Revolving Door

 Is Jakeson Dorgan the most popular patient EVER at GH?   He has THREE women obsessed with him and a greasy police commissioner wanting him to be his undercover snitch.  In the Big Apple, Delia has her bar decked out for Ava's memorial service, which we knew Ava would crash, even though she could barely get out of her hospital bed.   In court, Alexis tries to talk Michael out of continuing, but fails and Michael pulls off a judge switcheroo mid-hearing to boot.  

 
  RYAN'S BAR 

  DELIA:  Is Morgan coming to the memorial?
  KIKI:  He's coming.  So is my uncle Julian, Mom's half-brother. 
  DELIA:  How about Silas? 
  KIKI:  If he can tear himself away from his Mystery Patient. 

 
  SECRET GREEN RECOVERY ROOM

  AVA:  Silas, you are the absolute best Silas that I know.   Thank you for saving my life and not sending me back to Pentonville.   Can we at least tell Kiki I'm not dead?
 SILAS:  I hate lying to our kid, but if we tell her, we get her in the same crapload of trouble we're in if anyone finds out about this Secret Green Recovery Room.   Cell phone rings  I've gotta take this. 

  HOSPITAL

 JAKESON:  Well, come on in Carly.  You're the next contestant on Jake's Wheel O' Women!  
 CARLY:  So I overheard you talking to the cops.  What's up?
JAKESON:  I'm asking the questions here, Ma'am.  I'm the host of the show.  
 CARLY:  Yeah, so can I choose What Does Sloane Want From You for 1,000,?
JAKESON:  Here's the clue, and remember to phrase your answer in the form of a question:  The Police Commissioner will free Jake Doe from charges as long as he does this.
  CARLY:  What the hell are you talking about?  
 JAKESON:  That is incorrect.   The correct answer is What is working undercover for the Jerome Organization?   Pick again.  Remember, vowels cost $250.  

  KELLY'S

  MORGAN:  Hey Dad, can I borrow the little sister for a day?   I promise to return her washed, filled up, and without a scratch.   Ava's memorial service is today in NYC and Avery needs to say goodbye to her mom. 
 SONNY:  I don't know about this, Morgan.  It's not like she'll know what's going on and, well, you know I hated Ava's guts for murdering Connie. 
 MORGAN:  Please, Dad!   Pretty please with a cherry on top?   It's for Kiki.  She could have sued you for custody too but unlike a stupid brother who shall remain nameless, decided not to. 
 SONNY:  Okay, but don't let her stay up late watching reruns of Tales from The Crypt. 


  COURTHOUSE

  RIC:  I kicked your ass on the stand today, Michael, so my advice is to fold your tent and concede Avery to Sonny.  
 ALEXIS:  I object to you badgering my client, Ric.   If you're bored, go get some herbal tea and solve the sudoku puzzle in today's Port Chuckles Press.  
 MICHAEL:  I have no intention of giving up my quest to stick it to Sonny...oh and keep Avery safe from stray bullets too.  

 SECRET GREEN RECOVERY ROOM

  SILAS:  It's Kiki. 
  AVA:  Put her on speaker!   I'll be as quiet as a mouse. 
  SILAS:  Fine.  Kiki, where are you?  
  KIKI:  I'm at Mom's memorial service.  Can you come or do you have to stay with your Top Secret Patient?
  SILAS:  I am in New York and isn't the service in Port Chuckles?
  KIKI:  No, change of venue, courtesy of my grandmother.   It's at Ryan's bar.  Can you come.  It would mean a lot to mom. 
  AVA:  to herself Yes, it would mean a whole lot to mom if you showed up so I can sneak out of here and crash my own funeral, Tom Sawyer-style. 
 SILAS:  I'll be there.  


 COURTHOUSE

  JULIAN:  Hey, Sonny.  So are we friends now, enemies, or are we going to settle for frenemies? 
  SONNY:  That depends.  Are you getting your ducks in a row for a takeover of this town?
  JULIAN:  Yeah, kinda.   We owned this place before you took over.  
  SONNY:   That's cute.  I've owned it for the past 20 years and I'll own it for the next 20. 

  RYAN'S BAR

   KIKI:  Avery!   You've gotten SO BIG!   OMG, Morgan, thanks for bringing her!  
   SILAS:  Hi Kiki!   Avery's here? 
   KIKI:  Um, hello!  Didn't you get my text? 
   SILAS:  Dang it!  Never let top secret patients play with your phone! 
   AVA:  outside  Nice turnout!  And there's my little girl, just a window away!  

   COURTHOUSE

   ALEXIS:  Michael, as your lawyer, I advise you to quit while you still have the chance to salvage a relationship with your family.  If you continue, you can kiss your parents goodbye and deprive your little sister of her family.   That and you have a 99.9% chance of losing this and if you lose, I lose. 
   MICHAEL:   I WON'T BACK DOWN!  And I scrapped the judge from yesterday.  Monica called in some favors.