If The Ring Fits...

      Google 101, taught by Damien Spinelli.   Curriculum includes how to spot a fake wife and how to find long-lost family members.   Ric finds a fake pre-accident Jake and sets up a photo shoot for fake lovey-dovey pix of Jake and Hayden, married couple.  He also furnishes a fake wedding ring.   Meanwhile, Sam knocks over her wedding ring canister during wild sex with Patrick and remembers Jake saying "There was only one ring" before going in for his Kotex Microchipectomy surgery.    Alexis testifies that Nina was faking crazy before her previous hearing.  Spinelli's pushiness puts Maxie off.  Carly goes Alpha Female on Liz and drags her to the MetroCourt to spy on Jake and Hayden. 

    METROCOURT

  RIC:  Good morning, Hayden!   Here's your proof.  I hired a Fake Jake for the photo shoot.   This is Jake before the plastic surgery.    Fake Jake, put on this here fake wedding ring for the fake pictures.
 HAYDEN:  You have all your fake bases covered...except for the internet.  Have you planted fake hits on Google for "Hayden and Jacob Barnes"? 
 RIC:  I knew I forgot something.   Oh well, it's not like Elizabeth knows how to turn on a computer.   I've never even seen her text. 
HAYDEN:  If you say so. 

   SAM'S BEDROOM

SAM:  Oh look!  Franco and Nina are in court today and could be set free to live among the rest of society.   Even though my mom's defending Nina, I hope she loses.
PATRICK:  That's the spirit.   So are you moving in with me or what?
SAM:  Jeez, Patrick, pressure much?  
PATRICK:  How else am I going to wake up to your boobs--I mean FACE--every morning?
SAM:  Let's just have more sex.

   LIZ'S HOUSE

  CARLY:  So, are you and Jake hitting the sheets yet?
  LIZ:  Mind your own business much, Carly?   Turns out Jake has a wife.
  CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAT????
  LIZ:  Her name is Hayden Barnes and his name is Jacob Barnes.
  CARLY:  NO!   His last name is DOE, dammit!   Like a female deer in the headlights that needs fixing.   If this Hayden person is his wife, where has she been for the last FIVE FRIGGIN' MONTHS? 
  LIZ:  She says they had a fight and she thought he left her.   News apparently travels very slowly in Beechers Corners.   She just now found out about the Haunted Star bombing.
 CARLY:  Come ON Elizabeth!   This has Helena written all over it.   We have to go to the MetroCourt and stop this con woman-slash-Helena plant and rescue Jake.
 LIZ:  And I'm going along with you because...
 CARLY:  Because YOU want Jake back, right?   You're coming with me if I have to carry your 90 lb ass on my back. 

  METROCOURT

  RIC:  So, all the proof is in your hands.  Good luck.
  JAKE:  Knock Knock.  Hayden, it's Jake. 
  HAYDEN:  Uh oh!   He's early.  DO SOMETHING! 
  RIC:  Distract him and I'll hide.
  HAYDEN:  Hi Jake, honey.  I was just doing my makeup.  How do I look?
  JAKE:  You look nice.  So, where's the proof that you're my wife? 
  HAYDEN:  It's on the balcony. 
  JAKE:  The balcony?
  HAYDEN:  Come on, Jake.  Let's go see the beautiful view.
  JAKE:  We're on the balcony.  Where's the proof?
  HAYDEN:  Dang it!  It was in the room all along.  Here it is.
  JAKE:  Marriage license, social security card, health insurance...and the pictures?
  HAYDEN:  This is us on our wedding day. 
  JAKE:  Where's my wedding ring? 
  HAYDEN:  You threw it at me when we had our fight and I kept it.   If it fits, you are indeed my hubby. 
  JAKE:  It fits.
  HAYDEN:  Kiss me, Jake!

  KELLY'S

 MOLLY:  Hi Dad!  Mind if TJ joins us?
 RIC:  Not at all.  How's my favorite daughter?
 MOLLY:  That depends.  How did you do with your online dating?
 RIC:  I went out on a date.
 MOLLY:  That's awesome!  How did it go?
 RIC:  She was married.
 MOLLY:  Bummer!   I'm so sorry Dad.
 RIC:  It's not your fault.   These things happen.
 TJ:  So what did you do when you found out your date was married?
 RIC:  Oh, I just asked to see the proof.  Kidding!   I just left.
 MOLLY:  Keep at it.  You'll find someone.
 RIC:  I'm sure I will.  You've helped me more than you'll ever know, Molly.

 OUTSIDE KELLY'S

 SPINELLI:  Maximista!   It is most enchanting to see you and our young offspring.
 MAXIE:  Is this your idea of giving me space, Spinelli?   I'm still pissed at you for challenging Nathan to a duel with me as the prize.
 SPINELLI:  Speaking of the muscular detective, I take it he is no longer in the running for your affections?
 MAXIE:  You take it wrong.  Nathan and I haven't broken up.  We haven't not broken up either.
 SPINELLI:  Were my eyes deceiving me or did I not witness him bowing out?
 MAXIE:  Don't you get it, Spinelli?  It's not a contest and I'm not a giant stuffed panda!
 SPINELLI:  Deepest apologies, Maxie.  I have erred and I shall repent.
 MAXIE:  Can you repent somewhere else?  I need to take Georgie home.

COURTHOUSE

   NINA:  JAY!   I'm always happy to see you!   Something's wrong.
   NATHAN:  Nothing's wrong Nina.
   NINA:  I know when something's wrong with my little brother and something is definitely wrong.  Tell your big sissy all about it.
   NATHAN:  Things are complicated between Maxie and me.
   NINA:  Did Maxie break up with you because of that guy Spiconi?
   NATHAN:  It's Spinelli and he's part of the problem, but there's more to it than that.  Never mind my problems.  You need to stay sane for this hearing.
 
  SAM'S BEDROOM

   SAM:  That was some sex!
   PATRICK:  You can say that again!
   SAM:  Uh oh!  I knocked over the canister with my wedding ring in it.   OMG, that's what Jake was saying before his brain surgery!
   PATRICK:  Jake was talking about knocking over canisters?
   SAM:  No, he said "There was only one ring"
   PATRICK:  What's that supposed to mean?
 
  COURTHOUSE

    FRANCO:  You told Alexis that you were faking your crazy?  Why did you tell her that?
    NINA:  She cornered me and I didn't know what to say.
    FRANCO:  That's okay.  I told my dad I was faking.
    NINA:  But your dad's the D.A.
    FRANCO:  Yeah, but he's also my dad.

    NATHAN:  I gotta go.  Sloane called some emergency meeting.   Good luck, sis.
    NINA:  Thank you for coming, Jay.
    ALEXIS:  It's showtime, Nina.  You know what you need to do.

    JUDGE:  If Nina went off her rocker last time she had a hearing, how am I supposed to rule that she has recovered.
    ALEXIS:  It turns out that Nina is also an actress.  She was...acting.

  KELLY'S

RIC: You look familiar...
FAKE JAKE/PETE:  Dude, you owe me.  Buy me lunch