The Minion Of My Enemy...

  Sonny is not impressed by Kotex Jake and issues a warning to him after he learns Jake is working for Julian.  Nathan calls Anna out on putting Jordan's life in danger to get back at Duke.  Duke tells Jordan to kill Julian, or else.  Carly trades zingers with Ric at the MetroCourt.   Liz and Patrick and Sam and Julian talk about--who else?--Jake.  Sabrina and Carlos talk, but, thankfully, no mention of Jake. 

  CARLY'S HOUSE
 
   SONNY:  So, Kotex-Headed Ex-Cassadine RoboGoon, what are you doing sniffing around my woman?
   JAKE:  By "Your Woman" you mean Carly, right?   All these women lusting after me--it isn't easy to keep track of them all, even with the Kotex LadyTracker Device on my head.   I'm getting so many mixed messages the device is sending me error messages.   I was better off with the Rich Old Lady Chip in my head.   At least the estrogen levels were lower. 
   SONNY:   Can't help you there, man, but I have to admit I'm a little jealous.  It used to be that all the women in this town couldn't get enough of ME!   I'm not ready to pass that torch yet.
   JAKE:  By the way, I got a new job.  I'm working for one Julian Jerome. 
   SONNY:  You're DEAD TO ME, Kotex Boy!   Julian may have been my prison wife, but he's back to being my WORST ENEMY and the minion of my enemy is also my enemy. 
    JAKE:  Dude, relax!  I'm just going to clean up the bloodstains and scrub some toilets. 
    SONNY:  That's what they all say.   Just watch your back because you just may have to die. 
    CARLY:  What the????    

   HOSPITAL

   PATRICK:  What do you women find so irresistible about this Jake dude?  Seriously, I put a maxi pad shaped bandage on his head for a reason and it seriously failed in its mission to freak his harem out.  As a matter of fact, I think it backfired.
   LIZ:  But the maxi pad makes him more sympathetic to us ladies, like he knows what we go through each month. 
   PATRICK:  Why didn't I think of that?   I should have given him a tarantula-shaped bandage instead. 
   LIZ:  But I would see through that tarantula.  Jake is a troubled soul who needs fixing and I love a good fixer-upper. 
  PATRICK:  So I've heard. 

   METROCOURT

  RIC:  Need.  Liquour.  Now.
  CARLY:  Do I smell a Ric? 
  RIC:  Carly.  Always a pleasure.  NOT!   Vodka me.  NOW!
  CARLY:  What's got your unmentionables tied in a knot? 
  RIC:  Jake "Da Fake" Doe.   I mean, you know that can't be his real name.
  CARLY:  Great, another person who's drinking the Jake Haterade.
  RIC:  He cost me my Elizabeth.   She broke up with me over a guy who doesn't even know his own name.   Have I lost my touch?   Never mind.  Wrong person to ask.
  CARLY:  If Elizabeth finally found a brain and dumped your ass, good for her.
  RIC:  Now she's moved on to the object of your lust, Mr. No Name who tried to blow up a boat.  You've always been a woman of taste, Carly.
  CARLY:  If you must know, Mr. Panic Room, I'm not into Jake that way.  We're just friends.  With an occasional benefit or two.  I love Sonny now.
  RIC:  You've never been able to love just one man, Carly, and you know it.

  ANNA'S ROOM

  ANNA:  Nathan, do you happen to know who Sloane's mole is?
  NATHAN:  Hell if I know.  The dude hates our guts and doesn't tell us anything because he suspects we're still loyal to you.   He's right, of course.
  ANNA:  Jordan suspects that Duke and Sonny are onto her. 
  NATHAN:  So, pull her off the case.  It's not worth risking her life to get back at Duke for going mobular on you.
  ANNA:  You're right.  I've changed into a vengeful woman who would put someone's life on the line for the sake of my vendetta.  OMG, I have become Liesl Obrecht!   No offense, Nathan.
  NATHAN:  None taken.  I know what my mother is capable of.   So how are we going to save Jordan from Sonny & Duke? 
  ANNA:  Good question. 

  KELLY'S

  DUKE:  Jordan, kill Julian Jerome.
  JORDAN:  Say WHAAAAAAAT? 
  DUKE:  You heard me.  Julian is the enemy and he needs to be eliminated.  Will you do it?
  JORDAN:  Why the hell do you want ME to off the guy.  Isn't Shawn the designated heavy for this organization. 
  DUKE:  Shawn can't shoot straight, but that's beside the point.  You worked for the Jeromes and you must know the best way to take him out.
  JORDAN:  This is a test.   I know Shawn sold me out to you and Sonny and you're trying to prove I'm not a cop. 
   DUKE: Kill Julian or else.
   JORDAN:  Fine. 

   OUTSIDE KELLY'S

    CARLOS:  Sabrrrrrrrina, querida, how's things?
    SABRINA:  Carrrrrrrrrlos, I'm so glad you made bail.  What are you doing here?
    CARLOS:  Spying for Julian.  
    SABRINA:  But you killed his sister!  
    CARLOS:  Bygones!  That's the way it goes in the mob business, querida.   Are you okay with testifying at my trial?   You can throw me under the bus, no hard feelings.   I just don't want to get you in trouble. 
     SABRINA:  That is very nice of you, Carrrrrrrlos, but I don't want to send you to jail either.   Gotta go to work.   I got a job as a nanny of the baby I sorta tried to kill but then changed my mind because you told me she ran me off the road and killed Gabriel.   Ironic, isn't it? 
     

   JULIAN'S APARTMENT

  SAM:  So you'll hire Jake as your minion?
  JULIAN:  You're my daughter and I just can't jeopardize our tenuous family connection by saying no to a former Cassadine goon who tried to kill you but took your phoenix thingy instead.  Smart move on his part.  Be careful with the guy, by the way.   His goon experience can backfire on you.
   SAM:  I'm not dating the guy.  He's just a friend.  Patrick's my main squeeze now.  You can't possibly have a problem with me dating a brain surgeon, can you? 
   JULIAN:  Can't argue with that one.   I'd take a brain surgeon for my daughter over a mobster-in-training any day.  It's a no-brainer.  Pun intended.
   SAM:  I'll always miss Jason.  Even though he would have hated your guts because you were a rival mobster to Sonny.   Thanks again, Dad. 

    ANNA'S ROOM

  JORDAN:  Huge problem.  Duke told me to kill Julian Jerome.