  You have your suite for the night. 
   FRANCO:  With champagne?
   NINA:  And chocolates?
   FRANCO:  How about a standing reservation?   Nina and I just might get comfortable. 
   OLIVIA:  Take advantage much?   How the hell am I going to explain all this to Carly?
   FRANCO:  Here's your chance.