Now With Blonder Blondes!

     Is it just me or did both Maxie and Lulu have even blonder hair today?    Kiki threw more insults in Sabrina's direction as she and Morgan did more plotting and scheming against Michael.   Are they trying to send Avery to foster care?   They're not looking like any more fit parents than Sonny or Michael.  Anna grills Olivia on Duke, as if Olivia was Duke's social secretary.   Rosalie reports to Nikolas (you know, since Helena's...off the grid...at the moment).  

      KELLY'S

       MORGAN:  So, Kiki, how are we going to get Micheal wasted?  Should we use Rosalie?
       KIKI:  Um, like, NO WAY!  OMG, here comes PSYCHOBRINA.   Hey, PSYCHOBRINA, step away from my BABY SISTAH! 
      SABRINA:  Look, Kiki, I made a mistake because I thought your mother killed my baby.   I won't do it again and I'm trying to make it up to AJ by being the best doggone nanny I can be!  
       KIKI:  Like, I totally believe you now.  NOT! 
       SABRINA:  I'm outta here.  Surely there's a Starbucks around here.  
       KIKI:  First, hand over the baby.  
       MORGAN:  Dial it down a notch, Kiki.  If we terrorize the nanny, Mikey will use that against us. 
       KIKI:  Fine, leave, but I still hate you. 
       MORGAN:  Back to our plan. 
       KIKI:  Are you sure this is going to work?   
       MORGAN:  Have a better idea?  
       KIKI:  Not really.  All I can think about is Sabrina's medicine switcharoo that could have killed Avery. 
       MORGAN:  How 'bout we switch Michael's aspirin with something that will make him get drunk faster?  

        ELQ

    ROSALIE:  (on phone) Talk to you later.  
    MICHAEL:  Talk to who? 
    ROSALIE:  The people who can give us 4G on Mars.   It's about time ELQ looked beyond our home planet. 
    MICHAEL:  What were you doing here last night?   Burning the midnight oil with Martian tech support? 
    ROSALIE:  Good one, but I completely forgot why I was here at 3 am.   Sometimes I sleepwork.  
    TRACY:  Michael.  Office.  Now. 
    ROSALIE:  Don't mind me.   I just work here.   And make top secret phone calls. 
    MICHAEL:  What is it, Tracy?   What's so urgent? 
    TRACY:  Someone's trying to take over ELQ and I smell Cassadine all over this. 
    ROSALIE: (listening in) CRAP!  

       METROCOURT

     ANNA:  Olivia, what do you know about Duke Lavery?  
     OLIVIA:  What, am I his social secretary?   I know the guy likes his tea.  
     ANNA:  But does he squirrel his dirty mob money away in the tea box?
     OLIVIA:  If he does, he's banned from this place for life.   We don't launder money here.   Why the questions?  
      ANNA:  I'm trying to nail Duke on mobbing charges and send him to prison. 
      OLIVIA:  Must have been some lover's quarrel.  
      ANNA:  Believe me, I don't want to have to tell Emma that Uncle Duke is mobbed up to his eyeballs and I have to send him to the clink.   But he chose to work for Sonny, so he knew what he was getting himself into. 

       SHRINERS' HOSPITAL

    SPENCER:  What's this I hear about Cameron staring the fire that disfigured my face?  
    NIKOLAS:  It was an accident, Spencer.   He didn't mean to knock a swag bag into the candle, but swag bags are highly flammable.  
     SPENCER:  That stupid townie ruined my life!   You need to get him sent to prison for the rest of his life. 
     NIKOLAS:  Accident, Spencer, remember?   He didn't do this on purpose.   
     SPENCER:  Ha!   He wanted me out of the picture so HE could be with Emma. 
     EMMA:  I don't think so, Spencer.   He was just trying to grab a swag bag.  
     SPENCER:  He's a pyromaniac.   I think I'm going to sue.   Or maybe I'll tell Great Grandmother about what he did and she'll put a curse on him.  
     NIKOLAS (phone rings)  I've got to get that.  Keep Helena out of this, Spencer.  

     NIKOLAS (On phone with Rosalie):  Rosalie, what's up?  
     ROSALIE:  HUGE problem.  Michael and Tracy are onto us.  
     NIKOLAS:  They can trace those shares back to me?   I don't think so.  
     ROSALIE:   They suspect something.  
     NIKOLAS:  Well, keep me posted. 
     ROSALIE:  Sure, Boss.  You are my boss now, right?  I haven't heard from your grandmother in, like, forever.   She's not like dead or anything?
     NIKOLAS:  Not dead.  I just sent her on a little island vacation.  

     LIZ'S HOUSE

   LIZ:  OMG, Jake, Cameron started the fire that burned Spencer.  I have a little pyromaniac for a son. 
   JAKE:  He didn't set it on purpose, did he?  If not, then pyromaniac might be an exaggeration. 
   LIZ:  This isn't his first fire, Jake.   He burned the house down once. 
   JAKE:  Okay, then I would keep matches under lock and key.  It's not your fault, Uhlizabeth.   By the way, Carly said you and Ric called it quits.  
   LIZ:  Yep, I broke up with him because he tried to send you to jail. 
   JAKE:  So, are you really into me? 
   LIZ:  Yeah, I kinda am. 
   JAKE:  Remember when we almost kissed under your fire-loving kid's mistletoe?  
   LIZ:  Let's totally kiss for real this time.  

    ELQ

    ROSALIE:  Wait your turn
    SABRINA:  I'm the nanny and AJ just wanted to see her big brother.  
    ROSALIE:  He's busy. 
    TRACY:  Not anymore.  
    SABRINA:  See!  
    MICHAEL:  AJ!  Coming to see big bro CEO at work? 
    SABRINA:  I think Rosalie hates me. 
    MICHAEL:  Has she been talking to Kiki? 

    MAXIE'S APARTMENT

    LULU:  So, what's the emergency, Blonder Maxie?  
    MAXIE:  Well, Blonder Lulu, Nathan told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too.  Sorta. 
    LULU:  What do you mean, sorta? 
    MAXIE:  I told him I loved Spinelli too.  
    LULU:  Like, WHY?  
    MAXIE:  Because my heart is DIVIDED IN TWO, Lulu!   I'm in love with two men at the same time.  WHAT DO I DO????   
    LULU:  Eenie, meenie, miney, mo?  
    MAXIE:  It's worth a shot. 
    LULU:  If that doesn't work, you can always flip a coin.  Heads for Spinelli because he's a genius and tails for Nathan, for obvious reasons. 
    MAXIE: Lulu, you're the bestest of besties EVER!  

    GYM
  
     NATHAN:  Hey Spinelli, how much do I need to pay you to SCRAM? 
     SPINELLI:  I have no intention of departing this fair city, Detective West. 
     SONNY:  Hey Nathan, I know you're Dante's partner and all, but Spinelli here is my friend.  Don't be trying to shoo him out of town.  
      SPINELLI:  I shall leave town if you accept my challenge. 
      NATHAN:  If it has anything to do with the Periodic Table or mythical creatures, it's not a fair fight
      SPINELLI:  Quite the contrary, Detective.   We shall take to gloved fisticuffs in order to contest our affections for the fair Maximista.  
       NATHAN:  You've GOT to be kidding me.   Do you have a death wish or something? 
       SONNY:  I was asking myself the same question.   What gives, Spinelli?  
       SPINELLI:  You are making some rather gargantuan assumptions, Mr. Man of Musculature.   The pugilistic pursuit is one of both mind and might.   You have the utmost advantage in physical prowess, Detective, but in the area of intellect, it is I who shall prevail. 
       NATHAN:  We'll see about that. 
       SPINELLI:  So am I to infer that you agree to this challenge? 
       NATHAN:  I'll be back in an hour.   Get your affairs in order.